If you’re a parent of a Deeply Feeling or Highly Sensitive Child (HSC), you know that it can sometimes be challenging to know how to manage intense emotions and upsetting situations.  Beyond that, it’s important to you to build up your child’s self-esteem and resilience so that they can thrive in day-to-day life.  While each child is unique, the following ways of communicating with your child are designed to provide your child with a boost of confidence and the sense that you understand and know how to support them:

I’m so proud of you for…

It’s okay to feel…

It looks like you are feeling ______.  Would it help to ________?

1. I’m so proud of you for…

   Telling your Highly Sensitive Child that you are proud of them not only strengthens your bond with them, but also provides them with a confidence boost!  While it’s totally fine to praise your child for their accomplishments, try to focus most of your praise on their efforts.  For example, instead of saying “I’m so proud of you for scoring that goal!” try saying “I’m so proud of you for being a kind teammate and trying some new soccer skills out today!”  Highly Sensitive Children tend to have a strong “Pause to Check” mentality, meaning that they often need time to observe situations and practice new skills before feeling confident in their abilities.  Praising your child’s courage, persistence, and effort can go a long way towards making them feel confident and capable.

2. It’s okay to feel…

   Sometimes our child’s emotions seem extreme or nonsensical to us as parents - especially if you are not a Highly Sensitive Person yourself.  It can be tempting to try to convince your child that they shouldn’t be feeling what they’re feeling (“Cheer up, it’s not a big deal!” or “Stop crying, you know your brother didn’t mean to hurt you.”)  If we think about our own experience, however, it’s easy to recognize that if someone spoke to us like that, we would feel completely invalidated and hurt!  The easiest way to move through your emotions - or to help your child to do so - is to recognize that they are valid.  For example, you could say “I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad that your brother pushed you.  Let’s take some time to cuddle and then we can go talk to him about what happened.”  Using this approach, the tears will start to dry up, and the situation will resolve much more smoothly than if you tried to deny your child’s feelings.

3. It looks like you are feeling ______.  Would it help to ________?

   One of the biggest challenges for Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), including children, is overstimulation.  You can support your child by helping them to notice that they might be feeling overwhelmed, and then guiding them towards a solution.  For example, if you’re at a playdate at a children’s museum and you see your child start to become grumpy or look like a deer in the headlights, you could say:  “I’ve noticed that it’s pretty loud in here and that it’s been a while since lunch; it looks like you’re feeling a little bit overwhelmed.  Would it feel good for you to go outside and have a snack?”  Helping your Highly Sensitive Child to notice their own physical and mental state, and to recognize what they need to take care of themselves, is a tremendous gift that will serve them well as they become more independent.

If you found these tips helpful, I want to encourage you to check out my “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Online Course!  Based on my professional and personal experience with Highly Sensitive Children (HSC’s), I’ve developed this online, video-based course that helps parents and caregivers to better understand, support, and advocate for their Sensitive Kids.  It’s a comprehensive resource with information, printable resources, and simple but powerful tools to not only support your child, but to teach them to be an empowered Highly Sensitive Person.

You can find more about the “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Course by clicking the button below.