4 Tips for the Extroverted Highly Sensitive (HSP) Parent
Do Extroverted HSPs Exist? While many people inadvertently confuse being Highly Sensitive (HSP) with being Introverted, in fact, approximately 30 percent of HSPs are Extroverts! Put simply, Extroverts derive energy from being around other people, and in fact need a fair amount of social stimulation to be mentally and emotionally healthy. HSPs, meanwhile, tend to be emotionally attuned to others, as well as easily overstimulated, which leads to a generally lower threshold of ability to enjoy extended, intense, or chaotic social interactions. In short, HSP Extroverts absolutely exist and -especially when they are also parents - often find themselves feeling the tension between a genuine need to engage with others (including their children) in meaningful ways, as well as a need for quiet, reflective time on their own. In fact, Highly Sensitive Extroverts (HSEs) can find themselves both “Wired and Tired” following social interactions.
So what is a HSE parent to do?
Honor your Sensitivity and Extroversion - This may seem simple, but it’s so important! As mentioned above, you may at times feel your extroversion and your sensitivity in tension with one another. As best as you can, accept that your need for social interaction AND your overwhelm in some environments are both parts of who you are. You are allowed to both crave and be drained by social interactions.
Recognize what triggers overwhelm and overstimulation - As an HSP, you are likely overstimulated by certain situations and environments. As a parent, you may crave social connection with other parents, but also find certain social environments - let’s say, a school field trip, or a crowded library gathering for toddlers - overstimulating. Conversely, consider which social situations are less overwhelming for you. Do you enjoy meeting up with another parent for coffee and a walk? Or do you prefer connecting with neighbor parents at your local park? Once you know what works for you, you can engage in those interactions more frequently, and give yourself permission to do less of what overwhelms you.
Learn to check in with yourself about your level of overstimulation. HSE Parents may find that what is exciting and nourishing one day, may actually be overwhelming the next. I encourage you to practice pausing and checking in with your body and mind about how you are feeling throughout social interactions. Maybe 30 minutes into a kids’ birthday party, you feel fantastic, but at the 90 minute mark you notice your heart racing and your shoulders tensing up. That noticing of tension or fatigue is your invitation to either take a break, or to exit the situation.
Make sure you are getting enough social interaction for yourself. Many HSP parents find themselves very busy taking wonderful care of their children, but neglect their own social needs. Perhaps some of your need for human connection can be found through chatting with parents at school pickup or at a playgroup, but many times these interactions are limited to our role as parents. You are more than just a parent, and you may find as an HSE parent that you crave to connect with other adults as a writer/artist/athlete/book lover/professor… or simply as yourself. Consider prioritizing social interactions that have nothing to do with parenthood, if that sounds good to you.
I hope that these tips have been helpful to you! If you’re interested in learning more about being Highly Sensitive (HSP) and how it shows up in your life as a parent, I encourage you to check out my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course. It’s a self-paced video course that teaches you more about High Sensitivity, and helps you celebrate your strengths as well as make impactful shifts to reduce overwhelm and stress in your life as a parent (and person).
Lastly, if you’re interested to learn more about Extroverted HSPs, I encourage you to read Jacquelyn Strickland, LPC’s article “Introversion, Extroversion, and the Highly Sensitive Person.” Strickland goes into detail around both the popular understandings of HSP and Introversion/Extroversion, as well as dives into research around these traits.
