The Benefits of Crying for Sensitive Parents

When you cry, how do you feel about the fact that you are crying?  You might feel relieved, upset, embarrassed, angry, or any number of other emotions!  HSPs tend to be more emotionally attuned to ourselves and others, as well as more easily overwhelmed, both of which may be related to increased tearfulness.  Likewise, parenthood can be intense, exhausting, and overwhelming, which can also lead to the need for a good cry. While frequent episodes of crying can be a sign of depression or overwhelm, it can also be a healthy emotional release for Highly Sensitive Parents.  In fact, crying has several benefits that you may not be aware of!

1. If you are feeling overwhelmed, upset, or stressed, crying can provide a healthy release of those emotions.  Too often, our mind and body are out of alignment.  But if we are okay with laughing and smiling when we are happy, maybe we can also give ourselves permission to cry when we are upset.  Sometimes, simply letting ourselves cry can be just the emotional release that we need.

2. Crying actually releases natural painkillers (endorphins) as well as oxytocin (aka the “cuddle hormone”), see this Harvard study for more information.  As we cry, our body is literally taking steps to heal itself emotionally - pretty cool!  On the flip side, repressing emotions and tears is correlated with negative health outcomes, including hypertension, cardiovascular disease, and a weakened immune system (again, citing “Is Crying Good For You” from Harvard’s Blog).

3. Crying signals to others that you need support.  As parents, much of our energy is devoted to keeping our children safe, happy, and developing.  Sometimes, we need others - our partner, a friend, a family member - to attend to us and give us emotional (or even practical) support.  Crying sends up a little signal flare to those around us to stop what they are doing, listen to us, and respond to our needs.

I hope you feel more open to crying as an emotional release.  If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can even see crying as self-care - hop in the shower, take a few deep breaths, and let the tears roll.  Make sure you seek social or professional support if releasing your emotions through crying leads to more intense emotions, feel overwhelmingly sad or upset, or if you are crying frequently.  The above can be signs of depression, loneliness, or overwhelm, and can indicate that you’d benefit from reaching out to a therapist.  If you’re in California, I may be able to support you - visit my therapy website Inner Nature Therapy for more information.  If you live elsewhere, Dr. Elaine Aron’s website lists a directory of HSP-Knowledgeable therapists so that you can find one in your area.

If you don’t need mental health support, but think you could benefit from some customized support to celebrate your sensitivity and manage the day-to-day challenges of being a Highly Sensitive (HSP) or deeply feeling parent, check out the many resources - including Coaching and Courses - that I’ve created just for parents like you.

Thoughts or questions?  I’d love to hear them - just drop them in the comments box below.

Rainy Day Clichés and HSPs

As we settle into Autumn, many of us HSPs enjoy some rainy, cool days where we are invited to cozy up at home! When it rains here in San Diego, most everybody grumbles about getting wet, or how terribly San Diegans drive in the rain, but they also acknowledge, “It’s good for us to get rain.” Rain is a mixed blessing for our environment and lifestyle, but what is less talked about is how weather affects our thoughts, feelings, and activities.

I remember an episode of “The Office” in which the staff members bet on how many “Rainy Day clichés” Phyllis would use in one day. 

Here’s the list of phrases that Phyllis uses on her rainy day:

1. It's raining cats & dogs out there. Holy Moly.

2. Nobody knows how to drive in the rain

3. The roads are actually slickest in the first half hour

4. The plants are going to love this

5. I actually sleep better when its raining

6. This weather makes me want to stay at home curled up with a good book

I am admittedly guilty of using many of these rainy day clichés (and I bet you are too). At one point, Phyllis notices: “I actually sleep better when it’s raining.” Weather, as well as our environment, has a profound effect on our state of mind and mental health. The sensory experience of rain is all-encompassing. We see dark clouds roll in, droplets form on our windows and on plants, and the landscape changes color as it gets saturated with water. We smell wet pavement, the scent of the earth, and wet plant matter. We feel water drip down our bodies, cooling us off. Finally, we hear the calming sound of rain on the roof or the ground, and even perhaps the occasional sound of thunder. For me - and I suspect, for many HSPs - the rain encourages us to be mindfully present in our environments. We return to bodily awareness as we notice and experience the rain falling outside or on our bodies. This can feel really lovely, and return us to a state of connection with our bodies and with the world around us.

Phyllis’s sixth phrase is “This weather makes me want to stay at home curled up with a good book.” I feel you, Phyllis - both my tea and book consumption increase significantly in cold, rainy weather!! As HSPs, we know that our environments can profoundly impact our mood, bodily sensations, and choice of activity. Perhaps you prefer sunny days to rainy, or love cloudy or snowy days. Every person’s preferences are unique, but I do encourage you to notice how the weather impacts your mood, energy levels, and how you spend your time. As a Highly Sensitive Parent, you might also notice how your child(ren) are impacted by different seasons or environmental factors. Can you celebrate the changing seasons with them? Does a change in weather encourage you to try new activities, or return to old favorites?

Whatever “Rainy Day Clichés” resonate with you, I hope you are encouraged to simply notice and be mindful of how you (and your child) are impacted by your environment, and even the weather!

This post is adapted from a blog I wrote for my other website, Inner Nature Therapy. You can view the original here. For more resources and support for Highly Sensitive and Empath parents, visit Highly Sensitive Parenthood’s Resources page.

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator