Gifts and Challenges of being an HSP Parent of an HSP Child
Fun fact: High Sensitivity (aka “Sensory Processing Sensitivity”) is an inherited trait! That means that the biological children of HSP parents are slightly more likely to be Highly Sensitive Children (HSC’s).
While in the future I plan to offer a course on how to support your Highly Sensitive Child (sign up for my newsletter here to be the first to know when that is released!), for now, I’m sharing about the gifts and challenges of being an HSP parent of an HSP child.
First, the good stuff:
You likely are very emotionally attuned to your child, and vice versa! When they are struggling, you notice and are able to respond to their emotional dysregulation quickly and effectively.
As a fellow HSP, you are able to recognize and support your child when they are feeling overstimulated. Along the same lines, you are able to advocate for them when their sensitivity is misunderstood, or when their environment is overwhelming for them. As an example, I provided my HSP son with noise-canceling headphones as a Kindergartener for when the classroom noise was causing him to become overstimulated.
You are able to model healthy and effective ways of managing overstimulation - for example, helping your child understand when they need some quiet time rather than becoming angry when they are dysregulated.
You probably enjoy a deep and lovely connection with your child - perhaps you share a love of art or music, or simply appreciate the finer things in life together.
Now for some challenges:
You likely are very emotionally attuned to your child, and vice versa! Yes, this is also listed in the positives section, but it is easy to see how this can also be a challenge for HSP parents with HSP children. Many HSPs are deeply empathic, and can automatically “sponge” up the emotions of others, leaving them feeling emotionally flooded. When your child is upset and you take on their feelings of upset, it can make it difficult to respond to them or manage the situation calmly and with a clear head.
Some cultural ideas about what parents and children “should” be doing may not be ideal for you. For example, I’ve noticed that for many HSP parents & children, traditional playdates can be pretty stressful (see my blog post on that here). It can be challenging to sort through, or to say “no” to societal pressures of being super-scheduled and social.
Teaching them about their sensitivity is both a challenge and an opportunity. It’s possible that they will be teased by peers, or that their overstimulation will lead to behaviors that are tough for you (and them) to deal with. While you are well equipped to teach them as a fellow HSP, it can be hard to take this on when you are, yourself, overwhelmed and exhausted.
For now, I simply encourage you to learn more about yourself as an HSP and Highly Sensitive Parent - my TOOLKIT and COURSE for Highly Sensitive Parents are great places to start. As you understand your sensitivity better, and find new ways to celebrate the gifts and manage the challenges of being and HSP, you can pass that knowledge on to your children. If they are old enough, you can put language to the HSP trait, but even for little ones, you can model taking quiet time, or simply set healthy boundaries for them (e.g. noticing if they are overstimulated and leaving the chaotic environment).
Are you an HSP parent of an HSP child? I’d love for you to share your experience in the comments below!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
