Highly Sensitive Parenthood Blog
How to Turn Overwhelming Spaces into Soothing Sanctuaries
with Rebecca Jo-Rushdy of Spark Joy and Flow
Our living spaces are more than just physical locations; they are extensions of our inner selves. The environment we create within our homes can significantly influence our moods and overall well-being. For HSP individuals, who are especially attuned to external stimuli, a cluttered or chaotic space can be particularly overwhelming. In my work as a therapist and coach, I work with many Highly Sensitive parents to identify how their home environments impact their well-being, and how to honor their needs for calm, intentional spaces.
With that, I’m so thrilled to share my conversation with Rebecca Jo-Rushdy of Spark Joy and Flow with the Highly Sensitive Parenthood community! Honestly, this has been one of my favorite podcast conversations EVER. We discuss the impact of our home environment on our mood and well-being, and chat about simple solutions for HSP folks and families to manage clutter and create systems that support calm and joy in our homes (yes, even with little ones around)!
You can listen in to our conversation via The Highly Sensitive Parenthood Podcast, or watch us chat on YouTube by clicking the buttons below. And don’t forget to scroll down to learn more about Rebecca and her offerings as a decluttering and wellness consultant!
Meet Rebecca Jo-Rushdy!
Rebecca specializes in guiding empaths to declutter and create harmonious spaces that ignite joy and a sense of flow. Her expertise is informed by her own experiences as a highly sensitive person, and she is passionate about helping others turn their emotional challenges into opportunities for growth and vitality.
In addition to her consulting work, Rebecca conducts wellness workshops and delivers motivational speeches to diverse audiences, including corporate, government, and non-governmental organizations. Her message centers on the transformative power of decluttering, both in our personal lives and professional endeavors, to enhance focus, productivity, and overall well-being.
Where to find Rebecca & Spark Joy and Flow:
1. Website
2. Instagram
3. Facebook
Hey New Subscribers - if you're looking for a bit more support around being a Highly Sensitive Parent or raising an HSP child, I've got you! I've created several resources, including Courses and Coaching packages, to meet your needs.
**YouTube Subscribers can access a special discount of 20% off of any courses or coaching at https://www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com/hspparentresources by using the code YOUTUBE at checkout.**
Creating Systems that Nurture You & Your Family
with Laura Hernandez of MamaSystems.net
Do you struggle with creating routines and systems that feel sustainable and allow you some moments of relaxation and connection with your family? I've definitely gone through (long!) periods where I've felt so overwhelmed with household tasks and to-do's that I've missed out on rest time for myself, or neglected the relationships I most value.
I invited Laura Hernandez of MamaSystems.net to join me for a conversation about creating systems that nurture both you and your children. We get nitty gritty on topics including chores and meal planning, and Laura give specific tips about how we can begin inviting our children (young or older) to more fully participate in the household.
Listen in to our conversation via the podcast or YouTube by clicking the buttons below, and scroll down to learn more about Laura and her offerings!
Meet Laura Hernandez!
Laura is a wife and mama to 10 amazing people. She is the founder of Mama Systems, a coaching business that helps mamas bring peace to their homes through systems so they can be intentional with their people and show up as the best mama possible.
Where to find Laura & Mama Systems:
1. Self-Care Guide for Highly Sensitive Parenthood - to access Laura's Self-Care Guide - a gift just for the Highly Sensitive Parenthood community!
2. Website
3. Instagram
4. Facebook
Hey New Subscribers - if you're looking for a bit more support around being a Highly Sensitive Parent or raising an HSP child, I've got you! I've created several resources, including Courses and Coaching packages, to meet your needs.
**YouTube Subscribers can access a special discount of 20% off of any courses or coaching at https://www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com/hspparentresources by using the code YOUTUBE at checkout.**
Supporting HSP Teens and Tweens
with Nellie Harden of NellieHarden.com
Are you the parent of an HSP Teen or Tween? I myself have a 9 year old, so this is right around the corner for me!
While a lot of my blogs and podcasts have focused on being a sensitive parent, or parenting younger HSP kids, I didn't want to forget our older children. I invited Nellie Harden of NellieHarden.com to join me in conversation around how to raise empowered and healthy HSP children (while also caring for ourselves as parents & people)!
Listen in to our conversation via the podcast or YouTube by clicking the buttons below, and scroll down to learn more about Nellie and her offerings!
Meet Nellie Harden!
Nellie is a wife, mother of 4 teenage daughters and an author and speaker in the space of Family Life & Leadership. She focuses on helping parents love & lead their teen/tween daughters in a way that teaches them to love & lead themselves while building a strong foundation of worth, esteem & confidence all before they leave home!
Her background is in Biology and Psychology, from humpbacks to humans, and she has invested decades of her life into personal, family, faith and leadership development. Most of all, she believes the best way to change the world is through one living room at a time!
Here are a few ways to connect with Nellie:
1. Website
2. 5 Things Your Daughter Needs
5. Instagram
6. YouTube
Hey New Subscribers - if you're looking for a bit more support around being a Highly Sensitive Parent or raising an HSP child, I've got you! I've created several resources, including Courses and Coaching packages, to meet your needs.
**YouTube Subscribers can access a special discount of 20% off of any courses or coaching at https://www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com/hspparentresources by using the code YOUTUBE at checkout.**
Balancing Work and Parenthood for Highly Sensitive Parents
with Liz St. Jean of The Mint Ambition
**YouTube Subscribers can access a special discount of 20% off of any courses or coaching at https://www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com/hspparentresources by using the code YOUTUBE at checkout.**
OR
**Podcast Subscribers can access a special discount of 20% off of any courses or coaching at https://www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com/hspparentresources by using the code PODCAST at checkout.**
Amy Lajiness of Highly Sensitive Parenthood and Liz St. Jean of The Mint Ambition chat about how HSP & sensitive parents can thrive and leverage their sensitivity in the corporate world!
Meet Liz St. Jean of The Mint Ambition!
Liz is a career advancement coach for quietly ambitious professionals.
Her vision is that everyone should feel excited, motivated and proud of the work they do. Everyone deserves to have a meaningful career making an impact on the world around them.
She also believes we need greater diversity in the rooms where decisions are being made.
We need your voice and your ideas. We need your presence.
She's all about helping you feel energized, motivated and confident showing up with a powerful presence, no matter what chaos swirls around you.
Here are a few ways to learn with Liz:
) Listen to the RISE In Your 9 to 5 podcast where strategy meets intuition to build leadership skills & advance your career. Listen here.
) Take the free Quietly Ambitious Career Quiz to get personalized advice for the career growth season you're in. Take the quiz here.
) Check out Liz's programs on career advancement & leadership development. Learn about my programs here.
How to talk to a non-HSP Partner about your Sensitivity
In my work with HSP adults, one of the biggest challenges that comes up is having a non-HSP partner who has difficulty understanding the experience of being Highly Sensitive. Of course, there are many benefits to an HSP/non-HSP pairing - my husband is not an HSP and I am (usually) so grateful for his objectivity, ability to set healthy boundaries, and general steadiness! Those of you with HSP/HSP partner pairings can likely also name both benefits and drawbacks of having two sensitive partners navigating life together.
When an HSP feels misunderstood - or worse, judged - by their partner for their sensitivity, however, some problems can arise. Being an HSP is not a weakness or a flaw. It is something to be celebrated for its benefits (empathy, awareness, intentionality, etc) while accommodating some of the challenges that can arise, such as being easily overstimulated or experiencing compassion fatigue.
One way that we can help our non-HSP partners better understand and support us is to simply educate them on the HSP trait. I encourage you to send along this blog, and/or any of the blogs below, that resonate with you. Let them spark a discussion between you and your partner about how you experience the world! Here are a few basics about being an HSP:
What is HSP/High Sensitivity and how do I know if I'm an HSP?
Top 3 Challenges for Highly Sensitive Parents
How do I know if I am a Highly Sensitive (HSP) Parent?
Of course, we all experience the HSP trait in unique ways, so these are simply a jumping off point for further reflection and discussion! You might find that your gender, cultural norms, or personality has impacted your experience of being an HSP, or how other people perceive that trait in you. Bringing this up in conversation with your partner or loved one can be helpful. For example, you could say “In my family growing up, I was told to ‘stop crying’ and ‘quit being so sensitive.’ But I’ve come to realize that my sensitivity also offers many benefits - I love fully, and think deeply about our life together and what’s important to me. When I cry, it actually helps me release my emotions in a positive way. I’d love for you to help me continue to accept who I am while supporting me when things feel tough.” This is just one example of how you could begin to talk with a non-HSP partner about your sensitivity, depending on what that looks like for you.
Because this is such a common challenge for HSPs, I’ve dedicated an entire module of my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course to “Helping Partners and Support People Understand Your HSP Trait!” In that Module, you’ll find a 4-page handout that you can simply print off or email to your non-HSP partner or loved ones, which pretty much does the work for you! In the video portion of that module, I also speak in depth about both HSP/HSP and HSP/non-HSP relationships, and share some practical tips to start the conversation with people in constructive yet loving ways.
You can learn more about the Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course by clicking the button below. If you have any questions, feel free to send me an email or comment below, and we’ll chat!
3 Signs of Sensory Overwhelm and Overstimulation in Highly Sensitive Adults
Overwhelm. Overstimulation. Sensitivity.
These words capture the more challenging side of the HSP trait for many adults. Of course, the HSP trait also offers many benefits and gifts to those who experience it - and if you’re looking to find new ways to celebrate your Sensitivity, check out my blog post on “The Gifts of Sensitivity and Being an HSP.” Once you feel empowered within your sensitivity, it can be helpful to recognize some of the challenges that might come up for you. For many HSPs, Sensory Overwhelm or Overstimulation is a major challenge. Don’t fear, however - once we are able to recognize signs that we are becoming overstimulated, we can start to take steps toward coping with Overstimulation (side note: I have two entire modules dedicated to this process in the Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course!)
So what does Overstimulation look like for HSP adults? My guess is you have some idea of what causes overstimulation for you. If not, here’s a hint: think about your five senses - you likely find at least one of them that’s particularly sensitive. For example some HSPs are bothered by bright lights, loud or repetitive noises, rough/sticky textures, etc. But how does overstimulation show up in our minds and bodies? While our experiences as HSPs are distinct, here are three common signs of Sensory Overwhelm and Overstimulation:
Physical sensations - These physical “warning signs” of overstimulation may be the most recognizable to you. One important thing to remember here is that when we are overstimulated, our nervous systems tend to go into “Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn” (more on that another time), so our bodies respond as if we are under physical threat, even if the “threat” is something relatively innocuous such as loud music or a child tugging at our shirt repeatedly. That said, our bodies react no differently than if we were being charged at by a lion, or experiencing a physical threat to our safety. When you’re overstimulated, you might notice physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, sweating, tightness in chest, jitters, muscle tension, and more. These sensations make it difficult to do the tasks we need to do as parents. Although many of us try to “push through” these sensations, ideally, we should do what we can to safely reduce the source(s) of your overstimulation and take steps to calm the body down.
Foggy or Irrational Thinking - When we are stressed or overstimulated, we might notice that we have less mental clarity. This can show up in many different ways, including difficulty making decisions, irrational thoughts and emotions, and/or a general sense of “brain fog,” especially when we are chronically overstimulated and our nervous system gets stuck in high gear. When this happens, our higher level thinking is compromised as our body and brain are simply focused on physical safety.
Irritability or withdrawal - This can intensify if we get “stuck” in overwhelm and overstimulation. You may find yourself responding to situations or loved ones with frustration, irritability, or even rage! Many HSPs are empathetic and gentle, and so irritability and anger can feel surprising to them. When you notice that you are angry, irritable, or becoming withdrawn, it’s likely due (at least in part) to overstimulation. Similarly, many HSPs have a sense of wanting to “escape” - the “flight” response - which can manifest as jittery energy, a desire to just get in the car and drive away, or hiding in a quiet room away from the source(s) of overstimulation.
By understanding the sources of overstimulation, and learning to recognize our own personal “warning signs” of overstimulation, we can take steps to reduce its impact in our lives and families. If you haven’t yet, you can receive a free printable PDF titled “5 Tips to Manage Overstimulation for HSP Parents” by signing up for our newsletter - where you’ll get more inspiration and wisdom for HSP parents and kids!
Introducing the “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Course
While my original vision for Highly Sensitive Parenthood was to simply support HSP parents through the joys and challenges of parenthood, I noticed that I had many parents coming to me with questions about how they could support their HSP child. Once it became clear that parents were looking for support to better understand and support their child’s sensitivity, I knew that I had to develop the “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” course.
Over the last several months, I’ve worked hard to dive into the research, create unique resources, and record videos for the “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” course - and I’m thrilled to announce that it’s here! The course releases on March 1, and is available for a presale-only price of $99 (it’ll bump up to $129 after March 5).
If you think this course might be helpful for you or a loved one, read on!
The “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Course includes 7 Video-based Modules and accompanying printable materials that you can access on your own time, including:
Module 1: The HSP Trait & Your Child
Module 2: Celebrating the Gifts of your Highly Sensitive Child
Module 3: Recognizing the Challenges of your Highly Sensitive Child
Module 4: Identifying Calming & Coping Skills
Module 5: Building Resilience & Managing Challenging Moments
Module 6: Managing Overwhelm or Frustration as a Parent of a Highly Sensitive Child
Module 7: Advocating for your Child in Educational, Medical, and Social Settings
BONUS: Course Materials & Resources, including printable materials that you can use with your child or with people who support your child
BONUS: Course Module Transcript E-book with written descriptions of each module's content, in case videos aren't your thing, as well as actionable reflections to help you put module content into practice.
The “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Course is for you if…
You’re a mother, father, grandparent, or other caregiver of a Highly Sensitive (HSP) or Deeply Feeling Child who wants to learn more about the trait of High Sensitivity.
You want to support and celebrate your child’s unique gifts, including empathy, self-awareness, and the ability to notice and meaningfully reflect on the world around them.
You want to help your child to minimize the challenges of the HSP trait, including overstimulation and intense emotions.
You are seeking concrete ideas, skills, and tools to support your Highly Sensitive Child through challenging moments
You sometimes struggle with your own frustration or uncertainty with how to respond to your child’s emotions or behaviors
You seek to advocate for your child’s unique needs (and strengths) with their teachers, coaches, family members, or other loved ones.
I’ve built this course just for parents and caregivers of Highly Sensitive children, and drawn on my professional and personal experience working with HSPs to offer you valuable information, opportunities for reflection, and concrete ideas and strategies to support and empower your Highly Sensitive Child.
I hope you’ll join me in “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child!” If you have any thoughts or questions about the Course, please feel free to email me at amy@highlysensitiveparenthood.com and I’ll get back to you!
3 Things NOT to Say to your Highly Sensitive Child
As a fellow parent of a Deeply Feeling or Highly Sensitive Child (HSC), I know that it can be difficult to know what to say to our children when they’re upset, particularly when we are frustrated! Last week, I shared a few statements that you can try incorporating into your communication with your child. This week, I’m reflecting on three statements that we should avoid saying to our child.
Full disclosure: I have definitely said some of these “no no” statements to my HSC. None of us are perfect parents! But by being aware that some statements can be hurtful to our children - even counterproductive in working through difficult emotions and behaviors - we can adjust how we talk to them. That said, here are a few statements to try to NOT say to your Highly Sensitive Child:
1. Why are you so sensitive?
One of the most powerful ways that you can support your Highly Sensitive Child is to examine your own internal beliefs about sensitivity, and to let go of any unhelpful beliefs that sensitivity is a flaw or a weakness. If you notice that you are saying things to your child like “Why are you so sensitive?” or “Stop crying, it’s not that big of a deal!” take a step back and reflect. In all likelihood, these statements will do nothing to reduce your child’s sensitivity, they will simply cause them to feel shame about their emotions and sensitivity.
2. Hurry up and do it, it’ll be fine!
Highly Sensitive Children have a common tendency to “Pause to Check” - they like to observe, gather information, and process for a bit before jumping into a new situation or activity. This is part of how their brains work, and actually serves to protect them from risky situations or decisions throughout their lives. Some parents become frustrated, however, when their child is not eager to “jump right in” to a new activity. When starting a new activity - let’s say, riding a bike - it’s critical that you let your sensitive child take the time to observe and adjust. This could include watching other children ride bikes, spending some time learning about bikes and their parts, sitting on the bike, using training wheels, etc. Resist the urge to push your child too quickly towards intense engagement in a new activity. Doing so often backfires and creates fear or resistance towards that activity. If you let them proceed at their own pace (with plenty of encouragement - “I’m proud of you for trying! I know you’re feeling a bit nervous, but I can see you’re making progress already!”) they are much more likely to build confidence and engage in the activity in a way that feels comfortable for them.
3. Stop feeling ____, it’s not that big of a deal!
Have you ever been told to “stop feeling upset,” “stop crying,” or to “just calm down?” I challenge you to identify even one instance in which hearing these comments actually helped you to feel better! When your child is upset, they need to hear that their emotions are valid. Some variation of “I see that you’re feeling…/I understand why you feel…/It’s okay to feel…” sets the stage for your child to feel understood and supported. Our goal as parents is not to magnify their emotions, but simply to recognize their emotions so that we can respond to them in productive ways. Once your child feels understood, they’ll be more open to receiving comfort in the form of cuddles, taking a break, or a variety of coping/calming skills. It’s a win-win for both ourselves and our kids!
If you found these tips helpful, I want to encourage you to check out my “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Online Course! Based on my professional and personal experience with Highly Sensitive Children (HSC’s), I’ve developed this online, video-based course that helps parents and caregivers to better understand, support, and advocate for their Sensitive Kids. It’s a comprehensive resource with information, printable resources, and simple but powerful tools to not only support your child, but to teach them to be an empowered Highly Sensitive Person.
You can find more about the “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Course by clicking the button below.
3 Things to Say to your Highly Sensitive Child
If you’re a parent of a Deeply Feeling or Highly Sensitive Child (HSC), you know that it can sometimes be challenging to know how to manage intense emotions and upsetting situations. Beyond that, it’s important to you to build up your child’s self-esteem and resilience so that they can thrive in day-to-day life. While each child is unique, the following ways of communicating with your child are designed to provide your child with a boost of confidence and the sense that you understand and know how to support them:
I’m so proud of you for…
It’s okay to feel…
It looks like you are feeling ______. Would it help to ________?
I’m so proud of you for…
Telling your Highly Sensitive Child that you are proud of them not only strengthens your bond with them, but also provides them with a confidence boost! While it’s totally fine to praise your child for their accomplishments, try to focus most of your praise on their efforts. For example, instead of saying “I’m so proud of you for scoring that goal!” try saying “I’m so proud of you for being a kind teammate and trying some new soccer skills out today!” Highly Sensitive Children tend to have a strong “Pause to Check” mentality, meaning that they often need time to observe situations and practice new skills before feeling confident in their abilities. Praising your child’s courage, persistence, and effort can go a long way towards making them feel confident and capable.
It’s okay to feel…
Sometimes our child’s emotions seem extreme or nonsensical to us as parents - especially if you are not a Highly Sensitive Person yourself. It can be tempting to try to convince your child that they shouldn’t be feeling what they’re feeling (“Cheer up, it’s not a big deal!” or “Stop crying, you know your brother didn’t mean to hurt you.”) If we think about our own experience, however, it’s easy to recognize that if someone spoke to us like that, we would feel completely invalidated and hurt! The easiest way to move through your emotions - or to help your child to do so - is to recognize that they are valid. For example, you could say “I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad that your brother pushed you. Let’s take some time to cuddle and then we can go talk to him about what happened.” Using this approach, the tears will start to dry up, and the situation will resolve much more smoothly than if you tried to deny your child’s feelings.
It looks like you are feeling ______. Would it help to ________?
One of the biggest challenges for Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), including children, is overstimulation. You can support your child by helping them to notice that they might be feeling overwhelmed, and then guiding them towards a solution. For example, if you’re at a playdate at a children’s museum and you see your child start to become grumpy or look like a deer in the headlights, you could say: “I’ve noticed that it’s pretty loud in here and that it’s been a while since lunch; it looks like you’re feeling a little bit overwhelmed. Would it feel good for you to go outside and have a snack?” Helping your Highly Sensitive Child to notice their own physical and mental state, and to recognize what they need to take care of themselves, is a tremendous gift that will serve them well as they become more independent.
If you found these tips helpful, I want to encourage you to check out my “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Online Course! Based on my professional and personal experience with Highly Sensitive Children (HSC’s), I’ve developed this online, video-based course that helps parents and caregivers to better understand, support, and advocate for their Sensitive Kids. It’s a comprehensive resource with information, printable resources, and simple but powerful tools to not only support your child, but to teach them to be an empowered Highly Sensitive Person.
You can find more about the “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Course by clicking the button below.
Is My Child Highly Sensitive?
Have you ever wondered if your child is Highly Sensitive?
While all children have preferences, emotions, and moments of sensitivity, around 15-20% of children exhibit the trait of High Sensitivity. The HSP trait is equally represented across genders and cultures, and is simply a trait (like height or introversion), not a flaw or a diagnosis. Gaining a deeper understanding of the trait of High Sensitivity will help empower you to better appreciate and support your unique child.
The pioneering researcher behind this trait, Elaine Aron, Ph.D., has created an acronym that helps us recognize Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), including Highly Sensitive Children (HSCs). I’ve adapted the DOES acronym with descriptions of how it may show up for HSCs:
Not all HSC’s exhibit each of the above tendencies, but you’ll likely recognize some of them in your child if they are indeed Highly Sensitive. Elaine Aron, Ph.D. has created an HSP Assessment for Children which can offer more clarity on whether or not your child could be Highly Sensitive.
If you feel that your child is Highly Sensitive - celebrate! HSPs have so much to offer the world. They tend to be thoughtful, curious, and loving towards others. You might also notice, however, that being Highly Sensitive comes with its challenges. Perhaps your child is bullied at school for crying easily, or you notice that your infant or toddler becomes distressed when in new situations or environments. Older children may feel “the weight of the world” on their shoulders and have difficulty managing the depth of their emotions and empathy.
Whatever your child’s unique gifts and challenges, I have a wonderful resource to offer you. Based on my professional and personal experience with Highly Sensitive Children (HSC’s), I’ve developed an online, video-based course called “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” that helps parents and caregivers to better understand, support, and advocate for their Sensitive Kids. It’s a comprehensive resource with information, printable resources, and simple but powerful tools to not only support your child, but to teach them to be an empowered Highly Sensitive Person.
You can find more about the “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Course by clicking the button below.
The Benefits of Crying for Sensitive Parents
When you cry, how do you feel about the fact that you are crying? You might feel relieved, upset, embarrassed, angry, or any number of other emotions! HSPs tend to be more emotionally attuned to ourselves and others, as well as more easily overwhelmed, both of which may be related to increased tearfulness. Likewise, parenthood can be intense, exhausting, and overwhelming, which can also lead to the need for a good cry. While frequent episodes of crying can be a sign of depression or overwhelm, it can also be a healthy emotional release for Highly Sensitive Parents. In fact, crying has several benefits that you may not be aware of!
If you are feeling overwhelmed, upset, or stressed, crying can provide a healthy release of those emotions. Too often, our mind and body are out of alignment. But if we are okay with laughing and smiling when we are happy, maybe we can also give ourselves permission to cry when we are upset. Sometimes, simply letting ourselves cry can be just the emotional release that we need.
Crying actually releases natural painkillers (endorphins) as well as oxytocin (aka the “cuddle hormone”), see this Harvard study for more information. As we cry, our body is literally taking steps to heal itself emotionally - pretty cool! On the flip side, repressing emotions and tears is correlated with negative health outcomes, including hypertension, cardiovascular disease, and a weakened immune system (again, citing “Is Crying Good For You” from Harvard’s Blog).
Crying signals to others that you need support. As parents, much of our energy is devoted to keeping our children safe, happy, and developing. Sometimes, we need others - our partner, a friend, a family member - to attend to us and give us emotional (or even practical) support. Crying sends up a little signal flare to those around us to stop what they are doing, listen to us, and respond to our needs.
I hope you feel more open to crying as an emotional release. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can even see crying as self-care - hop in the shower, take a few deep breaths, and let the tears roll. Make sure you seek social or professional support if releasing your emotions through crying leads to more intense emotions, feel overwhelmingly sad or upset, or if you are crying frequently. The above can be signs of depression, loneliness, or overwhelm, and can indicate that you’d benefit from reaching out to a therapist. If you’re in California, I may be able to support you - visit my therapy website Inner Nature Therapy for more information. If you live elsewhere, Dr. Elaine Aron’s website lists a directory of HSP-Knowledgeable therapists so that you can find one in your area.
If you don’t need mental health support, but think you could benefit from some customized support to celebrate your sensitivity and manage the day-to-day challenges of being a Highly Sensitive (HSP) or deeply feeling parent, check out the many resources - including Coaching and Courses - that I’ve created just for parents like you.
Thoughts or questions? I’d love to hear them - just drop them in the comments box below.
Support Resources for HSP, Overwhelmed, and Deeply Feeling Parents
This week’s blog is a little different - instead of sharing my reflections on a topic, I’m simply sharing some of my favorite resources for HSP, Overwhelmed and Deeply Feeling Parents. I’m organizing them by type, and many of them include links so that you can explore the resource further. I sincerely hope that you find these supportive!
Podcasts
Highly Sensitive Parenthood Podcast - This is my podcast, and features ideas, content, and discussions just for Highly Sensitive Parents!
Holding Space Podcast - Hosted by a licensed therapist, this podcast dives deep into topics related to parenthood, and has a handful of episodes that include discussions around High Sensitivity!
Happy as a Mother Podcast - Also hosted by a licensed therapist, this podcast focuses specifically on motherhood and includes practical tips as well as interviews with other professionals.
Professional Support
Therapy - If you’re struggling with your mental health, or are just not feeling like yourself, therapy can help! Make sure to seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about High Sensitivity and parenthood. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results. If you’re in California, I would love to support you in my role as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy.
Postpartum Support International also offers many resources for parents - free support groups, peer-to-peer support, referrals to trained professionals, etc. - even for those parents outside of the immediate postpartum period.
Nourish Coaching Package for HSP Parents - If you’re looking for personal support to reduce stress and overwhelm, and to boost confidence and enjoyment of day-to-day parenthood as an HSP parent, consider working with me using my Nourish Coaching Package (LINK) or contact me (LINK) to create a customized coaching package to meet your needs.
Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course - My HSP Parent Course provides an expert-led deep dive into the many ways that Highly Sensitive people experience parenthood, in a self-paced online format. Including guided meditations, in-depth videos on how the HSP trait impacts parents, and simple yet powerful practices, this course will empower you to be a calm and joyful parent.
Websites
Highly Sensitive Parenthood - My website just for HSP and Empath parents; features a large archive of blog posts related to being Highly Sensitive as a parent, as well as Courses and other resources for HSP parents
Highly Sensitive Refuge - Features hundreds of helpful articles written by many HSPs and professionals on a variety of topics
HSPJourney- Features a variety of articles on the topic of High Sensitivity
I’m just scratching the surface with resources here - if you’re looking for a more extensive list of resources for Highly Sensitive Parents, you can find it in my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Toolkit. And of course, if you have any resources to add, drop them in the comments section below - I’d love to hear from you!
Gifts and Challenges of being an HSP Parent of an HSP Child
Fun fact: High Sensitivity (aka “Sensory Processing Sensitivity”) is an inherited trait! That means that the biological children of HSP parents are slightly more likely to be Highly Sensitive Children (HSC’s).
While in the future I plan to offer a course on how to support your Highly Sensitive Child (sign up for my newsletter here to be the first to know when that is released!), for now, I’m sharing about the gifts and challenges of being an HSP parent of an HSP child.
First, the good stuff:
You likely are very emotionally attuned to your child, and vice versa! When they are struggling, you notice and are able to respond to their emotional dysregulation quickly and effectively.
As a fellow HSP, you are able to recognize and support your child when they are feeling overstimulated. Along the same lines, you are able to advocate for them when their sensitivity is misunderstood, or when their environment is overwhelming for them. As an example, I provided my HSP son with noise-canceling headphones as a Kindergartener for when the classroom noise was causing him to become overstimulated.
You are able to model healthy and effective ways of managing overstimulation - for example, helping your child understand when they need some quiet time rather than becoming angry when they are dysregulated.
You probably enjoy a deep and lovely connection with your child - perhaps you share a love of art or music, or simply appreciate the finer things in life together.
Now for some challenges:
You likely are very emotionally attuned to your child, and vice versa! Yes, this is also listed in the positives section, but it is easy to see how this can also be a challenge for HSP parents with HSP children. Many HSPs are deeply empathic, and can automatically “sponge” up the emotions of others, leaving them feeling emotionally flooded. When your child is upset and you take on their feelings of upset, it can make it difficult to respond to them or manage the situation calmly and with a clear head.
Some cultural ideas about what parents and children “should” be doing may not be ideal for you. For example, I’ve noticed that for many HSP parents & children, traditional playdates can be pretty stressful (see my blog post on that here). It can be challenging to sort through, or to say “no” to societal pressures of being super-scheduled and social.
Teaching them about their sensitivity is both a challenge and an opportunity. It’s possible that they will be teased by peers, or that their overstimulation will lead to behaviors that are tough for you (and them) to deal with. While you are well equipped to teach them as a fellow HSP, it can be hard to take this on when you are, yourself, overwhelmed and exhausted.
For now, I simply encourage you to learn more about yourself as an HSP and Highly Sensitive Parent - my TOOLKIT and COURSE for Highly Sensitive Parents are great places to start. As you understand your sensitivity better, and find new ways to celebrate the gifts and manage the challenges of being and HSP, you can pass that knowledge on to your children. If they are old enough, you can put language to the HSP trait, but even for little ones, you can model taking quiet time, or simply set healthy boundaries for them (e.g. noticing if they are overstimulated and leaving the chaotic environment).
Are you an HSP parent of an HSP child? I’d love for you to share your experience in the comments below!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
How do I know if I am a Highly Sensitive (HSP) Parent?
Have you ever been told “you’re so sensitive” or “you’re so emotional!” Or have you found yourself overwhelmed and overstimulated by chaotic environments, or by the many competing demands of life and parenthood? First of all, if you are curious or uncertain about what the term “Highly Sensitive Person” (HSP) means, start with this blog post.
Are you just beginning to realize that you are an HSP? Congratulations! Understanding your sensitivity is a critical first step in learning how to not just survive, but truly thrive as an HSP parent. There is much to be proud of, and many gifts you can offer the world (and your child) because of your sensitivity. Additionally, by learning a bit about potential challenges of being an HSP parent, you can find more calm throughout the ups and downs of parenthood. My own personal experience was that becoming a parent brought out certain aspects of my High Sensitivity in new ways, and I’ve found that this is the case for many of my HSP parent clients, as well.
So – how do you know if you are a Highly Sensitive Parent? Here are some things to look for:
Feeling overwhelmed by noise, clutter, or being overtouched
Desire for alone time away from your child(ren) - and sometimes, feeling guilty about wanting this
Challenges with meeting competing demands and expectations around how you “should” parent
Understanding your child’s emotions, and perhaps even feeling them in your own body
When calm, a deep enjoyment of your child’s beauty and unique spirit, and motivation to support them towards a peaceful & meaningful life
And one more time for good measure: feeling overstimulated or anxious when there are intense or numerous sensory inputs - children talking/crying, tugging at you, loud/cluttered environments, hungry, hot, sleepy, etc!
If some of the above resonate with you, please know that you are in good company! My approach with the resources I’ve created at Highly Sensitive Parenthood is to:
Help you understand that you are not alone in your journey as an HSP parent
To recognize the gifts of your sensitivity, and
To teach you to compassionately support yourself through the challenges associated with being an HSP parent.
Are you hoping to understand more deeply how your sensitivity intersects with your experience as a parent? While my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course is a fantastic deep dive, the Highly Sensitive Parenthood Toolkit offers a low cost introduction to how the HSP trait shows up in your life as a parent, and gives actionable tips and tools to make your parenting life easier and calmer.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
Embracing Parenthood - and Releasing “Parenting” - as an HSP
There are few words more loaded (at least to a parent) than “parenting.” Parenting books, parenting advice, parenting styles, parenting fails… there is so much information to absorb, and so many expectations to balance! As a result of these often competing pressures and expectations, many Highly Sensitive parents experience guilt around “poor parenting” or being a “bad mom.” By contrast, “Parenthood” is a stage of life in which being a parent is part of your identity. Parenthood is simply a state of being, rather than something that we can “fail” at.
Certainly many of us have benefited from learning about parenting from books, experts, and others. Particularly when we’ve grown up in a family that had unhealthy dynamics, we may rightly prioritize educating ourselves around how to parent our children in healthy ways. On the other hand, it is important to recognize that the values and objectives of parenting vary widely across cultures and belief systems. Unfortunately, many parents - particularly those in marginalized communities - have been harmed by narrow views of “acceptable” parenting in much of the Western world. The important factor here is to take “parenting” advice for what it is - simply information that we can choose to incorporate (or not) into how we approach caring for our children, based on what works best for them and for us.
So how can we move away from a fixation on “parenting” and towards an ethos of parenthood, in which we are caring for our children and also tending to ourselves outside of our identity as parents? As HSPs, many of us struggle with people-pleasing, or in the case of parenting, allow our children’s needs to consistently eclipse our own until we are depleted and lost. We deserve to embrace the imperfect journey of parenthood - including its ups and downs - rather than feeling shame around not adhering to the often competing, rigid standards of “parenting.”
We might begin by rediscovering parts of our identity that have been squashed or hidden away since becoming parents. This can look like recovering an old hobby, attending therapy, or taking steps towards a new dream or goal. We might also take a few moments and identify the expectations we place on ourselves as parents. Do you put pressure on yourself to enjoy being a parent 24/7? Release that - I don’t know any parents for whom that is true! Do you feel guilty turning down invitations to events or extracurriculars that you know will be a strain on you and/or your child? Recognize that this is not you failing at parenting, but rather you honoring the needs and limitations of you and your child.
My goal with Highly Sensitive Parenthood is to support you as a whole person, not just in the ways that you parent your children. In fact, the resources that I have created HSP Parent Resources, are almost completely focused on you, the parent, rather than any “parenting skills” or “parenting advice.”
In your parenthood journey, YOU and your well-being matter - much, much more than getting parenting “right.”
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
Top 3 Challenges for Highly Sensitive Parents (and how to manage them)
Earlier this week, I was chatting with some Highly Sensitive parents at our virtual Coffee Chat, and I asked the question “What are your top challenges as HSP parents?” While there are *MANY* strengths that HSP parents bring to the table (I’ll tackle these in a future blog, I promise), there are also many challenges that are common for sensitive and empath parents. Here are the top 3 that our group identified:
1) Always being “on”
I often describe parenthood as “relentless.” Although we do sleep and (hopefully) take time away from our children to just be ourselves, our identity and role as parents never fully leaves us once we welcome our child into the world. I’m guessing that all of us have had the experience of having a stressful day, feeling exhausted, and still somehow needing to scrape up the energy to get dinner on the table, bathe our child(ren), do the bedtime routine, etc. This is particularly challenging for HSP parents, who tend to be more easily drained by daily life, sensory overload, and the multiple demands on our attention.
2) Managing my emotions when my child is upset
This one is so hard. To be honest, I am very much a work in progress when it comes to this challenge! When our kid is upset, we have the double whammy of auditory overstimulation (from our child crying, yelling, etc.) and being intensely attuned to their emotions (which may be very intense - anger, sadness, upset, etc.) As HSP parents, we need to simultaneously tend to our own emotions and help our children work through their feelings. There is no one right way to do this! Depending on the situation, it can look like:
Holding your child when they cry - the cuddles can help regulate their emotions as well as yours!
Asking your child to spend time in a quiet place where they can calm down, while you retreat to a separate room in order to manage your own emotional response
Holding hands with them, looking into their eyes, and taking deep breaths together
Verbally acknowledging their emotion, for example “It seems like you feel upset that we had to leave the playground. That’s disappointing, isn’t it! I’m looking forward to going with you again tomorrow.” Then having a similar empathetic response to your own emotions, for example “It’s hard to parent when my kid is upset, since my own body and mind feel their emotions so intensely. I’m doing the best I can to manage.”
3) My partner/loved ones not understanding or supporting my sensitivity
HSPs can seem mysterious to our partners and loved ones - the depth of our awareness and emotions can be received with confusion or, unfortunately, judgment. When those in our life say things like “you’re too sensitive” or “you’re too soft with our child,” it can feel like a denial or judgment of who we are on a very deep level. Educating your loved ones on the HSP trait is a great start. You can send them the link to my blog post with basic information on High Sensitivity https://www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com/blog/what-is-an-hsp-and-how-do-i-know-if-i-am-highly-sensitive) or, if you’re looking for more in-depth support, my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course https://highlysensitiveparenthood.mykajabi.com/hsp-parenthood-course ) has an entire 15-minute video module on “Helping Partners & Support People Understand your HSP trait,” plus a bonus “How to support your HSP Loved One” handout to help loved ones and partners understand your HSP trait and how it impacts your experience as a parent and person.
Do you resonate with these common challenges for HSP parents? Feel free to comment below with your challenges as an HSP parent, and/or ways that you manage them!
P.S. I’d love to have you join us for future Coffee Chats! I’m planning to host them every 2-3 months on Zoom, and they are free and open to all HSP parents! To make sure you know when the next one is happening, subscribe to our weekly newsletter , or follow us on Instagram.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
The Myth of the Superhero Parent
“Mom, you’re a superhero!”
“I don’t know how you do it all!”
“This family would fall apart without you!”
While on the surface, these “You’re a superhero” brand of comments towards parents - particularly mothers - recognize the hard work of parenthood, they actually reek of toxic positivity. If you’re unfamiliar with “toxic positivity,” it describes attitudes or statements that are intended to cheer someone up or encourage them, but actually suppress real emotions or challenges that the person may be experiencing. For example, “Smile mama, you’ve got this!” Can be more harmful than helpful to a mom who is struggling with depression and lack of support. She does not “got this,” nor will smiling solve her problems - she needs emotional and logistical support to navigate a very difficult period of life.
Toxic positivity and denies the very real societal issues that make modern parenthood so challenging, putting the weight of parenting responsibility on parents themselves. Basically, the myth of the Superhero Parent valorizes self-sacrifice, superhuman strength and determination, and being the “hero” of one’s family/community. While parenthood does offer us many opportunities to be strong and resilient, and certainly requires sacrifice, it truly does us harm to idolize these aspects of parenthood.
The myth of the superhero parents lifts up those parents who are on the verge of burnout because they are “doing it all” and “nobody else could do it like them.” While hearing “you’re a superhero” and “I don’t know how you’re juggling it all - you’re amazing!” can give us a temporary ego boost, it ultimately sets us up for failure because we feel that we shouldn’t need or want help, or that we are somehow a lesser parent if we can’t (or don’t want to) be a “superhero mom/dad” on any given day. This can be especially true for parents who tend towards people-pleasing or perfectionism, which is often the case for Highly Sensitive (HSP) parents.
So how do we push back against this myth? If someone makes a superhero-type comment to you or your partner, don’t hesitate to reply with something like “Thanks for saying that, but honestly it’s exhausting - I definitely can’t do it without support.” Or “Yes, my partner is juggling a lot, but they are a human who needs breaks, and neither of us have the unlimited energy of a superhero!” Most people probably think that they are giving you a compliment, and of course it’s fine to just smile and say “Thank you,” but please don’t forget that while you are certainly working hard and doing an amazing job, you are a human, not a superhuman! Accept - celebrate even - your need for support and your desire to have a life outside of being a parent. Don’t let the Myth of the Superhero Parent force you into cycles of overwhelm, stress, and burnout. You - and your family - deserve for you to be happy, balanced, and well-rested!
Have you been called a “superhero?” Share your experiences in the comments below, and for more resources for HSP and Empath parents, consider subscribing to our weekly newsletter!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator
Finding your Village as Highly Sensitive Parent
Throughout human history, parents had support from extended family, older children, neighbors, and other community members. Community life was a given - humans needed one another to survive and thrive. As I write this, I am in a lovely little coffee shop (shout out to Pappalecco in San Diego) in what I imagine is not only an attempt to get my hands on an exceptional almond croissant, but also to be around other people in a way that is impossible when working from my office at home. Even for HSP introverts like me, it feels good to be around others - we thrive on a certain degree of interdependence and connection with other people!
HSP parents living in other developed or urban areas might especially resonate here, but I would imagine anyone going through parenthood in COVID/early post-COVID times has felt the burden of parenthood without adequate support from others. This includes both practical support - delivering a home-cooked meal or watching your child for a few hours so you can rest, and emotional support - a warm hug, words of encouragement, or inviting you for a dinner out so you can take a break from the role of parent and connect with an adult. If you take a moment and reflect on the last time you got a break from parenthood or connected with another adult in a meaningful way, you would probably also notice that you were happier, more rested, and a more present and peaceful parent afterwards!
So, how do we find this support “village” that seems almost extinct in our modern times? First of all, acknowledge that it may not look like a perfect small tight-knit group of people à la the TV show “Friends.” Your village may include your next door neighbor, who you know you can trust to care for your child an emergency, a colleague from work with whom you go on beach walks every few months, or an old friend who lives in another state. Perhaps it also includes a grandparent with whom you can FaceTime when you’re needing some human connection, or a couple of parents who you know from your child’s preschool. While your community may not feel cohesive and interconnected like we see on TV, it still counts - and it makes a meaningful difference in your life!
Lastly - and perhaps most importantly - give yourself permission to prioritize these relationships at times. Doing so isn’t “selfish,” but rather a way for you to enhance your well-being, sense of belonging, and find more support so that you can thrive as a family.
Take a few moments and write down who you see in your village - they don’t need to be super close emotionally or geographically. Maybe you also notice others who you could welcome into your village. How can you connect with them this week?
P.S. If you resonate with this topic, this is one of 15 areas that I offer a deep-dive into in the Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course. If you’re interested in learning more, visit this link.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator