Highly Sensitive Parenthood Blog
Ebb and Flow for Highly Sensitive People
You may or may not know that, in addition to running Highly Sensitive Parenthood, I also work as a therapist. Several years ago, I completed an intensive training in nature-based therapy, a.k.a. Ecotherapy. One of the most profound aspects of Ecotherapy, for me, is the symbols and lessons that nature offers to us humans. I live in San Diego, and occasionally meet clients at the beach for therapy sessions. Sometimes, we simply enjoy watching the waves crest and recede, noticing how the shoreline shifts as the tides ebb and flow.
Our lives, and our energies, also follow this universal pattern of ebb and flow; intensity and calm both have their place in the cycle of life. This past year has been a more intense season for me as I have navigated launching Highly Sensitive Parenthood, creating two video courses, and crafting weekly blogs, videos, and podcasts for HSP parents and kids. All of this has been on top of maintaining my therapy practice, and of course, taking care of myself and my family!
It has been great fun, and I’ve also come to recognize that my energy is ebbing (for now) around creating regular content for Highly Sensitive Parenthood. I’ll certainly still be around here and there - and if you’re not already subscribed to my newsletter or following me on Instagram, I’ll be updating those periodically with new content and reflections. The weekly newsletters and blogs, however, will be put on pause for now, as I take a bit of time to relax, replenish, and “ebb” - just as I encourage all HSP parents to do when the time is right.
The great news is, my supportive resources for Highly Sensitive Parents and Children are not going anywhere! If you’re looking for more support for you as an HSP parent, or guidance around parenting your HSP child, I have you covered:
My Highly Sensitive Parenthood Toolkit is perfect for parents just starting to explore how being an HSP impacts their experience of parenthood.
My Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course offers a deeper dive into what it means to be an HSP parent and how you can celebrate the gifts of sensitivity while managing the challenges with grace and confidence.
My Blog Archive and Podcast continue to be free and available to you!
For parents of HSP kids, my “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Course offers information about the HSP trait, plus plenty of practical tools and resources for parents and kids.
Lastly, if you’re looking for more personalized support around being a Highly Sensitive Parent, my Nourish Coaching Package might be a good fit for you!
Thank you for continuing on this journey with me at Highly Sensitive Parenthood! I look forward to connecting with you in ways both new and old as we both ebb and flow through parenthood together.
How to talk to a non-HSP Partner about your Sensitivity
In my work with HSP adults, one of the biggest challenges that comes up is having a non-HSP partner who has difficulty understanding the experience of being Highly Sensitive. Of course, there are many benefits to an HSP/non-HSP pairing - my husband is not an HSP and I am (usually) so grateful for his objectivity, ability to set healthy boundaries, and general steadiness! Those of you with HSP/HSP partner pairings can likely also name both benefits and drawbacks of having two sensitive partners navigating life together.
When an HSP feels misunderstood - or worse, judged - by their partner for their sensitivity, however, some problems can arise. Being an HSP is not a weakness or a flaw. It is something to be celebrated for its benefits (empathy, awareness, intentionality, etc) while accommodating some of the challenges that can arise, such as being easily overstimulated or experiencing compassion fatigue.
One way that we can help our non-HSP partners better understand and support us is to simply educate them on the HSP trait. I encourage you to send along this blog, and/or any of the blogs below, that resonate with you. Let them spark a discussion between you and your partner about how you experience the world! Here are a few basics about being an HSP:
What is HSP/High Sensitivity and how do I know if I'm an HSP?
Top 3 Challenges for Highly Sensitive Parents
How do I know if I am a Highly Sensitive (HSP) Parent?
Of course, we all experience the HSP trait in unique ways, so these are simply a jumping off point for further reflection and discussion! You might find that your gender, cultural norms, or personality has impacted your experience of being an HSP, or how other people perceive that trait in you. Bringing this up in conversation with your partner or loved one can be helpful. For example, you could say “In my family growing up, I was told to ‘stop crying’ and ‘quit being so sensitive.’ But I’ve come to realize that my sensitivity also offers many benefits - I love fully, and think deeply about our life together and what’s important to me. When I cry, it actually helps me release my emotions in a positive way. I’d love for you to help me continue to accept who I am while supporting me when things feel tough.” This is just one example of how you could begin to talk with a non-HSP partner about your sensitivity, depending on what that looks like for you.
Because this is such a common challenge for HSPs, I’ve dedicated an entire module of my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course to “Helping Partners and Support People Understand Your HSP Trait!” In that Module, you’ll find a 4-page handout that you can simply print off or email to your non-HSP partner or loved ones, which pretty much does the work for you! In the video portion of that module, I also speak in depth about both HSP/HSP and HSP/non-HSP relationships, and share some practical tips to start the conversation with people in constructive yet loving ways.
You can learn more about the Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course by clicking the button below. If you have any questions, feel free to send me an email or comment below, and we’ll chat!
The Power of Micro-Breaks as an HSP Parent
Let’s be real, parenting is relentless. Many of us Highly Sensitive Parents don’t get nearly the amount of down time that we need to feel calm and energized. Instead, we find ourselves rushing from task to task, frantically trying to accomplish everything that needs to get done in a day.
First of all, this “busyness” is NOT a “you” problem - it’s a societal problem. Parents (particularly moms) have an immense amount of pressure put on them, and we were never meant to care for our children in such isolation. Throughout much of history, living in communities or villages meant that we had childcare (from family members or other parents), shared cooking or household chores, and just more social support. These days, many parents are expected to do all of that on their own, plus attend to modern-day tasks such as paperwork, emails, volunteering, birthday parties, etc! When parents work outside the home in addition to taking care of their children and household, this can add another layer of intensity to the schedule. Conversely, staying at home with your children can add another layer of emotional and sensory intensity for many HSPs. No matter what our lives look like, early parenthood is simply HARD.
All that said, I don’t want to minimize self-care or shame those of us who simply feel too busy to care for ourselves amidst the many responsibilities that our lives bring. Rather, I have a simple but powerful suggestion that can support any parent who is feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated: Micro-breaks!
One of my good friends (a mom of two young kids) recently set a goal for herself to have 20 minutes total of alone time per day. While ideally she would be getting much more than that, 20 minutes is what feels do-able right now. That’s okay! But protecting those 20 minutes, and being intentional about them, becomes extra important because the time is so precious. This is where micro-breaks come in.
I define a “micro-break” as between 1-10 minutes of downtime. Downtime can look like:
Laying down and closing your eyes
Doing a few yoga poses
A quick walk
Calling a friend
Watching a funny video
Mindfulness or breathing practices
Anything that feels calming or energizing, depending on what you need
Why 1-10 minutes? While many of us HSP parents would love to get 1-10 hours of alone time per day, it can be really difficult to find extended pockets of time to relax. Because of the difficulty, many of us simply give up and get no downtime, or when we get it, we’re so exhausted that we numbly scroll Instagram or rush around trying to find something else to do. By intentionally taking micro-breaks, we fully allow ourselves to relax into whatever it is we are doing to replenish ourselves.
I sometimes find it helpful to set a brief timer so that I can relax into that time fully - in that case, I’ll literally set a timer for 10 minutes, plop down on the couch, and read a few pages of a book. You might also simply pause and listen to a favorite song before getting out of your car, or walk once around the block. Similarly, taking 10 deep breaths or taking a minute or two to stretch is something that’s accessible to us most of the time, even when a child is crying or it’s time to prepare a meal.
These micro-breaks will not immediately resolve our stress and overwhelm, but they can take it down a few notches. By giving yourself permission to relax and take time for yourself, you replenish your energy and remind yourself that you are worthy of feeling good - you don’t exist simply to accomplish tasks or take care of others. That said, pause right now and think of one micro-break that feels achievable to you. Do it - right now if at all possible! Notice how it feels to take that time for yourself. I encourage you to incorporate micro-breaks into your daily routine. If you’re anything like me, it will make a world of difference for you as a Highly Sensitive Parent.
If you’re looking for more support for you as an HSP parent, or guidance around parenting your HSP child, check out my Resources Page!
Calm Outings for HSP Parents & Children
Last week, I took a good look at “Why are Birthday Parties so Hard for HSPs?” Reflecting on birthday parties got me thinking about the pressure many parents feel to go on fun outings with their kids, even when they cause overwhelm for the HSP parent and/or child.
Of course, HSPs still want to have fun, but sometimes our version of fun may look a bit different from that of the general public! This week, I’m suggesting some calm outings for HSP parents and HSP children to spark your imagination and give you some practical ideas about ways to connect with your child that don’t feel too draining or overwhelming.
Neighborhood Walk - Sometimes getting your bags packed, getting the kid(s) in the car, navigating traffic, finding parking, and doing the whole thing in reverse is simply TOO MUCH! Give yourself permission to get out and about in your neighborhood. This could simply be a walk/stroll/bike ride around your house. Go on your own, or invite a friend if you’re looking for some social connection!
Picnic in the Park - Packing up a picnic basket can be part of the fun for older kids, and taking time to sit and enjoy the outdoors can be a wonderful way to mindfully engage with your child and the world around you.
Botanical Gardens or Regional Parks - I have had good luck with these places being uncrowded, accessible, and calm, but still enjoyable for kids.
Zoos or Children's Museums - These can be really chaotic on weekends, but can be wonderful on weekdays if you have the chance to visit them!
Libraries - Some offer children’s activities or storytimes, but feel free to avoid these if you’d prefer to simply sit with your child and read!
Staying home - You don’t need to go on “outings” every day - many HSP parents I know aim for only once per week. Sometimes, the best thing for you and/or your child is to simply stay home, cuddle up, nap, watch a show together, read, play a game, or whatever else brings you joy and calm!
What are your favorite outings as a family? I’d love to hear your thoughts! And if you’re looking for more support for you as an HSP parent, or guidance around parenting your HSP child, check out my Resources Page!
Why are Birthday Parties so Hard for HSPs?
This week’s blog topic is a fun one! I’ve had several HSP clients express to me their frustration with children’s birthday parties, and have spent time reflecting on why birthday parties feel so challenging for both Highly Sensitive Parents and Highly Sensitive children.
So why DO children’s birthday parties tend to be so painful for HSPs?
For attendees (children or adults), there tends to be a relatively high level of chaos. Whether the party takes place at a playground, a home, or a party facility, it’s almost certainly going to be loud and boisterous. Overstimulation is pretty much a given. Additionally, you may not know many people there, so there’s an added element of the energy that it requires to make small talk with people for a couple of hours. Of course, there’s also the preparation - RSVPing, buying a gift, transportation - and the effort it takes to wind down after the sugar rush of birthday cake.
For HSP parents who are hosting a child’s birthday party, we can add a few more items to the list of potential stressors. Settling on a time and place, developing a guest list (and trying not to offend anyone), sending out invitations and collecting RSVPs, coordinating vendors, creating goody bags, corralling gifts and sending out thank you notes… the list goes on and on!
Let me pause here to acknowledge that, at least in many communities in the United States, there are pressures put on parents to “do” a birthday party in a certain way. We see picture-perfect parties on Instagram and Pinterest, and there is a continuous pressure placed on parents to give their children exceptional childhoods, including lavish parties. Let this blog be a reminder that we CAN opt out of most (or all!) of the above, and don’t need to break our budget or drive ourselves to a nervous breakdown just to provide our kids with a “perfect” birthday party.
So far, my kids have celebrated a cumulative total of 13 birthdays, so I have some experience in planning how to celebrate their birthdays each year. I’m sharing a few ideas below that may be supportive for HSP parents and HSP kids around birthday celebrations - feel free to take them as your own, and release yourself from the expectations that may not work well for you or your family!
If your child is invited to a birthday party that you know will likely be overwhelming (I’m looking at you, Chuck E Cheese and Go-Kart parties), know that you can opt out. If you are an HSP, perhaps a non-HSP partner or family member can take your child. If your child is an HSP and you know it may be overstimulating for them, you can either choose to opt out, or simply to attend for part of the party and leave a bit early.
If you are planning your own child’s party, consider what you can do to relieve some of the stress. For younger children, “themed” birthday parties with decorations, cakes, and goody bags are simply unnecessary - unless, of course, you are genuinely excited about making this happen! Shameless admission: I have only ONCE created goody bags for one of my kids’ birthday parties, and never plan to do it again. They require so much work, and most of the time, the items just get broken or tossed within a few days. Again, if you love making goody bags, more power to you, but if you don’t want to take the time or energy, give yourself permission to skip it.
Consider hosting the party on your patio or at a local playground, ordering a few pizzas, and just showing up. For lower-key birthday parties, sending out formal invitations and tracking RSVPs can be let go in lieu of just texting a few friends or family members with the time and place. This year, I’m planning on texting a few of my son’s friends to gather at a local park and bring soccer balls for a soccer party. I’ll probably grab a cake and some juice boxes from the grocery store, and call it good!
Consider skipping a Birthday Party and instead gifting your child with a special experience. Last year, my family went to Legoland for a couple of days (we already had passes, so this was not an extra expense), and stayed overnight at the adjoining hotel for my son’s birthday. It was super memorable and fun for all of us, and honestly cost about the same as hosting a birthday party for a group of friends (but with a lot less stress!) Of course, you can save even more money and stress by simply visiting a state park or beach, going camping, or just gathering a few friends at the neighborhood pool or park. For many years when my kids were little, we just had some friends over on our patio for an afternoon - that’s it!
I hope you feel empowered to release some of the intense expectations around attending or planning kids’ birthday parties as an HSP! I’d love to hear some of your thoughts or experiences in the comments below so that we can learn from each other about what does (and doesn’t) work!
If you haven’t yet, I invite you to sign up for my email newsletter so that you don’t miss any announcements about new blogs or offerings from Highly Sensitive Parenthood. As a bonus, you’ll receive a free printable PDF with "5 Tips to Manage Overstimulation for HSP Parents!”
3 Signs of Sensory Overwhelm in Highly Sensitive Children
Avoidance, tears, and big emotions - these are just a few of the ways that sensory overload can show up in Highly Sensitive (HSP) Children! While the HSP trait includes many wonderful gifts to children and those who love them - empathy, awareness, and thoughtfulness, just to name a few - it also can lead to some intense overwhelm for HSP children. While each child is different, many Highly Sensitive children struggle with both environmental overstimulation as well as emotional overwhelm.
Many HSP children find crowded places, loud classrooms, or scratchy fabrics to be overstimulating. Additionally, older HSP children often feel emotionally overwhelmed - whether due to their own deep and complex feelings, or due to “taking on” the emotions of their friends and family. While the causes of overwhelm can differ from child to child, we can identify some relatively common “warning signs” that your HSP child is overstimulated. Let’s look at a few:
Avoidance - When things are feeling overwhelming, many HSPs have the desire to simply avoid them or escape them. For example, if a child is feeling overstimulated at a loud sporting event, they may cover their ears and ask to leave. You might spot avoidance prior to certain situations, too - such as a child feeling upset about having to go to school or attend a certain function, and asking to stay home instead. Or, you might notice your child covering their eyes, ears, or even retreating to a quieter space such as a bathroom or outdoors.
Tears - For younger children, tantrums can be a sign of sensory overwhelm. At times, though, overstimulation can lead to quiet tears or other forms of emotional distress. Crying can actually provide some benefits for HSPs (see my blog on “The Benefits of Crying for Sensitive Parents” to learn more). For Highly Sensitive Children, crying can provide an emotional release, as well as signal to parents or caregivers that the child is in distress and may need help.
Big Emotions - HSPs tend to feel things deeply. While this means that positive emotions - joy, love, excitement - can feel magnified for HSPs, so too can negative emotions such as anxiety, anger, or irritability. When you notice that your Highly Sensitive child is feeling extra worried, upset, or grumpy, these may be signals that they are feeling overstimulated. Sometimes the source of overstimulation may be obvious to you; perhaps they’ve had a busy day at school followed by a sports practice and a dinner at a loud restaurant. Other times, you may need to ask them or simply observe or reflect on their experiences and schedule in order to determine what may be causing your child’s overwhelm.
When a child is overstimulated and signaling this through avoidance, tears, or big emotions, it’s our job as parents to help them to navigate that situation. Usually, this means doing what we can to reduce or eliminate the source of overstimulation, as well as providing our child with ways to cope or calm. Something as simple as a hug, an offer of a snack, or making a plan to leave the situation can go a long way towards reducing your child’s overwhelm.
Additionally, the more you and your child become aware of the sources and “warning signs” of overstimulation, the more you can do to reduce the likelihood of overstimulation occurring in the first place! My “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” course takes a deeper look at how parents and caregivers can support their HSP children in meaningful, practical ways. If you’re interested in learning more about the HSP trait and your child, and want to empower your child with an awareness of their gifts as well as confidence in navigating some of the challenges they may be facing, visit the course information page to learn more!
Introducing the “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Course
While my original vision for Highly Sensitive Parenthood was to simply support HSP parents through the joys and challenges of parenthood, I noticed that I had many parents coming to me with questions about how they could support their HSP child. Once it became clear that parents were looking for support to better understand and support their child’s sensitivity, I knew that I had to develop the “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” course.
Over the last several months, I’ve worked hard to dive into the research, create unique resources, and record videos for the “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” course - and I’m thrilled to announce that it’s here! The course releases on March 1, and is available for a presale-only price of $99 (it’ll bump up to $129 after March 5).
If you think this course might be helpful for you or a loved one, read on!
The “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Course includes 7 Video-based Modules and accompanying printable materials that you can access on your own time, including:
Module 1: The HSP Trait & Your Child
Module 2: Celebrating the Gifts of your Highly Sensitive Child
Module 3: Recognizing the Challenges of your Highly Sensitive Child
Module 4: Identifying Calming & Coping Skills
Module 5: Building Resilience & Managing Challenging Moments
Module 6: Managing Overwhelm or Frustration as a Parent of a Highly Sensitive Child
Module 7: Advocating for your Child in Educational, Medical, and Social Settings
BONUS: Course Materials & Resources, including printable materials that you can use with your child or with people who support your child
BONUS: Course Module Transcript E-book with written descriptions of each module's content, in case videos aren't your thing, as well as actionable reflections to help you put module content into practice.
The “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Course is for you if…
You’re a mother, father, grandparent, or other caregiver of a Highly Sensitive (HSP) or Deeply Feeling Child who wants to learn more about the trait of High Sensitivity.
You want to support and celebrate your child’s unique gifts, including empathy, self-awareness, and the ability to notice and meaningfully reflect on the world around them.
You want to help your child to minimize the challenges of the HSP trait, including overstimulation and intense emotions.
You are seeking concrete ideas, skills, and tools to support your Highly Sensitive Child through challenging moments
You sometimes struggle with your own frustration or uncertainty with how to respond to your child’s emotions or behaviors
You seek to advocate for your child’s unique needs (and strengths) with their teachers, coaches, family members, or other loved ones.
I’ve built this course just for parents and caregivers of Highly Sensitive children, and drawn on my professional and personal experience working with HSPs to offer you valuable information, opportunities for reflection, and concrete ideas and strategies to support and empower your Highly Sensitive Child.
I hope you’ll join me in “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child!” If you have any thoughts or questions about the Course, please feel free to email me at amy@highlysensitiveparenthood.com and I’ll get back to you!