The Myth of the Superhero Parent

“Mom, you’re a superhero!”

“I don’t know how you do it all!”

“This family would fall apart without you!”

While on the surface, these “You’re a superhero” brand of comments towards parents - particularly mothers - recognize the hard work of parenthood, they actually reek of toxic positivity. If you’re unfamiliar with “toxic positivity,” it describes attitudes or statements that are intended to cheer someone up or encourage them, but actually suppress real emotions or challenges that the person may be experiencing. For example, “Smile mama, you’ve got this!” Can be more harmful than helpful to a mom who is struggling with depression and lack of support. She does not “got this,” nor will smiling solve her problems - she needs emotional and logistical support to navigate a very difficult period of life.

Toxic positivity and denies the very real societal issues that make modern parenthood so challenging, putting the weight of parenting responsibility on parents themselves. Basically, the myth of the Superhero Parent valorizes self-sacrifice, superhuman strength and determination, and being the “hero” of one’s family/community. While parenthood does offer us many opportunities to be strong and resilient, and certainly requires sacrifice, it truly does us harm to idolize these aspects of parenthood.

The myth of the superhero parents lifts up those parents who are on the verge of burnout because they are “doing it all” and “nobody else could do it like them.”  While hearing “you’re a superhero” and “I don’t know how you’re juggling it all - you’re amazing!” can give us a temporary ego boost, it ultimately sets us up for failure because we feel that we shouldn’t need or want help, or that we are somehow a lesser parent if we can’t (or don’t want to) be a “superhero mom/dad” on any given day.  This can be especially true for parents who tend towards people-pleasing or perfectionism, which is often the case for Highly Sensitive (HSP) parents.

So how do we push back against this myth? If someone makes a superhero-type comment to you or your partner, don’t hesitate to reply with something like “Thanks for saying that, but honestly it’s exhausting - I definitely can’t do it without support.” Or “Yes, my partner is juggling a lot, but they are a human who needs breaks, and neither of us have the unlimited energy of a superhero!” Most people probably think that they are giving you a compliment, and of course it’s fine to just smile and say “Thank you,” but please don’t forget that while you are certainly working hard and doing an amazing job, you are a human, not a superhuman! Accept - celebrate even - your need for support and your desire to have a life outside of being a parent. Don’t let the Myth of the Superhero Parent force you into cycles of overwhelm, stress, and burnout. You - and your family - deserve for you to be happy, balanced, and well-rested!

Have you been called a “superhero?” Share your experiences in the comments below, and for more resources for HSP and Empath parents, consider subscribing to our weekly newsletter!

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator

Navigating HSP Fatherhood: 3 Strengths of Highly Sensitive Dads

Hey there, HSP and Empath dads! While I’m writing this post in honor of Father’s Day, which is upcoming here in the U.S., I want you to know that you’re welcome here on our blog/website anytime. Being a Highly Sensitive parent comes with its own gifts and challenges, but these can be particularly difficult to navigate for HSP dads.

Many HSP males have had societal expectations of “toughness,” emotional stability, and emotional suppression placed on them by society.  In other words, depending on your culture, gender, and more, you may have been told “stop being so sensitive,” or “why are you so emotional?” as if these are flaws.  You may have also been discouraged from seeking support (mental health or otherwise) or from engaging in activities that allow you to experience and process your emotions.  If you have experienced these comments or been victimized for your sensitivity, please know that you are not alone, and that the “weaknesses” can actually be strengths that help support you and your family. Here’s how:

• As an HSP dad, you are probably quite attuned to your child’s emotional and practical needs, making you an amazing caregiver to your child - and if partnered, a conscientious and compassionate partner.

• Your emotional sensitivity and awareness helps to model a new version of masculinity to your child(ren): one in which it is not only acceptable, but healthy to be in touch with and express your emotions.

• Your depth of processing - that is, your ability to reflect deeply on meaningful issues - likely helps you to be very intentional about how you are parenting your child.  While some days might feel like a chaotic blur, you have probably given a great deal of thought to how you want to care for your child, help them with difficult emotions or behaviors, and support their own dreams and well-being as they get older.

I hope that this blog has helped you to see your sensitivity through fresh eyes, letting go of the false belief that your sensitivity is a flaw or weakness.  This Father’s Day, I hope you proudly claim your HSP trait and celebrate it as the gift to your family that it truly is.  And if your ideal Father’s Day doesn’t include a BBQ or a trip to a noisy bar, but rather a quiet nature hike or some time with a good book, soak it up!  You deserve a celebration that truly replenishes you.  Lastly, If you know an HSP dad, please share this blog with them!  Our HSP community is stronger when we are made up of a diversity of people and experiences.  

If you’re ready to feel more empowered in your HSP Fatherhood, please check out other blog posts that may be of interest to you, or check out our HSP Parenthood Toolkit or HSP Parenthood Course for more in-depth support.

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator