The Myth of the Superhero Parent
“Mom, you’re a superhero!”
“I don’t know how you do it all!”
“This family would fall apart without you!”
While on the surface, these “You’re a superhero” brand of comments towards parents - particularly mothers - recognize the hard work of parenthood, they actually reek of toxic positivity. If you’re unfamiliar with “toxic positivity,” it describes attitudes or statements that are intended to cheer someone up or encourage them, but actually suppress real emotions or challenges that the person may be experiencing. For example, “Smile mama, you’ve got this!” Can be more harmful than helpful to a mom who is struggling with depression and lack of support. She does not “got this,” nor will smiling solve her problems - she needs emotional and logistical support to navigate a very difficult period of life.
Toxic positivity and denies the very real societal issues that make modern parenthood so challenging, putting the weight of parenting responsibility on parents themselves. Basically, the myth of the Superhero Parent valorizes self-sacrifice, superhuman strength and determination, and being the “hero” of one’s family/community. While parenthood does offer us many opportunities to be strong and resilient, and certainly requires sacrifice, it truly does us harm to idolize these aspects of parenthood.
The myth of the superhero parents lifts up those parents who are on the verge of burnout because they are “doing it all” and “nobody else could do it like them.” While hearing “you’re a superhero” and “I don’t know how you’re juggling it all - you’re amazing!” can give us a temporary ego boost, it ultimately sets us up for failure because we feel that we shouldn’t need or want help, or that we are somehow a lesser parent if we can’t (or don’t want to) be a “superhero mom/dad” on any given day. This can be especially true for parents who tend towards people-pleasing or perfectionism, which is often the case for Highly Sensitive (HSP) parents.
So how do we push back against this myth? If someone makes a superhero-type comment to you or your partner, don’t hesitate to reply with something like “Thanks for saying that, but honestly it’s exhausting - I definitely can’t do it without support.” Or “Yes, my partner is juggling a lot, but they are a human who needs breaks, and neither of us have the unlimited energy of a superhero!” Most people probably think that they are giving you a compliment, and of course it’s fine to just smile and say “Thank you,” but please don’t forget that while you are certainly working hard and doing an amazing job, you are a human, not a superhuman! Accept - celebrate even - your need for support and your desire to have a life outside of being a parent. Don’t let the Myth of the Superhero Parent force you into cycles of overwhelm, stress, and burnout. You - and your family - deserve for you to be happy, balanced, and well-rested!
Have you been called a “superhero?” Share your experiences in the comments below, and for more resources for HSP and Empath parents, consider subscribing to our weekly newsletter!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator
