Highly Sensitive Parenthood Blog
3 Ways to Cope as an Anxious Highly Sensitive Parent
In last week’s blog, I gave an introduction to how being an HSP can impact your experience of anxiety. This week, I’ll be sharing a few basic ways to cope with anxiety as an HSP parent.
1. Learn some Relaxation and Mindfulness Skills
This sounds simple, but learning ways to calm yourself when feeling anxious or overstimulated is a very powerful tool! In fact, a 2015 study by Pluess & Boniwell found that High Sensitivity “only related to anxiety when mindfulness and acceptance were low, but the relationships were not significant when mindfulness and acceptance were high.” In short, the following factors reduce HSP’s experience of anxiety to the level of non-HSPs:
Practicing mindfulness skills such as deep breathing and meditation
Gaining awareness of your physical body and noticing those warning signs of overstimulation
Learning specific ways to calm your body (ex. Yoga, going outdoors, listening to music, etc)
Intentional emotional and physical boundary setting - for parents, this can look like taking time alone when “over-touched” or asking to be touched in a less intense way
2. Reduce exposure to situations and environments that lead to overstimulation
You may already know that certain environments create greater stress for you. For me (and many HSP parents), these environments can include:
Childrens’ birthday parties
Amusement parks or Zoos
Rooms cluttered with toys or kid gear
Multitasking, for example trying to cook dinner while the TV is on and your child is talking to you
Once you know that these environments are overstimulating to you, you might choose to make some changes. For example, you might only visit the zoo early in the morning, when it is less likely to be crowded. Or, if the dinnertime scenario resonates, perhaps turn the TV off and provide a toy or activity to occupy your child so that you can focus solely on cooking.
3. Challenge negative or unrealistic ways of thinking
One of the proven types of therapy for anxiety is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps people to understand how their emotions and behaviors are impacted by negative thoughts, and helps to tweak those negative thoughts to be more positive and/or realistic. If you find that your anxiety includes nervous or upsetting thoughts, CBT can help you recognize negative thought patterns and correct them. For example, if you are nervous about your child starting at a new school, you might be having thoughts such as “they won’t make any friends” and “they will cry all day.” These thoughts can feel very real and very upsetting, but if you look at them logically, they are also not very realistic. Even changing your thoughts to be more moderate can be really helpful to reduce anxiety. For example, “They might cry for a while after I drop them off, and that makes me upset, but I know they will also smile and have a good time at other points in the day,” feels a LOT better than “they will cry all day.” While there are some great CBT workbooks out there, it can often be difficult for people to even recognize when their thoughts are unrealistic or distorted, which is where a therapist can help!
It can often be supportive - even necessary - to seek professional help to manage your anxiety. If you feel that this might be the case, please seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about High Sensitivity. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results. If you’re in California, I would love to support you in my role as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy.
Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results. Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
Understanding HSP Parents and Anxiety
In my work as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy (for clients in the state of California), I support many Highly Sensitive (HSP) Parents who are also experiencing anxiety of various types. For the purpose of this article, I’ll focus on Generalized Anxiety, but other types of anxiety, such as Social Anxiety and Panic (see blog on Panic here), can also afflict HSPs.
While I can’t go into detail here about diagnostic criteria or clinical treatment, I want to share some important considerations for HSP parents with anxiety.
Put very simply, anxiety tends to include an overactive nervous system. Anxiety can feel like your heart beating quickly, shaky hands, quickened breathing, and feeling jittery and worried. Unfortunately, one of the main challenges for HSPs is that they tend to be easily overstimulated, which can lead to a more intense experience of anxiety or panic than for a non-HSP. When the HSP is in a busy or intense environment, or has many thoughts or tasks racing through their head, they are even more overstimulated than the typical person.
Parenthood is, for many people, pretty darn overstimulating. There is a constant list of tasks to accomplish: buy more diapers, research preschools, prepare meals, etc. In addition, children tend to have a lot of attentional needs. When they want to get your attention, they may tug at your hand or call your name repeatedly, or may interrupt household or work tasks over and over. While this is totally normal behavior for young kids, it can also be quite overstimulating for many Highly Sensitive Moms, Dads, and Caregivers! This can lead to feelings of guilt or helplessness, but I promise you, you are not deficient as a parent if you find yourself overstimulated by your children at times! There are solutions to reduce overstimulation, even when it comes from your own children. You are not alone in your experience of this, and it has nothing to do with how much you love or how well you care for your child.
So what are we to do about this? If you think you might have an Anxiety disorder, or are just feeling like something is off, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health provider for support. And when you do, be sure to mention that you are an HSP so that you know your provider is knowledgeable about the HSP trait. Dr. Elaine Aron, the researcher who first coined the term HSP, maintains a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her website. If you’re in California, I can support you as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy.
Once you begin working with your therapist - or even if you have one already but have not yet broached the topic of High Sensitivity - one of the most important topics to bring up is how your anxiety may be tied to being overstimulated. You and your therapist might choose to track what situations or stimuli feel intense for you, or perhaps brainstorm ways to reduce sensory overstimulation. For example, noise-reducing earplugs or dimming lights/tech screens can be easy ways to reduce sensory input for HSPs. My Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course also has two video modules on how to reduce and cope with overstimulation, and can serve as a wonderful supplement to therapy!
I’m just scratching the surface on HSPs and anxiety here - it’s a huge topic, and there is lots more to say! In next week’s blog, I’ll be sharing 3 ways to cope as an anxious Highly Sensitive Parent. To make sure you don’t miss out, subscribe to our newsletter for a quick weekly update from Highly Sensitive Parenthood.
Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results. Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
Panic attacks and High Sensitivity: My Story
Shortness of breath.
Heart palpitations.
Numbness in fingers.
Difficulty speaking.
Stomach & Chest pain.
Nausea.
Dizziness.
Sounds like a heart attack or a stroke, right? While it’s always a good idea to get checked out by a doctor if you are experiencing any of these symptoms, they also can be symptoms of an intense but ultimately physically harmless panic attack.
A major turning point in my journey as a Highly Sensitive (HSP) parent was when I had my first panic attack. I had definitely experienced episodes of intense anxiety before, but never anything so debilitating as what occurred a few weeks after the birth of my second child. My husband had gone out for a much-deserved outing with some friends, and I was on my own for the evening for the first time with my 3 year old and 5 week old sons. It started when I was sitting on the floor trying to nurse my crying baby, while my 3 year old was crawling on my back and talking to me incessantly (I love him, but he was a major chatterbox at that age)! In retrospect, it was incredibly physically overstimulating - too much noise, too many physical touches, too many demands on my body and attention.
I started feeling some pain in my solar plexus (where my ribs meet) and some shortness of breath. After a few minutes, this progressed into all of the symptoms listed above, to the point where my vision was blacking out, I couldn’t stand up, and could only say “it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay” over and over again. I thankfully had the wherewithal to call my sister, who then called my husband to come home. The experience was so intense and scary that I went to the ER, where they ran several tests and couldn’t find any physiological issues. My background in mental health ultimately led me to understand that I had experienced a very intense panic attack, and my journey from there led me to find a therapist specializing in postpartum anxiety and beginning to take anti-anxiety medication.
I experienced several more minor panic attacks in the months afterwards, and still experience mini versions of them from time to time. Understanding this experience through the lens of High Sensitivity and Overstimulation has empowered me to make impactful changes. Taking breaks, reducing sensory input (noises, touch, etc), and listening to my body when it is saying “too much” have all helped me to reduce overstimulation and subsequent anxiety and panic.
If you, too, have experienced intense anxiety and panic, please know that you are not alone. I encourage you to find a therapist who can support you.
If you don’t need mental health support or are already working with a therapist, but want to explore your experiences as a Highly Sensitive or Empath parent in more depth, please check out the Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course that I’ve created just for parents like you. It’s designed to teach you about the HSP trait, help you reflect on your experience, and empower you to see the gifts of your sensitivity while compassionately tending to the challenges of being an HSP parent. With two whole modules on the topic of overstimulation, and 15 different meditation & relaxation practices, you’ll learn many tools to manage overwhelm, reduce feelings of anxiety and panic, and just be a calmer, happier person and parent!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator