3 Ways to Cope as an Anxious Highly Sensitive Parent

In last week’s blog, I gave an introduction to how being an HSP can impact your experience of anxiety. This week, I’ll be sharing a few basic ways to cope with anxiety as an HSP parent.

1. Learn some Relaxation and Mindfulness Skills

This sounds simple, but learning ways to calm yourself when feeling anxious or overstimulated is a very powerful tool!  In fact, a 2015 study by Pluess & Boniwell found that High Sensitivity “only related to anxiety when mindfulness and acceptance were low, but the relationships were not significant when mindfulness and acceptance were high.” In short, the following factors reduce HSP’s experience of anxiety to the level of non-HSPs:

• Practicing mindfulness skills such as deep breathing and meditation

• Gaining awareness of your physical body and noticing those warning signs of overstimulation

• Learning specific ways to calm your body (ex. Yoga, going outdoors, listening to music, etc)

• Intentional emotional and physical boundary setting - for parents, this can look like taking time alone when “over-touched” or asking to be touched in a less intense way

2. Reduce exposure to situations and environments that lead to overstimulation

You may already know that certain environments create greater stress for you.  For me (and many HSP parents), these environments can include:

• Childrens’ birthday parties

• Amusement parks or Zoos

• Rooms cluttered with toys or kid gear

• Multitasking, for example trying to cook dinner while the TV is on and your child is talking to you

Once you know that these environments are overstimulating to you, you might choose to make some changes.  For example, you might only visit the zoo early in the morning, when it is less likely to be crowded.  Or, if the dinnertime scenario resonates, perhaps turn the TV off and provide a toy or activity to occupy your child so that you can focus solely on cooking.

3. Challenge negative or unrealistic ways of thinking

One of the proven types of therapy for anxiety is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps people to understand how their emotions and behaviors are impacted by negative thoughts, and helps to tweak those negative thoughts to be more positive and/or realistic.  If you find that your anxiety includes nervous or upsetting thoughts, CBT can help you recognize negative thought patterns and correct them.  For example, if you are nervous about your child starting at a new school, you might be having thoughts such as “they won’t make any friends” and “they will cry all day.”  These thoughts can feel very real and very upsetting, but if you look at them logically, they are also not very realistic.  Even changing your thoughts to be more moderate can be really helpful to reduce anxiety.  For example, “They might cry for a while after I drop them off, and that makes me upset, but I know they will also smile and have a good time at other points in the day,” feels a LOT better than “they will cry all day.”  While there are some great CBT workbooks out there, it can often be difficult for people to even recognize when their thoughts are unrealistic or distorted, which is where a therapist can help!

It can often be supportive - even necessary - to seek professional help to manage your anxiety. If you feel that this might be the case, please seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about High Sensitivity. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results. If you’re in California, I would love to support you in my role as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy.

Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results.  Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.  

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator