Top 3 Challenges for Highly Sensitive Parents (and how to manage them)
Earlier this week, I was chatting with some Highly Sensitive parents at our virtual Coffee Chat, and I asked the question “What are your top challenges as HSP parents?” While there are *MANY* strengths that HSP parents bring to the table (I’ll tackle these in a future blog, I promise), there are also many challenges that are common for sensitive and empath parents. Here are the top 3 that our group identified:
1) Always being “on”
I often describe parenthood as “relentless.” Although we do sleep and (hopefully) take time away from our children to just be ourselves, our identity and role as parents never fully leaves us once we welcome our child into the world. I’m guessing that all of us have had the experience of having a stressful day, feeling exhausted, and still somehow needing to scrape up the energy to get dinner on the table, bathe our child(ren), do the bedtime routine, etc. This is particularly challenging for HSP parents, who tend to be more easily drained by daily life, sensory overload, and the multiple demands on our attention.
2) Managing my emotions when my child is upset
This one is so hard. To be honest, I am very much a work in progress when it comes to this challenge! When our kid is upset, we have the double whammy of auditory overstimulation (from our child crying, yelling, etc.) and being intensely attuned to their emotions (which may be very intense - anger, sadness, upset, etc.) As HSP parents, we need to simultaneously tend to our own emotions and help our children work through their feelings. There is no one right way to do this! Depending on the situation, it can look like:
Holding your child when they cry - the cuddles can help regulate their emotions as well as yours!
Asking your child to spend time in a quiet place where they can calm down, while you retreat to a separate room in order to manage your own emotional response
Holding hands with them, looking into their eyes, and taking deep breaths together
Verbally acknowledging their emotion, for example “It seems like you feel upset that we had to leave the playground. That’s disappointing, isn’t it! I’m looking forward to going with you again tomorrow.” Then having a similar empathetic response to your own emotions, for example “It’s hard to parent when my kid is upset, since my own body and mind feel their emotions so intensely. I’m doing the best I can to manage.”
3) My partner/loved ones not understanding or supporting my sensitivity
HSPs can seem mysterious to our partners and loved ones - the depth of our awareness and emotions can be received with confusion or, unfortunately, judgment. When those in our life say things like “you’re too sensitive” or “you’re too soft with our child,” it can feel like a denial or judgment of who we are on a very deep level. Educating your loved ones on the HSP trait is a great start. You can send them the link to my blog post with basic information on High Sensitivity https://www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com/blog/what-is-an-hsp-and-how-do-i-know-if-i-am-highly-sensitive) or, if you’re looking for more in-depth support, my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course https://highlysensitiveparenthood.mykajabi.com/hsp-parenthood-course ) has an entire 15-minute video module on “Helping Partners & Support People Understand your HSP trait,” plus a bonus “How to support your HSP Loved One” handout to help loved ones and partners understand your HSP trait and how it impacts your experience as a parent and person.
Do you resonate with these common challenges for HSP parents? Feel free to comment below with your challenges as an HSP parent, and/or ways that you manage them!
P.S. I’d love to have you join us for future Coffee Chats! I’m planning to host them every 2-3 months on Zoom, and they are free and open to all HSP parents! To make sure you know when the next one is happening, subscribe to our weekly newsletter , or follow us on Instagram.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
