Finding your Village as Highly Sensitive Parent
Throughout human history, parents had support from extended family, older children, neighbors, and other community members. Community life was a given - humans needed one another to survive and thrive. As I write this, I am in a lovely little coffee shop (shout out to Pappalecco in San Diego) in what I imagine is not only an attempt to get my hands on an exceptional almond croissant, but also to be around other people in a way that is impossible when working from my office at home. Even for HSP introverts like me, it feels good to be around others - we thrive on a certain degree of interdependence and connection with other people!
HSP parents living in other developed or urban areas might especially resonate here, but I would imagine anyone going through parenthood in COVID/early post-COVID times has felt the burden of parenthood without adequate support from others. This includes both practical support - delivering a home-cooked meal or watching your child for a few hours so you can rest, and emotional support - a warm hug, words of encouragement, or inviting you for a dinner out so you can take a break from the role of parent and connect with an adult. If you take a moment and reflect on the last time you got a break from parenthood or connected with another adult in a meaningful way, you would probably also notice that you were happier, more rested, and a more present and peaceful parent afterwards!
So, how do we find this support “village” that seems almost extinct in our modern times? First of all, acknowledge that it may not look like a perfect small tight-knit group of people à la the TV show “Friends.” Your village may include your next door neighbor, who you know you can trust to care for your child an emergency, a colleague from work with whom you go on beach walks every few months, or an old friend who lives in another state. Perhaps it also includes a grandparent with whom you can FaceTime when you’re needing some human connection, or a couple of parents who you know from your child’s preschool. While your community may not feel cohesive and interconnected like we see on TV, it still counts - and it makes a meaningful difference in your life!
Lastly - and perhaps most importantly - give yourself permission to prioritize these relationships at times. Doing so isn’t “selfish,” but rather a way for you to enhance your well-being, sense of belonging, and find more support so that you can thrive as a family.
Take a few moments and write down who you see in your village - they don’t need to be super close emotionally or geographically. Maybe you also notice others who you could welcome into your village. How can you connect with them this week?
P.S. If you resonate with this topic, this is one of 15 areas that I offer a deep-dive into in the Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course. If you’re interested in learning more, visit this link.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator
