Highly Sensitive Parenthood Blog
How to Turn Overwhelming Spaces into Soothing Sanctuaries
with Rebecca Jo-Rushdy of Spark Joy and Flow
Our living spaces are more than just physical locations; they are extensions of our inner selves. The environment we create within our homes can significantly influence our moods and overall well-being. For HSP individuals, who are especially attuned to external stimuli, a cluttered or chaotic space can be particularly overwhelming. In my work as a therapist and coach, I work with many Highly Sensitive parents to identify how their home environments impact their well-being, and how to honor their needs for calm, intentional spaces.
With that, I’m so thrilled to share my conversation with Rebecca Jo-Rushdy of Spark Joy and Flow with the Highly Sensitive Parenthood community! Honestly, this has been one of my favorite podcast conversations EVER. We discuss the impact of our home environment on our mood and well-being, and chat about simple solutions for HSP folks and families to manage clutter and create systems that support calm and joy in our homes (yes, even with little ones around)!
You can listen in to our conversation via The Highly Sensitive Parenthood Podcast, or watch us chat on YouTube by clicking the buttons below. And don’t forget to scroll down to learn more about Rebecca and her offerings as a decluttering and wellness consultant!
Meet Rebecca Jo-Rushdy!
Rebecca specializes in guiding empaths to declutter and create harmonious spaces that ignite joy and a sense of flow. Her expertise is informed by her own experiences as a highly sensitive person, and she is passionate about helping others turn their emotional challenges into opportunities for growth and vitality.
In addition to her consulting work, Rebecca conducts wellness workshops and delivers motivational speeches to diverse audiences, including corporate, government, and non-governmental organizations. Her message centers on the transformative power of decluttering, both in our personal lives and professional endeavors, to enhance focus, productivity, and overall well-being.
Where to find Rebecca & Spark Joy and Flow:
1. Website
2. Instagram
3. Facebook
Hey New Subscribers - if you're looking for a bit more support around being a Highly Sensitive Parent or raising an HSP child, I've got you! I've created several resources, including Courses and Coaching packages, to meet your needs.
**YouTube Subscribers can access a special discount of 20% off of any courses or coaching at https://www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com/hspparentresources by using the code YOUTUBE at checkout.**
Creating Systems that Nurture You & Your Family
with Laura Hernandez of MamaSystems.net
Do you struggle with creating routines and systems that feel sustainable and allow you some moments of relaxation and connection with your family? I've definitely gone through (long!) periods where I've felt so overwhelmed with household tasks and to-do's that I've missed out on rest time for myself, or neglected the relationships I most value.
I invited Laura Hernandez of MamaSystems.net to join me for a conversation about creating systems that nurture both you and your children. We get nitty gritty on topics including chores and meal planning, and Laura give specific tips about how we can begin inviting our children (young or older) to more fully participate in the household.
Listen in to our conversation via the podcast or YouTube by clicking the buttons below, and scroll down to learn more about Laura and her offerings!
Meet Laura Hernandez!
Laura is a wife and mama to 10 amazing people. She is the founder of Mama Systems, a coaching business that helps mamas bring peace to their homes through systems so they can be intentional with their people and show up as the best mama possible.
Where to find Laura & Mama Systems:
1. Self-Care Guide for Highly Sensitive Parenthood - to access Laura's Self-Care Guide - a gift just for the Highly Sensitive Parenthood community!
2. Website
3. Instagram
4. Facebook
Hey New Subscribers - if you're looking for a bit more support around being a Highly Sensitive Parent or raising an HSP child, I've got you! I've created several resources, including Courses and Coaching packages, to meet your needs.
**YouTube Subscribers can access a special discount of 20% off of any courses or coaching at https://www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com/hspparentresources by using the code YOUTUBE at checkout.**
Supporting HSP Teens and Tweens
with Nellie Harden of NellieHarden.com
Are you the parent of an HSP Teen or Tween? I myself have a 9 year old, so this is right around the corner for me!
While a lot of my blogs and podcasts have focused on being a sensitive parent, or parenting younger HSP kids, I didn't want to forget our older children. I invited Nellie Harden of NellieHarden.com to join me in conversation around how to raise empowered and healthy HSP children (while also caring for ourselves as parents & people)!
Listen in to our conversation via the podcast or YouTube by clicking the buttons below, and scroll down to learn more about Nellie and her offerings!
Meet Nellie Harden!
Nellie is a wife, mother of 4 teenage daughters and an author and speaker in the space of Family Life & Leadership. She focuses on helping parents love & lead their teen/tween daughters in a way that teaches them to love & lead themselves while building a strong foundation of worth, esteem & confidence all before they leave home!
Her background is in Biology and Psychology, from humpbacks to humans, and she has invested decades of her life into personal, family, faith and leadership development. Most of all, she believes the best way to change the world is through one living room at a time!
Here are a few ways to connect with Nellie:
1. Website
2. 5 Things Your Daughter Needs
5. Instagram
6. YouTube
Hey New Subscribers - if you're looking for a bit more support around being a Highly Sensitive Parent or raising an HSP child, I've got you! I've created several resources, including Courses and Coaching packages, to meet your needs.
**YouTube Subscribers can access a special discount of 20% off of any courses or coaching at https://www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com/hspparentresources by using the code YOUTUBE at checkout.**
Ebb and Flow for Highly Sensitive People
You may or may not know that, in addition to running Highly Sensitive Parenthood, I also work as a therapist. Several years ago, I completed an intensive training in nature-based therapy, a.k.a. Ecotherapy. One of the most profound aspects of Ecotherapy, for me, is the symbols and lessons that nature offers to us humans. I live in San Diego, and occasionally meet clients at the beach for therapy sessions. Sometimes, we simply enjoy watching the waves crest and recede, noticing how the shoreline shifts as the tides ebb and flow.
Our lives, and our energies, also follow this universal pattern of ebb and flow; intensity and calm both have their place in the cycle of life. This past year has been a more intense season for me as I have navigated launching Highly Sensitive Parenthood, creating two video courses, and crafting weekly blogs, videos, and podcasts for HSP parents and kids. All of this has been on top of maintaining my therapy practice, and of course, taking care of myself and my family!
It has been great fun, and I’ve also come to recognize that my energy is ebbing (for now) around creating regular content for Highly Sensitive Parenthood. I’ll certainly still be around here and there - and if you’re not already subscribed to my newsletter or following me on Instagram, I’ll be updating those periodically with new content and reflections. The weekly newsletters and blogs, however, will be put on pause for now, as I take a bit of time to relax, replenish, and “ebb” - just as I encourage all HSP parents to do when the time is right.
The great news is, my supportive resources for Highly Sensitive Parents and Children are not going anywhere! If you’re looking for more support for you as an HSP parent, or guidance around parenting your HSP child, I have you covered:
My Highly Sensitive Parenthood Toolkit is perfect for parents just starting to explore how being an HSP impacts their experience of parenthood.
My Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course offers a deeper dive into what it means to be an HSP parent and how you can celebrate the gifts of sensitivity while managing the challenges with grace and confidence.
My Blog Archive and Podcast continue to be free and available to you!
For parents of HSP kids, my “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Course offers information about the HSP trait, plus plenty of practical tools and resources for parents and kids.
Lastly, if you’re looking for more personalized support around being a Highly Sensitive Parent, my Nourish Coaching Package might be a good fit for you!
Thank you for continuing on this journey with me at Highly Sensitive Parenthood! I look forward to connecting with you in ways both new and old as we both ebb and flow through parenthood together.
Why are Birthday Parties so Hard for HSPs?
This week’s blog topic is a fun one! I’ve had several HSP clients express to me their frustration with children’s birthday parties, and have spent time reflecting on why birthday parties feel so challenging for both Highly Sensitive Parents and Highly Sensitive children.
So why DO children’s birthday parties tend to be so painful for HSPs?
For attendees (children or adults), there tends to be a relatively high level of chaos. Whether the party takes place at a playground, a home, or a party facility, it’s almost certainly going to be loud and boisterous. Overstimulation is pretty much a given. Additionally, you may not know many people there, so there’s an added element of the energy that it requires to make small talk with people for a couple of hours. Of course, there’s also the preparation - RSVPing, buying a gift, transportation - and the effort it takes to wind down after the sugar rush of birthday cake.
For HSP parents who are hosting a child’s birthday party, we can add a few more items to the list of potential stressors. Settling on a time and place, developing a guest list (and trying not to offend anyone), sending out invitations and collecting RSVPs, coordinating vendors, creating goody bags, corralling gifts and sending out thank you notes… the list goes on and on!
Let me pause here to acknowledge that, at least in many communities in the United States, there are pressures put on parents to “do” a birthday party in a certain way. We see picture-perfect parties on Instagram and Pinterest, and there is a continuous pressure placed on parents to give their children exceptional childhoods, including lavish parties. Let this blog be a reminder that we CAN opt out of most (or all!) of the above, and don’t need to break our budget or drive ourselves to a nervous breakdown just to provide our kids with a “perfect” birthday party.
So far, my kids have celebrated a cumulative total of 13 birthdays, so I have some experience in planning how to celebrate their birthdays each year. I’m sharing a few ideas below that may be supportive for HSP parents and HSP kids around birthday celebrations - feel free to take them as your own, and release yourself from the expectations that may not work well for you or your family!
If your child is invited to a birthday party that you know will likely be overwhelming (I’m looking at you, Chuck E Cheese and Go-Kart parties), know that you can opt out. If you are an HSP, perhaps a non-HSP partner or family member can take your child. If your child is an HSP and you know it may be overstimulating for them, you can either choose to opt out, or simply to attend for part of the party and leave a bit early.
If you are planning your own child’s party, consider what you can do to relieve some of the stress. For younger children, “themed” birthday parties with decorations, cakes, and goody bags are simply unnecessary - unless, of course, you are genuinely excited about making this happen! Shameless admission: I have only ONCE created goody bags for one of my kids’ birthday parties, and never plan to do it again. They require so much work, and most of the time, the items just get broken or tossed within a few days. Again, if you love making goody bags, more power to you, but if you don’t want to take the time or energy, give yourself permission to skip it.
Consider hosting the party on your patio or at a local playground, ordering a few pizzas, and just showing up. For lower-key birthday parties, sending out formal invitations and tracking RSVPs can be let go in lieu of just texting a few friends or family members with the time and place. This year, I’m planning on texting a few of my son’s friends to gather at a local park and bring soccer balls for a soccer party. I’ll probably grab a cake and some juice boxes from the grocery store, and call it good!
Consider skipping a Birthday Party and instead gifting your child with a special experience. Last year, my family went to Legoland for a couple of days (we already had passes, so this was not an extra expense), and stayed overnight at the adjoining hotel for my son’s birthday. It was super memorable and fun for all of us, and honestly cost about the same as hosting a birthday party for a group of friends (but with a lot less stress!) Of course, you can save even more money and stress by simply visiting a state park or beach, going camping, or just gathering a few friends at the neighborhood pool or park. For many years when my kids were little, we just had some friends over on our patio for an afternoon - that’s it!
I hope you feel empowered to release some of the intense expectations around attending or planning kids’ birthday parties as an HSP! I’d love to hear some of your thoughts or experiences in the comments below so that we can learn from each other about what does (and doesn’t) work!
If you haven’t yet, I invite you to sign up for my email newsletter so that you don’t miss any announcements about new blogs or offerings from Highly Sensitive Parenthood. As a bonus, you’ll receive a free printable PDF with "5 Tips to Manage Overstimulation for HSP Parents!”
3 Signs of Sensory Overwhelm and Overstimulation in Highly Sensitive Adults
Overwhelm. Overstimulation. Sensitivity.
These words capture the more challenging side of the HSP trait for many adults. Of course, the HSP trait also offers many benefits and gifts to those who experience it - and if you’re looking to find new ways to celebrate your Sensitivity, check out my blog post on “The Gifts of Sensitivity and Being an HSP.” Once you feel empowered within your sensitivity, it can be helpful to recognize some of the challenges that might come up for you. For many HSPs, Sensory Overwhelm or Overstimulation is a major challenge. Don’t fear, however - once we are able to recognize signs that we are becoming overstimulated, we can start to take steps toward coping with Overstimulation (side note: I have two entire modules dedicated to this process in the Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course!)
So what does Overstimulation look like for HSP adults? My guess is you have some idea of what causes overstimulation for you. If not, here’s a hint: think about your five senses - you likely find at least one of them that’s particularly sensitive. For example some HSPs are bothered by bright lights, loud or repetitive noises, rough/sticky textures, etc. But how does overstimulation show up in our minds and bodies? While our experiences as HSPs are distinct, here are three common signs of Sensory Overwhelm and Overstimulation:
Physical sensations - These physical “warning signs” of overstimulation may be the most recognizable to you. One important thing to remember here is that when we are overstimulated, our nervous systems tend to go into “Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn” (more on that another time), so our bodies respond as if we are under physical threat, even if the “threat” is something relatively innocuous such as loud music or a child tugging at our shirt repeatedly. That said, our bodies react no differently than if we were being charged at by a lion, or experiencing a physical threat to our safety. When you’re overstimulated, you might notice physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, sweating, tightness in chest, jitters, muscle tension, and more. These sensations make it difficult to do the tasks we need to do as parents. Although many of us try to “push through” these sensations, ideally, we should do what we can to safely reduce the source(s) of your overstimulation and take steps to calm the body down.
Foggy or Irrational Thinking - When we are stressed or overstimulated, we might notice that we have less mental clarity. This can show up in many different ways, including difficulty making decisions, irrational thoughts and emotions, and/or a general sense of “brain fog,” especially when we are chronically overstimulated and our nervous system gets stuck in high gear. When this happens, our higher level thinking is compromised as our body and brain are simply focused on physical safety.
Irritability or withdrawal - This can intensify if we get “stuck” in overwhelm and overstimulation. You may find yourself responding to situations or loved ones with frustration, irritability, or even rage! Many HSPs are empathetic and gentle, and so irritability and anger can feel surprising to them. When you notice that you are angry, irritable, or becoming withdrawn, it’s likely due (at least in part) to overstimulation. Similarly, many HSPs have a sense of wanting to “escape” - the “flight” response - which can manifest as jittery energy, a desire to just get in the car and drive away, or hiding in a quiet room away from the source(s) of overstimulation.
By understanding the sources of overstimulation, and learning to recognize our own personal “warning signs” of overstimulation, we can take steps to reduce its impact in our lives and families. If you haven’t yet, you can receive a free printable PDF titled “5 Tips to Manage Overstimulation for HSP Parents” by signing up for our newsletter - where you’ll get more inspiration and wisdom for HSP parents and kids!
Is My Child Highly Sensitive?
Have you ever wondered if your child is Highly Sensitive?
While all children have preferences, emotions, and moments of sensitivity, around 15-20% of children exhibit the trait of High Sensitivity. The HSP trait is equally represented across genders and cultures, and is simply a trait (like height or introversion), not a flaw or a diagnosis. Gaining a deeper understanding of the trait of High Sensitivity will help empower you to better appreciate and support your unique child.
The pioneering researcher behind this trait, Elaine Aron, Ph.D., has created an acronym that helps us recognize Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), including Highly Sensitive Children (HSCs). I’ve adapted the DOES acronym with descriptions of how it may show up for HSCs:
Not all HSC’s exhibit each of the above tendencies, but you’ll likely recognize some of them in your child if they are indeed Highly Sensitive. Elaine Aron, Ph.D. has created an HSP Assessment for Children which can offer more clarity on whether or not your child could be Highly Sensitive.
If you feel that your child is Highly Sensitive - celebrate! HSPs have so much to offer the world. They tend to be thoughtful, curious, and loving towards others. You might also notice, however, that being Highly Sensitive comes with its challenges. Perhaps your child is bullied at school for crying easily, or you notice that your infant or toddler becomes distressed when in new situations or environments. Older children may feel “the weight of the world” on their shoulders and have difficulty managing the depth of their emotions and empathy.
Whatever your child’s unique gifts and challenges, I have a wonderful resource to offer you. Based on my professional and personal experience with Highly Sensitive Children (HSC’s), I’ve developed an online, video-based course called “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” that helps parents and caregivers to better understand, support, and advocate for their Sensitive Kids. It’s a comprehensive resource with information, printable resources, and simple but powerful tools to not only support your child, but to teach them to be an empowered Highly Sensitive Person.
You can find more about the “Supporting Your Highly Sensitive Child” Course by clicking the button below.
The Benefits of Crying for Sensitive Parents
When you cry, how do you feel about the fact that you are crying? You might feel relieved, upset, embarrassed, angry, or any number of other emotions! HSPs tend to be more emotionally attuned to ourselves and others, as well as more easily overwhelmed, both of which may be related to increased tearfulness. Likewise, parenthood can be intense, exhausting, and overwhelming, which can also lead to the need for a good cry. While frequent episodes of crying can be a sign of depression or overwhelm, it can also be a healthy emotional release for Highly Sensitive Parents. In fact, crying has several benefits that you may not be aware of!
If you are feeling overwhelmed, upset, or stressed, crying can provide a healthy release of those emotions. Too often, our mind and body are out of alignment. But if we are okay with laughing and smiling when we are happy, maybe we can also give ourselves permission to cry when we are upset. Sometimes, simply letting ourselves cry can be just the emotional release that we need.
Crying actually releases natural painkillers (endorphins) as well as oxytocin (aka the “cuddle hormone”), see this Harvard study for more information. As we cry, our body is literally taking steps to heal itself emotionally - pretty cool! On the flip side, repressing emotions and tears is correlated with negative health outcomes, including hypertension, cardiovascular disease, and a weakened immune system (again, citing “Is Crying Good For You” from Harvard’s Blog).
Crying signals to others that you need support. As parents, much of our energy is devoted to keeping our children safe, happy, and developing. Sometimes, we need others - our partner, a friend, a family member - to attend to us and give us emotional (or even practical) support. Crying sends up a little signal flare to those around us to stop what they are doing, listen to us, and respond to our needs.
I hope you feel more open to crying as an emotional release. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can even see crying as self-care - hop in the shower, take a few deep breaths, and let the tears roll. Make sure you seek social or professional support if releasing your emotions through crying leads to more intense emotions, feel overwhelmingly sad or upset, or if you are crying frequently. The above can be signs of depression, loneliness, or overwhelm, and can indicate that you’d benefit from reaching out to a therapist. If you’re in California, I may be able to support you - visit my therapy website Inner Nature Therapy for more information. If you live elsewhere, Dr. Elaine Aron’s website lists a directory of HSP-Knowledgeable therapists so that you can find one in your area.
If you don’t need mental health support, but think you could benefit from some customized support to celebrate your sensitivity and manage the day-to-day challenges of being a Highly Sensitive (HSP) or deeply feeling parent, check out the many resources - including Coaching and Courses - that I’ve created just for parents like you.
Thoughts or questions? I’d love to hear them - just drop them in the comments box below.
Support Resources for HSP, Overwhelmed, and Deeply Feeling Parents
This week’s blog is a little different - instead of sharing my reflections on a topic, I’m simply sharing some of my favorite resources for HSP, Overwhelmed and Deeply Feeling Parents. I’m organizing them by type, and many of them include links so that you can explore the resource further. I sincerely hope that you find these supportive!
Podcasts
Highly Sensitive Parenthood Podcast - This is my podcast, and features ideas, content, and discussions just for Highly Sensitive Parents!
Holding Space Podcast - Hosted by a licensed therapist, this podcast dives deep into topics related to parenthood, and has a handful of episodes that include discussions around High Sensitivity!
Happy as a Mother Podcast - Also hosted by a licensed therapist, this podcast focuses specifically on motherhood and includes practical tips as well as interviews with other professionals.
Professional Support
Therapy - If you’re struggling with your mental health, or are just not feeling like yourself, therapy can help! Make sure to seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about High Sensitivity and parenthood. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results. If you’re in California, I would love to support you in my role as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy.
Postpartum Support International also offers many resources for parents - free support groups, peer-to-peer support, referrals to trained professionals, etc. - even for those parents outside of the immediate postpartum period.
Nourish Coaching Package for HSP Parents - If you’re looking for personal support to reduce stress and overwhelm, and to boost confidence and enjoyment of day-to-day parenthood as an HSP parent, consider working with me using my Nourish Coaching Package (LINK) or contact me (LINK) to create a customized coaching package to meet your needs.
Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course - My HSP Parent Course provides an expert-led deep dive into the many ways that Highly Sensitive people experience parenthood, in a self-paced online format. Including guided meditations, in-depth videos on how the HSP trait impacts parents, and simple yet powerful practices, this course will empower you to be a calm and joyful parent.
Websites
Highly Sensitive Parenthood - My website just for HSP and Empath parents; features a large archive of blog posts related to being Highly Sensitive as a parent, as well as Courses and other resources for HSP parents
Highly Sensitive Refuge - Features hundreds of helpful articles written by many HSPs and professionals on a variety of topics
HSPJourney- Features a variety of articles on the topic of High Sensitivity
I’m just scratching the surface with resources here - if you’re looking for a more extensive list of resources for Highly Sensitive Parents, you can find it in my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Toolkit. And of course, if you have any resources to add, drop them in the comments section below - I’d love to hear from you!
3 Ways to Cope with Depression as a Highly Sensitive Parent
Last week, I shared a bit about how Depression can feel for HSP Parents and where to find support. The bottom line is, please do not suffer alone! Having social and professional support is critical in finding healing from depression. If you are feeling down, off, or “not yourself,” please consider the three coping skills below to cope with depression:
1. Therapy
Having professional support is often necessary for those experiencing depression. Here are some ways that therapy can support you as an HSP parent:
Gives you a safe space to explore thoughts and feelings
Helps you engage in self-compassion
Teaches mindfulness skills
Supports you toward making positive changes in your life
Can help you explore other treatment options such as talking to a physician or psychiatrist about antidepressant medication
In my other career as a therapist, a wise supervisor once told me “Anxiety and Depression are just two sides of the same coin.” While it’s certainly possible for people - including HSPs - to experience depression on its own, I have seen many HSP parents come to a place of depression after being highly anxious or overwhelmed for a period of time. In this case, it can be important to address both anxiety and depression in your work with a therapist.
2. Peer/Social Support
Engaging in social interactions when feeling depressed is also very powerful. While depression often causes people to isolate, it is important to push past this tendency and seek peer support, whether informally with friends or within a therapy or peer support group. Gathering with others reduces your sense of isolation and increases meaningful connection, making you feel less alone in your difficult experiences. Here are some ideas for accessing social support:
Connect with a trusted friend or family member
Find a moms or parents group in your community - these can be through therapy practices, Meetup.com, yoga studios, libraries, children’s museums, or at churches or community centers.
Informally, you might connect with peers with similar interests through a non-parent-related group (see below for ideas)
3. Explore Identity and Activities outside of parenthood
Often, a factor in parents’ depression is a loss of identity outside of parenthood. Even when parenthood is cherished and important to a parent, they can find themselves realizing “My life is so different now! Who am I outside of being a parent?” Returning to favorite activities or previous roles - or even discovering new ones - can be helpful to help parents find a new sense of purpose and excitement in their lives. This could look like:
Taking one day a month away from home to spend with friends, go on a day retreat, or walk somewhere beautiful
Set aside time to engage in a hobby or sport: tennis, rock climbing, painting, playing music, etc
If staying at home, consider returning to work part time or more if desired
It’s important to seek professional help to manage your depression. If you feel that you might be depressed, or even if you just feel “off” or “not yourself,” please seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about High Sensitivity and Depression. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results. If you’re in California, I would love to support you in my role as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy. Postpartum Support International also offers many resources for parents - even those outside of the postpartum period. Some people also benefit from medication to reduce symptoms of depression; if you feel that this might be the case for you, reach out to your primary care doctor or to a psychiatrist to discuss your options. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis and live in the United States, you can call 988 for support and resources.
Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results. Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
3 Ways to Cope as an Anxious Highly Sensitive Parent
In last week’s blog, I gave an introduction to how being an HSP can impact your experience of anxiety. This week, I’ll be sharing a few basic ways to cope with anxiety as an HSP parent.
1. Learn some Relaxation and Mindfulness Skills
This sounds simple, but learning ways to calm yourself when feeling anxious or overstimulated is a very powerful tool! In fact, a 2015 study by Pluess & Boniwell found that High Sensitivity “only related to anxiety when mindfulness and acceptance were low, but the relationships were not significant when mindfulness and acceptance were high.” In short, the following factors reduce HSP’s experience of anxiety to the level of non-HSPs:
Practicing mindfulness skills such as deep breathing and meditation
Gaining awareness of your physical body and noticing those warning signs of overstimulation
Learning specific ways to calm your body (ex. Yoga, going outdoors, listening to music, etc)
Intentional emotional and physical boundary setting - for parents, this can look like taking time alone when “over-touched” or asking to be touched in a less intense way
2. Reduce exposure to situations and environments that lead to overstimulation
You may already know that certain environments create greater stress for you. For me (and many HSP parents), these environments can include:
Childrens’ birthday parties
Amusement parks or Zoos
Rooms cluttered with toys or kid gear
Multitasking, for example trying to cook dinner while the TV is on and your child is talking to you
Once you know that these environments are overstimulating to you, you might choose to make some changes. For example, you might only visit the zoo early in the morning, when it is less likely to be crowded. Or, if the dinnertime scenario resonates, perhaps turn the TV off and provide a toy or activity to occupy your child so that you can focus solely on cooking.
3. Challenge negative or unrealistic ways of thinking
One of the proven types of therapy for anxiety is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps people to understand how their emotions and behaviors are impacted by negative thoughts, and helps to tweak those negative thoughts to be more positive and/or realistic. If you find that your anxiety includes nervous or upsetting thoughts, CBT can help you recognize negative thought patterns and correct them. For example, if you are nervous about your child starting at a new school, you might be having thoughts such as “they won’t make any friends” and “they will cry all day.” These thoughts can feel very real and very upsetting, but if you look at them logically, they are also not very realistic. Even changing your thoughts to be more moderate can be really helpful to reduce anxiety. For example, “They might cry for a while after I drop them off, and that makes me upset, but I know they will also smile and have a good time at other points in the day,” feels a LOT better than “they will cry all day.” While there are some great CBT workbooks out there, it can often be difficult for people to even recognize when their thoughts are unrealistic or distorted, which is where a therapist can help!
It can often be supportive - even necessary - to seek professional help to manage your anxiety. If you feel that this might be the case, please seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about High Sensitivity. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results. If you’re in California, I would love to support you in my role as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy.
Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results. Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
How to recover from a bad start to the day as an HSP parent
Let me paint you a picture of a recent day in my household. It was my kids’ first week back to school, and my two boys were fresh off their summer “routine” of playing and reading in the morning until it was time to leave for preschool and summer camps - usually around 9 am. Suddenly, we had to be at school at 7:30 am, dressed, breakfasted, and with lunches and backpacks prepped. Yes, I did follow *some* of my own advice in my “Back to School Seasons for Sensitive Parents” blog post, but we were all still having trouble adjusting to an earlier wake-up time, and the fast-paced mornings required during the school year.
The day did not start well. I woke up feeling tired and stressed about the day ahead, and my kids had forgotten about their morning responsibilities (at ages 8 and 5, they are finally capable of dressing themselves and fixing themselves cereal). There were also, understandably, some complicated feelings around being back at school again. I made multiple requests for them to eat their breakfast, put on socks and shoes, etc. We were all becoming grumpier by the minute. By the time we headed out the door to school, it was clear that we all needed a reset from the rocky start to our day.
So: how did we recover?
First off, we got outside. Thankfully, my kids’ elementary school is about a 7 minute walk away. Even at a brisk pace, we were able to stop and notice the beautiful clouds, the spider in her newly spun web, and the warmth of the sun already shining on our skin. This moment of mindfulness in nature did wonders for our mindset and mood.
Secondly, we talked about our tough morning a little bit. My older son uses the phrase “I’m going to try to turn my day around.” I absolutely love this phrase, because it acknowledges both that the day has not been going well, and that we are capable of changing the trajectory of our day/mood. We noticed what had not worked well and identified how to make the next morning smoother - “tomorrow, I’m going to make sure I get dressed and brush my teeth before coming downstairs and playing.”
Lastly, we forgave each other –and I forgave myself – for being grumpy. We acknowledged that it is a tough transition from our looser summer routine to our more rigid fall schedule. We laughed at ourselves a little bit.
With younger kids, “turning your day around” might look a bit different. That said, the trifecta of getting some fresh air, acknowledging the challenges/stressors, and engaging in self-compassion and forgiveness works for HSP parents across the board.
Have you had a tough start to your day recently? What worked for you to “turn your day around?” I’d love to hear your thoughts & ideas in the comments below! If this blog was helpful to you, consider subscribing to our weekly newsletter, so you don’t miss out on future blog posts to support you as an HSP Parent!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
Balancing Awareness, Activism, and News Overwhelm
Consider the last time that you felt refreshed and optimistic after reading the news. My guess is that many of you cannot remember ever feeling this way after scrolling through a news site. I fully acknowledge that there are many challenges and tragedies that are ongoing in the world, and that being aware of them can help spur us towards positive changes. At the same time, it’s fair to say that most news media are skewed significantly toward the negative, the sensationalized, and the tragic. There are so many beautiful moments, and myriad stories to celebrate, which are not represented in the news media, and which are also part of the reality of our world.
Highly Sensitive People tend to process deeply, and feel the emotions of others acutely, which is a ripe combination for both ruminating on negative news stories and also feeling depressed or anxious after reading an upsetting news story. I believe that, for many HSPs, reading most news media sends our nervous systems into a fight/flight/freeze that can have a significant impact on our mood, energy levels, and parenting. I have personally experienced feeling deeply upset, anxious, or even emotionally flattened by reading upsetting news. When this happens, it tends to lead to emotionally checking out from my role as a parent, and to lower patience for the challenging moments of parenthood. This is not ideal for my kids, and it’s certainly not ideal for me!
You might think I would advocate for HSP moms, dads, and caregivers to completely avoid news media, however, many of us deeply value being conscious citizens and advocates for peace and justice in the world, which necessitates some level of engagement with current events. Therefore, for many HSP parents, a balanced and boundaried approach to news consumption is ideal. Here’s what that can looks like:
Intentionally follow “good news” sites such as Upworthy, The Optimist Daily, or Good News Network. Think of this as balancing out the (mostly) negative news highlighted by major media outlets.
Limit daily exposure to news sites. If you have a news app or widget on your phone, or any avenue through which news can “pop up” without you seeking it out, consider deleting it. You might also set time parameters - such as reading the news for 10 minutes - so you don’t accidentally find yourself “doomscrolling.”
Thoughtfully engage with news that matters to you. Instead of reading 15 different headlines, consider subscribing to a newsletter or podcast that features news on a topic you care about, such as Animal Rights, Education, or Racial Equity.
Identify specific ways that you can respond to news issues that you care about. For example, if you are concerned about educational disparities, you might join an organization that donates books or resources to underprivileged areas. If you care about Climate Change, you might write letters to your government representatives on the topic. This allows you to remain aware of issues that matter to you, and to advocate for changes in those areas.
In 2022, the News Media is part of our lives whether we like it or not. Let’s not forget that we have a choice in how we consume it, though. If you have noticed yourself “doomscrolling” and then feeling anxious or down afterwards, it may be time to make a change.
Choose one (or several) of the above tips, try it for a week or so, and notice what difference it makes in your mood and well-being. Do you have more time for self-care or to engage meaningfully with your child(ren)? I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas - comment below!
P.S. If you’re interested in more resources for Highly Sensitive Parents, check out our Resources page at https://www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com/hspparentresources.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
Top 3 Challenges for Highly Sensitive Parents (and how to manage them)
Earlier this week, I was chatting with some Highly Sensitive parents at our virtual Coffee Chat, and I asked the question “What are your top challenges as HSP parents?” While there are *MANY* strengths that HSP parents bring to the table (I’ll tackle these in a future blog, I promise), there are also many challenges that are common for sensitive and empath parents. Here are the top 3 that our group identified:
1) Always being “on”
I often describe parenthood as “relentless.” Although we do sleep and (hopefully) take time away from our children to just be ourselves, our identity and role as parents never fully leaves us once we welcome our child into the world. I’m guessing that all of us have had the experience of having a stressful day, feeling exhausted, and still somehow needing to scrape up the energy to get dinner on the table, bathe our child(ren), do the bedtime routine, etc. This is particularly challenging for HSP parents, who tend to be more easily drained by daily life, sensory overload, and the multiple demands on our attention.
2) Managing my emotions when my child is upset
This one is so hard. To be honest, I am very much a work in progress when it comes to this challenge! When our kid is upset, we have the double whammy of auditory overstimulation (from our child crying, yelling, etc.) and being intensely attuned to their emotions (which may be very intense - anger, sadness, upset, etc.) As HSP parents, we need to simultaneously tend to our own emotions and help our children work through their feelings. There is no one right way to do this! Depending on the situation, it can look like:
Holding your child when they cry - the cuddles can help regulate their emotions as well as yours!
Asking your child to spend time in a quiet place where they can calm down, while you retreat to a separate room in order to manage your own emotional response
Holding hands with them, looking into their eyes, and taking deep breaths together
Verbally acknowledging their emotion, for example “It seems like you feel upset that we had to leave the playground. That’s disappointing, isn’t it! I’m looking forward to going with you again tomorrow.” Then having a similar empathetic response to your own emotions, for example “It’s hard to parent when my kid is upset, since my own body and mind feel their emotions so intensely. I’m doing the best I can to manage.”
3) My partner/loved ones not understanding or supporting my sensitivity
HSPs can seem mysterious to our partners and loved ones - the depth of our awareness and emotions can be received with confusion or, unfortunately, judgment. When those in our life say things like “you’re too sensitive” or “you’re too soft with our child,” it can feel like a denial or judgment of who we are on a very deep level. Educating your loved ones on the HSP trait is a great start. You can send them the link to my blog post with basic information on High Sensitivity https://www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com/blog/what-is-an-hsp-and-how-do-i-know-if-i-am-highly-sensitive) or, if you’re looking for more in-depth support, my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course https://highlysensitiveparenthood.mykajabi.com/hsp-parenthood-course ) has an entire 15-minute video module on “Helping Partners & Support People Understand your HSP trait,” plus a bonus “How to support your HSP Loved One” handout to help loved ones and partners understand your HSP trait and how it impacts your experience as a parent and person.
Do you resonate with these common challenges for HSP parents? Feel free to comment below with your challenges as an HSP parent, and/or ways that you manage them!
P.S. I’d love to have you join us for future Coffee Chats! I’m planning to host them every 2-3 months on Zoom, and they are free and open to all HSP parents! To make sure you know when the next one is happening, subscribe to our weekly newsletter , or follow us on Instagram.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
Panic attacks and High Sensitivity: My Story
Shortness of breath.
Heart palpitations.
Numbness in fingers.
Difficulty speaking.
Stomach & Chest pain.
Nausea.
Dizziness.
Sounds like a heart attack or a stroke, right? While it’s always a good idea to get checked out by a doctor if you are experiencing any of these symptoms, they also can be symptoms of an intense but ultimately physically harmless panic attack.
A major turning point in my journey as a Highly Sensitive (HSP) parent was when I had my first panic attack. I had definitely experienced episodes of intense anxiety before, but never anything so debilitating as what occurred a few weeks after the birth of my second child. My husband had gone out for a much-deserved outing with some friends, and I was on my own for the evening for the first time with my 3 year old and 5 week old sons. It started when I was sitting on the floor trying to nurse my crying baby, while my 3 year old was crawling on my back and talking to me incessantly (I love him, but he was a major chatterbox at that age)! In retrospect, it was incredibly physically overstimulating - too much noise, too many physical touches, too many demands on my body and attention.
I started feeling some pain in my solar plexus (where my ribs meet) and some shortness of breath. After a few minutes, this progressed into all of the symptoms listed above, to the point where my vision was blacking out, I couldn’t stand up, and could only say “it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay” over and over again. I thankfully had the wherewithal to call my sister, who then called my husband to come home. The experience was so intense and scary that I went to the ER, where they ran several tests and couldn’t find any physiological issues. My background in mental health ultimately led me to understand that I had experienced a very intense panic attack, and my journey from there led me to find a therapist specializing in postpartum anxiety and beginning to take anti-anxiety medication.
I experienced several more minor panic attacks in the months afterwards, and still experience mini versions of them from time to time. Understanding this experience through the lens of High Sensitivity and Overstimulation has empowered me to make impactful changes. Taking breaks, reducing sensory input (noises, touch, etc), and listening to my body when it is saying “too much” have all helped me to reduce overstimulation and subsequent anxiety and panic.
If you, too, have experienced intense anxiety and panic, please know that you are not alone. I encourage you to find a therapist who can support you.
If you don’t need mental health support or are already working with a therapist, but want to explore your experiences as a Highly Sensitive or Empath parent in more depth, please check out the Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course that I’ve created just for parents like you. It’s designed to teach you about the HSP trait, help you reflect on your experience, and empower you to see the gifts of your sensitivity while compassionately tending to the challenges of being an HSP parent. With two whole modules on the topic of overstimulation, and 15 different meditation & relaxation practices, you’ll learn many tools to manage overwhelm, reduce feelings of anxiety and panic, and just be a calmer, happier person and parent!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator
Rage and the HSP Parent
I am not a runner, but a couple of weeks ago I ran three times in one week - about 2.5 miles each time. Why, do you ask? To blow off my rage!
I am NOT an “angry person.” But since becoming a parent, I have begun to experience moments of anger that feel super intense, and which subsequently can produce feelings of guilt if I don’t take care of myself in the moment, and blow up at my kids or partner. In my work as a therapist with other Highly Sensitive (HSP) parents, I’ve noticed that many other HSP parents experienced this shift towards feeling “mom/dad rage” after becoming parents, and are baffled and ashamed by suddenly becoming “an angry person.”
Here’s my take on what is happening: HSP parents are easily overstimulated, and children can be very overstimulating! Don’t forget that parenthood shifts other responsibilities as well - more laundry, more cooking, less sleep, less time to relax and have fun, etc. Many of us Sensitive or Empath parents are consistently under-supported and overwhelmed, and this combination will make even the kindest, most peaceful person feel upset, trapped, and ultimately angry. Let’s ask ourselves: “Is it rage/anger, or is it overstimulation?”
So, back to my week of running. If I remember correctly, I was in the midst of a very busy workweek, managing concerns about COVID and other world news concerns, and the morning routine to get my two children off to school had been particularly difficult for a week or so. So, by the time I finished work for the day, I had some major pent up anxiety and overstimulation, which if I was not careful would come out as irritability or rage towards my family. While I definitely was irritable at times, choosing to go on a run and “blow off steam” was a great choice; I returned from each of these runs feeling more grounded and calm.
Maybe this pattern of overstimulation -> irritability -> rage also resonates with you. Remember back to the last time you felt irritable or angry while at home. What was it that you needed? I would imagine that the answer is often something like “peace and quiet” or “a break.” These answers point towards a root cause of overstimulation and overwhelm - but they also point us to solutions for your rage. Maybe, like me, you needed a break in the form of some intense physical activity. Or perhaps you needed a nap, a long shower, or to connect with a friend.
Next time you feel rage or irritability rising, take a pause and notice what it is you are needing. Then, without guilt or shame, do your best to give yourself that thing (a break, exercise, social connection, sleep, a snack), etc. as soon as you can. Your irritability and rage may just be a nudge to take care of yourself.
I would love to hear from you about your experiences with irritability and rage as an HSP parent - drop them in the comments section below! And if you’re looking for more resources on how to manage overstimulation, check out our Highly Sensitive Parenthood Toolkit and Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator