Highly Sensitive Parenthood Blog
The Benefits of Crying for Sensitive Parents
When you cry, how do you feel about the fact that you are crying? You might feel relieved, upset, embarrassed, angry, or any number of other emotions! HSPs tend to be more emotionally attuned to ourselves and others, as well as more easily overwhelmed, both of which may be related to increased tearfulness. Likewise, parenthood can be intense, exhausting, and overwhelming, which can also lead to the need for a good cry. While frequent episodes of crying can be a sign of depression or overwhelm, it can also be a healthy emotional release for Highly Sensitive Parents. In fact, crying has several benefits that you may not be aware of!
If you are feeling overwhelmed, upset, or stressed, crying can provide a healthy release of those emotions. Too often, our mind and body are out of alignment. But if we are okay with laughing and smiling when we are happy, maybe we can also give ourselves permission to cry when we are upset. Sometimes, simply letting ourselves cry can be just the emotional release that we need.
Crying actually releases natural painkillers (endorphins) as well as oxytocin (aka the “cuddle hormone”), see this Harvard study for more information. As we cry, our body is literally taking steps to heal itself emotionally - pretty cool! On the flip side, repressing emotions and tears is correlated with negative health outcomes, including hypertension, cardiovascular disease, and a weakened immune system (again, citing “Is Crying Good For You” from Harvard’s Blog).
Crying signals to others that you need support. As parents, much of our energy is devoted to keeping our children safe, happy, and developing. Sometimes, we need others - our partner, a friend, a family member - to attend to us and give us emotional (or even practical) support. Crying sends up a little signal flare to those around us to stop what they are doing, listen to us, and respond to our needs.
I hope you feel more open to crying as an emotional release. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can even see crying as self-care - hop in the shower, take a few deep breaths, and let the tears roll. Make sure you seek social or professional support if releasing your emotions through crying leads to more intense emotions, feel overwhelmingly sad or upset, or if you are crying frequently. The above can be signs of depression, loneliness, or overwhelm, and can indicate that you’d benefit from reaching out to a therapist. If you’re in California, I may be able to support you - visit my therapy website Inner Nature Therapy for more information. If you live elsewhere, Dr. Elaine Aron’s website lists a directory of HSP-Knowledgeable therapists so that you can find one in your area.
If you don’t need mental health support, but think you could benefit from some customized support to celebrate your sensitivity and manage the day-to-day challenges of being a Highly Sensitive (HSP) or deeply feeling parent, check out the many resources - including Coaching and Courses - that I’ve created just for parents like you.
Thoughts or questions? I’d love to hear them - just drop them in the comments box below.
Support Resources for HSP, Overwhelmed, and Deeply Feeling Parents
This week’s blog is a little different - instead of sharing my reflections on a topic, I’m simply sharing some of my favorite resources for HSP, Overwhelmed and Deeply Feeling Parents. I’m organizing them by type, and many of them include links so that you can explore the resource further. I sincerely hope that you find these supportive!
Podcasts
Highly Sensitive Parenthood Podcast - This is my podcast, and features ideas, content, and discussions just for Highly Sensitive Parents!
Holding Space Podcast - Hosted by a licensed therapist, this podcast dives deep into topics related to parenthood, and has a handful of episodes that include discussions around High Sensitivity!
Happy as a Mother Podcast - Also hosted by a licensed therapist, this podcast focuses specifically on motherhood and includes practical tips as well as interviews with other professionals.
Professional Support
Therapy - If you’re struggling with your mental health, or are just not feeling like yourself, therapy can help! Make sure to seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about High Sensitivity and parenthood. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results. If you’re in California, I would love to support you in my role as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy.
Postpartum Support International also offers many resources for parents - free support groups, peer-to-peer support, referrals to trained professionals, etc. - even for those parents outside of the immediate postpartum period.
Nourish Coaching Package for HSP Parents - If you’re looking for personal support to reduce stress and overwhelm, and to boost confidence and enjoyment of day-to-day parenthood as an HSP parent, consider working with me using my Nourish Coaching Package (LINK) or contact me (LINK) to create a customized coaching package to meet your needs.
Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course - My HSP Parent Course provides an expert-led deep dive into the many ways that Highly Sensitive people experience parenthood, in a self-paced online format. Including guided meditations, in-depth videos on how the HSP trait impacts parents, and simple yet powerful practices, this course will empower you to be a calm and joyful parent.
Websites
Highly Sensitive Parenthood - My website just for HSP and Empath parents; features a large archive of blog posts related to being Highly Sensitive as a parent, as well as Courses and other resources for HSP parents
Highly Sensitive Refuge - Features hundreds of helpful articles written by many HSPs and professionals on a variety of topics
HSPJourney- Features a variety of articles on the topic of High Sensitivity
I’m just scratching the surface with resources here - if you’re looking for a more extensive list of resources for Highly Sensitive Parents, you can find it in my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Toolkit. And of course, if you have any resources to add, drop them in the comments section below - I’d love to hear from you!
Highly Sensitive Parents and ADHD
As a therapist and coach for HSP parents, I often get the question “does HSP overlap with ADHD?” The short answer is yes, HSP does overlap with ADHD, but there are also some people who have ADHD but are not HSP, and vice versa. The main area of overlap between ADHD and HSP is in the area of sensory sensitivity. Ned Hallowell, M.D., author of Driven to Distraction, states that “[People with ADHD] often are hypersensitive in one of the sensory domains: sound, touch, or smell.” Many HSPs also experience this physical sensitivity. Both Highly Sensitive Parents and parents with ADHD tend to benefit from taking steps to reduce overstimulation, such as wearing earplugs, avoiding overstimulating environments, and avoiding multitasking.
While ADHD and the HSP trait have some overlap (and an individual can have both the HSP trait and ADHD) there are also some major differences between the two.
ADHD is a clinical diagnosis - that is, something that a physician or mental health provider can diagnose. Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), the technical term for the HSP trait, is not a diagnosis, but rather a term to describe a cluster of traits. This doesn’t make one more legitimate or serious than the other, but may impact how they are perceived by medical providers or the general population.
Per Elaine Aron, Ph.D., the researcher who recognized the HSP trait, “HSPs process things, especially social information, more carefully and accurately at a deep level (not just thinking about the task more, but when asked to do it quickly, doing it better automatically). This contrasts with those having schizophrenia, ADHD, or autism, who in other studies were found to have slower reaction times on these tasks.” (this assertion is based on research in Hoffman et. al.’s 2022 study “Sensory processing sensitivity predicts performance in an emotional antisaccade paradigm.” )
While those with ADHD typically have difficulty concentrating and maintaining focus, HSPs tend to be pretty conscientious and focused. However, when faced with a chaotic or overstimulating environment, both HSPs and those with ADHD can face overwhelm and loss of focus. This can create challenges for parents, as parenthood is rife with overstimulating situations (more on that in this blog post)
I want to clarify that the above are not to say that HSPs or those with ADHD are better or worse than one another, or than those without ADHD or HS! In fact, I believe that both HSPs and those with ADHD have many unique and powerful gifts to offer the world - and themselves - as a result of their neurodiversity. For example, many people I know with ADHD have powerfully curious minds and wonderfully complex ways of thinking. Likewise, those with High Sensitivity can understand a variety of perspectives and deeply analyze situations. It’s clear to see that both offer unique and important gifts to their families, workplaces, and communities.
If you’re looking for further resources about High Sensitivity and ADHD, the following articles may be helpful to you:
https://hsperson.com/faq/hs-or-adhd/
https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/how-being-an-hsp-and-having-adhd-collide/
If you are looking for mental health support for diagnosed or suspected ADHD, or to manage HSP traits, please seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about both High Sensitivity and ADHD. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results.
Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results. Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.
3 Ways to Cope with Depression as a Highly Sensitive Parent
Last week, I shared a bit about how Depression can feel for HSP Parents and where to find support. The bottom line is, please do not suffer alone! Having social and professional support is critical in finding healing from depression. If you are feeling down, off, or “not yourself,” please consider the three coping skills below to cope with depression:
1. Therapy
Having professional support is often necessary for those experiencing depression. Here are some ways that therapy can support you as an HSP parent:
Gives you a safe space to explore thoughts and feelings
Helps you engage in self-compassion
Teaches mindfulness skills
Supports you toward making positive changes in your life
Can help you explore other treatment options such as talking to a physician or psychiatrist about antidepressant medication
In my other career as a therapist, a wise supervisor once told me “Anxiety and Depression are just two sides of the same coin.” While it’s certainly possible for people - including HSPs - to experience depression on its own, I have seen many HSP parents come to a place of depression after being highly anxious or overwhelmed for a period of time. In this case, it can be important to address both anxiety and depression in your work with a therapist.
2. Peer/Social Support
Engaging in social interactions when feeling depressed is also very powerful. While depression often causes people to isolate, it is important to push past this tendency and seek peer support, whether informally with friends or within a therapy or peer support group. Gathering with others reduces your sense of isolation and increases meaningful connection, making you feel less alone in your difficult experiences. Here are some ideas for accessing social support:
Connect with a trusted friend or family member
Find a moms or parents group in your community - these can be through therapy practices, Meetup.com, yoga studios, libraries, children’s museums, or at churches or community centers.
Informally, you might connect with peers with similar interests through a non-parent-related group (see below for ideas)
3. Explore Identity and Activities outside of parenthood
Often, a factor in parents’ depression is a loss of identity outside of parenthood. Even when parenthood is cherished and important to a parent, they can find themselves realizing “My life is so different now! Who am I outside of being a parent?” Returning to favorite activities or previous roles - or even discovering new ones - can be helpful to help parents find a new sense of purpose and excitement in their lives. This could look like:
Taking one day a month away from home to spend with friends, go on a day retreat, or walk somewhere beautiful
Set aside time to engage in a hobby or sport: tennis, rock climbing, painting, playing music, etc
If staying at home, consider returning to work part time or more if desired
It’s important to seek professional help to manage your depression. If you feel that you might be depressed, or even if you just feel “off” or “not yourself,” please seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about High Sensitivity and Depression. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results. If you’re in California, I would love to support you in my role as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy. Postpartum Support International also offers many resources for parents - even those outside of the postpartum period. Some people also benefit from medication to reduce symptoms of depression; if you feel that this might be the case for you, reach out to your primary care doctor or to a psychiatrist to discuss your options. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis and live in the United States, you can call 988 for support and resources.
Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results. Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
HSP Parents and Depression
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve shared about HSP Parents and Anxiety, but this week, I’m delving into a slightly heavier topic. Like anyone else, HSP Parents can at times experience low mood and depression. Parenthood is intense, relentless, and exhausting (and beautiful, joyful, and meaningful). When sensitive or empathic parents don’t have enough down time, or when daily life or circumstances are intense, they can be prone to experiencing depression.
So what does depression feel like for HSP parents? It can include:
Low or no enjoyment in daily life
Feeling down, depressed or hopeless
Changes or challenges in sleep or appetite
Fatigue or low energy
Poor self-esteem or feelings of worthlessness and guilt
Suicidal thoughts
For HSP parents, having low energy and poor sleep can create challenges parenting their children, which often feeds back into feelings of guilt and lack of enjoyment in daily life. Some of the most significant factors in causing depression are poor sleep and lack of supportive social relationships, both of which can take a hit for parents. While I understand that it is much easier said than done, consider if you can take steps to improve your sleep quality and duration, or to connect with people or activities that bring you joy. Engaging in creative expression such as art, music, or physical movement can also bring healing and help you reconnect with your body when you’re feeling low.
One of the most challenging aspects of depression is that it often tricks people into believing that they will never get better - that they will feel this way forever. This is not true, and often prevents people from seeking the help that they need. You are not alone in this, and you can heal and find joy again. Next week, I’m sharing a few basic tips on how to cope with depression - after it’s published, you can find that blog linked here.
It’s important to seek professional help to manage your depression. If you feel that this might be the case, please seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about High Sensitivity. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results. If you’re in California, I would love to support you in my role as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy. Postpartum Support International also offers many resources for parents - even those outside of the postpartum period. Some people also benefit from medication to reduce symptoms of depression; if you feel that this might be the case for you, reach out to your primary care doctor or to a psychiatrist to discuss your options. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis and live in the United States, you can call 988 for support and resources.
Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results. Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
3 Ways to Cope as an Anxious Highly Sensitive Parent
In last week’s blog, I gave an introduction to how being an HSP can impact your experience of anxiety. This week, I’ll be sharing a few basic ways to cope with anxiety as an HSP parent.
1. Learn some Relaxation and Mindfulness Skills
This sounds simple, but learning ways to calm yourself when feeling anxious or overstimulated is a very powerful tool! In fact, a 2015 study by Pluess & Boniwell found that High Sensitivity “only related to anxiety when mindfulness and acceptance were low, but the relationships were not significant when mindfulness and acceptance were high.” In short, the following factors reduce HSP’s experience of anxiety to the level of non-HSPs:
Practicing mindfulness skills such as deep breathing and meditation
Gaining awareness of your physical body and noticing those warning signs of overstimulation
Learning specific ways to calm your body (ex. Yoga, going outdoors, listening to music, etc)
Intentional emotional and physical boundary setting - for parents, this can look like taking time alone when “over-touched” or asking to be touched in a less intense way
2. Reduce exposure to situations and environments that lead to overstimulation
You may already know that certain environments create greater stress for you. For me (and many HSP parents), these environments can include:
Childrens’ birthday parties
Amusement parks or Zoos
Rooms cluttered with toys or kid gear
Multitasking, for example trying to cook dinner while the TV is on and your child is talking to you
Once you know that these environments are overstimulating to you, you might choose to make some changes. For example, you might only visit the zoo early in the morning, when it is less likely to be crowded. Or, if the dinnertime scenario resonates, perhaps turn the TV off and provide a toy or activity to occupy your child so that you can focus solely on cooking.
3. Challenge negative or unrealistic ways of thinking
One of the proven types of therapy for anxiety is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps people to understand how their emotions and behaviors are impacted by negative thoughts, and helps to tweak those negative thoughts to be more positive and/or realistic. If you find that your anxiety includes nervous or upsetting thoughts, CBT can help you recognize negative thought patterns and correct them. For example, if you are nervous about your child starting at a new school, you might be having thoughts such as “they won’t make any friends” and “they will cry all day.” These thoughts can feel very real and very upsetting, but if you look at them logically, they are also not very realistic. Even changing your thoughts to be more moderate can be really helpful to reduce anxiety. For example, “They might cry for a while after I drop them off, and that makes me upset, but I know they will also smile and have a good time at other points in the day,” feels a LOT better than “they will cry all day.” While there are some great CBT workbooks out there, it can often be difficult for people to even recognize when their thoughts are unrealistic or distorted, which is where a therapist can help!
It can often be supportive - even necessary - to seek professional help to manage your anxiety. If you feel that this might be the case, please seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about High Sensitivity. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results. If you’re in California, I would love to support you in my role as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy.
Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results. Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
Understanding HSP Parents and Anxiety
In my work as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy (for clients in the state of California), I support many Highly Sensitive (HSP) Parents who are also experiencing anxiety of various types. For the purpose of this article, I’ll focus on Generalized Anxiety, but other types of anxiety, such as Social Anxiety and Panic (see blog on Panic here), can also afflict HSPs.
While I can’t go into detail here about diagnostic criteria or clinical treatment, I want to share some important considerations for HSP parents with anxiety.
Put very simply, anxiety tends to include an overactive nervous system. Anxiety can feel like your heart beating quickly, shaky hands, quickened breathing, and feeling jittery and worried. Unfortunately, one of the main challenges for HSPs is that they tend to be easily overstimulated, which can lead to a more intense experience of anxiety or panic than for a non-HSP. When the HSP is in a busy or intense environment, or has many thoughts or tasks racing through their head, they are even more overstimulated than the typical person.
Parenthood is, for many people, pretty darn overstimulating. There is a constant list of tasks to accomplish: buy more diapers, research preschools, prepare meals, etc. In addition, children tend to have a lot of attentional needs. When they want to get your attention, they may tug at your hand or call your name repeatedly, or may interrupt household or work tasks over and over. While this is totally normal behavior for young kids, it can also be quite overstimulating for many Highly Sensitive Moms, Dads, and Caregivers! This can lead to feelings of guilt or helplessness, but I promise you, you are not deficient as a parent if you find yourself overstimulated by your children at times! There are solutions to reduce overstimulation, even when it comes from your own children. You are not alone in your experience of this, and it has nothing to do with how much you love or how well you care for your child.
So what are we to do about this? If you think you might have an Anxiety disorder, or are just feeling like something is off, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health provider for support. And when you do, be sure to mention that you are an HSP so that you know your provider is knowledgeable about the HSP trait. Dr. Elaine Aron, the researcher who first coined the term HSP, maintains a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her website. If you’re in California, I can support you as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy.
Once you begin working with your therapist - or even if you have one already but have not yet broached the topic of High Sensitivity - one of the most important topics to bring up is how your anxiety may be tied to being overstimulated. You and your therapist might choose to track what situations or stimuli feel intense for you, or perhaps brainstorm ways to reduce sensory overstimulation. For example, noise-reducing earplugs or dimming lights/tech screens can be easy ways to reduce sensory input for HSPs. My Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course also has two video modules on how to reduce and cope with overstimulation, and can serve as a wonderful supplement to therapy!
I’m just scratching the surface on HSPs and anxiety here - it’s a huge topic, and there is lots more to say! In next week’s blog, I’ll be sharing 3 ways to cope as an anxious Highly Sensitive Parent. To make sure you don’t miss out, subscribe to our newsletter for a quick weekly update from Highly Sensitive Parenthood.
Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results. Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
How to recover from a bad start to the day as an HSP parent
Let me paint you a picture of a recent day in my household. It was my kids’ first week back to school, and my two boys were fresh off their summer “routine” of playing and reading in the morning until it was time to leave for preschool and summer camps - usually around 9 am. Suddenly, we had to be at school at 7:30 am, dressed, breakfasted, and with lunches and backpacks prepped. Yes, I did follow *some* of my own advice in my “Back to School Seasons for Sensitive Parents” blog post, but we were all still having trouble adjusting to an earlier wake-up time, and the fast-paced mornings required during the school year.
The day did not start well. I woke up feeling tired and stressed about the day ahead, and my kids had forgotten about their morning responsibilities (at ages 8 and 5, they are finally capable of dressing themselves and fixing themselves cereal). There were also, understandably, some complicated feelings around being back at school again. I made multiple requests for them to eat their breakfast, put on socks and shoes, etc. We were all becoming grumpier by the minute. By the time we headed out the door to school, it was clear that we all needed a reset from the rocky start to our day.
So: how did we recover?
First off, we got outside. Thankfully, my kids’ elementary school is about a 7 minute walk away. Even at a brisk pace, we were able to stop and notice the beautiful clouds, the spider in her newly spun web, and the warmth of the sun already shining on our skin. This moment of mindfulness in nature did wonders for our mindset and mood.
Secondly, we talked about our tough morning a little bit. My older son uses the phrase “I’m going to try to turn my day around.” I absolutely love this phrase, because it acknowledges both that the day has not been going well, and that we are capable of changing the trajectory of our day/mood. We noticed what had not worked well and identified how to make the next morning smoother - “tomorrow, I’m going to make sure I get dressed and brush my teeth before coming downstairs and playing.”
Lastly, we forgave each other –and I forgave myself – for being grumpy. We acknowledged that it is a tough transition from our looser summer routine to our more rigid fall schedule. We laughed at ourselves a little bit.
With younger kids, “turning your day around” might look a bit different. That said, the trifecta of getting some fresh air, acknowledging the challenges/stressors, and engaging in self-compassion and forgiveness works for HSP parents across the board.
Have you had a tough start to your day recently? What worked for you to “turn your day around?” I’d love to hear your thoughts & ideas in the comments below! If this blog was helpful to you, consider subscribing to our weekly newsletter, so you don’t miss out on future blog posts to support you as an HSP Parent!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
5 Affirmations for HSP and Empath Parents
Too often, the self-talk I hear from Highly Sensitive or Empathic parents is negative and guilt ridden.
It’s selfish to take time for myself away from my child - I feel so guilty about wanting a break because I love my kid!
I feel like the worst mom when I become frustrated and lose it.
Other parents seem to be able to manage their kids and our busy lives much better than I can - there must be something wrong with me.
It breaks my heart to hear these statements - many of which are based in society’s unreasonable expectations on parents and a culture of perfectionism and “one right way” around parenting and parenthood. While guilt or frustration can, at times, point us to areas where we may need a bit more support or where we can make lifestyle changes, they often do nothing but make us feel ashamed of who we are, and stuck in challenging situations and patterns.
In today’s blog, I’d love to share with you five affirmations that I’ve created specifically for Highly Sensitive parents and caregivers. While I can’t promise that these will eliminate those negative thoughts or make parenthood a total breeze, it is absolutely true that our self-talk affects our mindset and perspective. When our mindset shifts to be more positive and self-compassionate, our emotions and experiences also become more calm and buoyant. I suggest reading these through in your head, or if you feel comfortable, out loud.
I’m also happy to share the above affirmations as a free download. Feel free to print them off or screenshot them as a reminder to speak to yourself with love! Simply click the button below to download the image.
I hope that these affirmations support you in your journey as a Highly Sensitive Parent. If you’re interested in more of our resources, check out our Highly Sensitive Parenthood Resource Page. Moving forward, we are also offering weekly YouTube videos and a podcast on the same theme as the blog, so if you are looking for further exploration, or simply to access these topics through your favorite media, click below!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
Panic attacks and High Sensitivity: My Story
Shortness of breath.
Heart palpitations.
Numbness in fingers.
Difficulty speaking.
Stomach & Chest pain.
Nausea.
Dizziness.
Sounds like a heart attack or a stroke, right? While it’s always a good idea to get checked out by a doctor if you are experiencing any of these symptoms, they also can be symptoms of an intense but ultimately physically harmless panic attack.
A major turning point in my journey as a Highly Sensitive (HSP) parent was when I had my first panic attack. I had definitely experienced episodes of intense anxiety before, but never anything so debilitating as what occurred a few weeks after the birth of my second child. My husband had gone out for a much-deserved outing with some friends, and I was on my own for the evening for the first time with my 3 year old and 5 week old sons. It started when I was sitting on the floor trying to nurse my crying baby, while my 3 year old was crawling on my back and talking to me incessantly (I love him, but he was a major chatterbox at that age)! In retrospect, it was incredibly physically overstimulating - too much noise, too many physical touches, too many demands on my body and attention.
I started feeling some pain in my solar plexus (where my ribs meet) and some shortness of breath. After a few minutes, this progressed into all of the symptoms listed above, to the point where my vision was blacking out, I couldn’t stand up, and could only say “it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay” over and over again. I thankfully had the wherewithal to call my sister, who then called my husband to come home. The experience was so intense and scary that I went to the ER, where they ran several tests and couldn’t find any physiological issues. My background in mental health ultimately led me to understand that I had experienced a very intense panic attack, and my journey from there led me to find a therapist specializing in postpartum anxiety and beginning to take anti-anxiety medication.
I experienced several more minor panic attacks in the months afterwards, and still experience mini versions of them from time to time. Understanding this experience through the lens of High Sensitivity and Overstimulation has empowered me to make impactful changes. Taking breaks, reducing sensory input (noises, touch, etc), and listening to my body when it is saying “too much” have all helped me to reduce overstimulation and subsequent anxiety and panic.
If you, too, have experienced intense anxiety and panic, please know that you are not alone. I encourage you to find a therapist who can support you.
If you don’t need mental health support or are already working with a therapist, but want to explore your experiences as a Highly Sensitive or Empath parent in more depth, please check out the Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course that I’ve created just for parents like you. It’s designed to teach you about the HSP trait, help you reflect on your experience, and empower you to see the gifts of your sensitivity while compassionately tending to the challenges of being an HSP parent. With two whole modules on the topic of overstimulation, and 15 different meditation & relaxation practices, you’ll learn many tools to manage overwhelm, reduce feelings of anxiety and panic, and just be a calmer, happier person and parent!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator
Rage and the HSP Parent
I am not a runner, but a couple of weeks ago I ran three times in one week - about 2.5 miles each time. Why, do you ask? To blow off my rage!
I am NOT an “angry person.” But since becoming a parent, I have begun to experience moments of anger that feel super intense, and which subsequently can produce feelings of guilt if I don’t take care of myself in the moment, and blow up at my kids or partner. In my work as a therapist with other Highly Sensitive (HSP) parents, I’ve noticed that many other HSP parents experienced this shift towards feeling “mom/dad rage” after becoming parents, and are baffled and ashamed by suddenly becoming “an angry person.”
Here’s my take on what is happening: HSP parents are easily overstimulated, and children can be very overstimulating! Don’t forget that parenthood shifts other responsibilities as well - more laundry, more cooking, less sleep, less time to relax and have fun, etc. Many of us Sensitive or Empath parents are consistently under-supported and overwhelmed, and this combination will make even the kindest, most peaceful person feel upset, trapped, and ultimately angry. Let’s ask ourselves: “Is it rage/anger, or is it overstimulation?”
So, back to my week of running. If I remember correctly, I was in the midst of a very busy workweek, managing concerns about COVID and other world news concerns, and the morning routine to get my two children off to school had been particularly difficult for a week or so. So, by the time I finished work for the day, I had some major pent up anxiety and overstimulation, which if I was not careful would come out as irritability or rage towards my family. While I definitely was irritable at times, choosing to go on a run and “blow off steam” was a great choice; I returned from each of these runs feeling more grounded and calm.
Maybe this pattern of overstimulation -> irritability -> rage also resonates with you. Remember back to the last time you felt irritable or angry while at home. What was it that you needed? I would imagine that the answer is often something like “peace and quiet” or “a break.” These answers point towards a root cause of overstimulation and overwhelm - but they also point us to solutions for your rage. Maybe, like me, you needed a break in the form of some intense physical activity. Or perhaps you needed a nap, a long shower, or to connect with a friend.
Next time you feel rage or irritability rising, take a pause and notice what it is you are needing. Then, without guilt or shame, do your best to give yourself that thing (a break, exercise, social connection, sleep, a snack), etc. as soon as you can. Your irritability and rage may just be a nudge to take care of yourself.
I would love to hear from you about your experiences with irritability and rage as an HSP parent - drop them in the comments section below! And if you’re looking for more resources on how to manage overstimulation, check out our Highly Sensitive Parenthood Toolkit and Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator