Why Playdates can be Exhausting for HSP Parents
Any other HSP parents out there hate playdates? I’m right there with you! While spending time with other parents can feel life-giving, playdates can often be exhausting for highly sensitive moms and dads. I’ve given some thought to why playdates are uniquely draining, and I’ve realized that there are simply too many things to juggle:
1.) Watching your child - If you are at a park, playground, or someone else’s home, you are almost certainly expending a great deal of energy keeping an eye on your child. You don’t want them to hurt themselves, break something, or otherwise put themselves in a difficult situation. Additionally, they may have several needs that arise during the course of the playdate - hunger, toilet, tired, thirst, etc!
2.) Child/Child Dynamics - Depending on how comfortable your child is with their playmate, there may be some difficult or conflictual dynamics which arise. Not only are you required to navigate these with your child, but you are also needing to navigate respecting the other family’s parenting choices and an awareness of how your parenting might be perceived by the other parent.
3.) Getting to know the other parent(s) - While not all HSPs are Introverts, many of us are! In this case, it can be intense getting to know someone for the first time. We are flooded with visual and verbal information about this new person, and are trying to make a good impression while also ensuring that they feel comfortable and listened to. This alone can be exhausting, but when the above two factors are layered on top, playdates can really take a toll.
So, if playdates are exhausting, what is an HSP parent to do? We still often feel a responsibility to socialize our children and connect them with friends.
Preschool – even just a day or two per week –can be a fantastic opportunity for children to socialize in a way that doesn’t tax the energy of HSP parents too heavily.
Additionally, finding a more calm or structured activity can be a helpful way for you and your child to connect with other children and parents. For example, my neighborhood has a kid’s gardening club led by a volunteer, who provides an activity for the children. This can take the pressure off parents to entertain their children, or to come up with topics of conversation with other parents - the shared activity takes care of both of those. You may find music classes, parent-child yoga classes, library programs, or athletic activities in your community that can serve a similar purpose.
Lastly, don’t count playdates out completely! If you are honest with yourself about when they feel overwhelming for you, you can feel empowered to make changes in how you approach them. Perhaps only scheduling them once or twice per month, or limiting them to mornings rather than afternoons when both you and your child are tired, could help make playdates fun and worthwhile rather than draining. Be honest with yourself about your limitations and preferences! Doing so will make you a more functional and happy parent, which is pretty darn important.
If you’re interested in learning more about the nitty-gritty of thriving (not just surviving) as a Highly Sensitive Parent, check out my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
