Highly Sensitive Parenthood Blog
Top 3 Challenges for Highly Sensitive Parents (and how to manage them)
Earlier this week, I was chatting with some Highly Sensitive parents at our virtual Coffee Chat, and I asked the question “What are your top challenges as HSP parents?” While there are *MANY* strengths that HSP parents bring to the table (I’ll tackle these in a future blog, I promise), there are also many challenges that are common for sensitive and empath parents. Here are the top 3 that our group identified:
1) Always being “on”
I often describe parenthood as “relentless.” Although we do sleep and (hopefully) take time away from our children to just be ourselves, our identity and role as parents never fully leaves us once we welcome our child into the world. I’m guessing that all of us have had the experience of having a stressful day, feeling exhausted, and still somehow needing to scrape up the energy to get dinner on the table, bathe our child(ren), do the bedtime routine, etc. This is particularly challenging for HSP parents, who tend to be more easily drained by daily life, sensory overload, and the multiple demands on our attention.
2) Managing my emotions when my child is upset
This one is so hard. To be honest, I am very much a work in progress when it comes to this challenge! When our kid is upset, we have the double whammy of auditory overstimulation (from our child crying, yelling, etc.) and being intensely attuned to their emotions (which may be very intense - anger, sadness, upset, etc.) As HSP parents, we need to simultaneously tend to our own emotions and help our children work through their feelings. There is no one right way to do this! Depending on the situation, it can look like:
Holding your child when they cry - the cuddles can help regulate their emotions as well as yours!
Asking your child to spend time in a quiet place where they can calm down, while you retreat to a separate room in order to manage your own emotional response
Holding hands with them, looking into their eyes, and taking deep breaths together
Verbally acknowledging their emotion, for example “It seems like you feel upset that we had to leave the playground. That’s disappointing, isn’t it! I’m looking forward to going with you again tomorrow.” Then having a similar empathetic response to your own emotions, for example “It’s hard to parent when my kid is upset, since my own body and mind feel their emotions so intensely. I’m doing the best I can to manage.”
3) My partner/loved ones not understanding or supporting my sensitivity
HSPs can seem mysterious to our partners and loved ones - the depth of our awareness and emotions can be received with confusion or, unfortunately, judgment. When those in our life say things like “you’re too sensitive” or “you’re too soft with our child,” it can feel like a denial or judgment of who we are on a very deep level. Educating your loved ones on the HSP trait is a great start. You can send them the link to my blog post with basic information on High Sensitivity https://www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com/blog/what-is-an-hsp-and-how-do-i-know-if-i-am-highly-sensitive) or, if you’re looking for more in-depth support, my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course https://highlysensitiveparenthood.mykajabi.com/hsp-parenthood-course ) has an entire 15-minute video module on “Helping Partners & Support People Understand your HSP trait,” plus a bonus “How to support your HSP Loved One” handout to help loved ones and partners understand your HSP trait and how it impacts your experience as a parent and person.
Do you resonate with these common challenges for HSP parents? Feel free to comment below with your challenges as an HSP parent, and/or ways that you manage them!
P.S. I’d love to have you join us for future Coffee Chats! I’m planning to host them every 2-3 months on Zoom, and they are free and open to all HSP parents! To make sure you know when the next one is happening, subscribe to our weekly newsletter , or follow us on Instagram.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator
The Myth of the Superhero Parent
“Mom, you’re a superhero!”
“I don’t know how you do it all!”
“This family would fall apart without you!”
While on the surface, these “You’re a superhero” brand of comments towards parents - particularly mothers - recognize the hard work of parenthood, they actually reek of toxic positivity. If you’re unfamiliar with “toxic positivity,” it describes attitudes or statements that are intended to cheer someone up or encourage them, but actually suppress real emotions or challenges that the person may be experiencing. For example, “Smile mama, you’ve got this!” Can be more harmful than helpful to a mom who is struggling with depression and lack of support. She does not “got this,” nor will smiling solve her problems - she needs emotional and logistical support to navigate a very difficult period of life.
Toxic positivity and denies the very real societal issues that make modern parenthood so challenging, putting the weight of parenting responsibility on parents themselves. Basically, the myth of the Superhero Parent valorizes self-sacrifice, superhuman strength and determination, and being the “hero” of one’s family/community. While parenthood does offer us many opportunities to be strong and resilient, and certainly requires sacrifice, it truly does us harm to idolize these aspects of parenthood.
The myth of the superhero parents lifts up those parents who are on the verge of burnout because they are “doing it all” and “nobody else could do it like them.” While hearing “you’re a superhero” and “I don’t know how you’re juggling it all - you’re amazing!” can give us a temporary ego boost, it ultimately sets us up for failure because we feel that we shouldn’t need or want help, or that we are somehow a lesser parent if we can’t (or don’t want to) be a “superhero mom/dad” on any given day. This can be especially true for parents who tend towards people-pleasing or perfectionism, which is often the case for Highly Sensitive (HSP) parents.
So how do we push back against this myth? If someone makes a superhero-type comment to you or your partner, don’t hesitate to reply with something like “Thanks for saying that, but honestly it’s exhausting - I definitely can’t do it without support.” Or “Yes, my partner is juggling a lot, but they are a human who needs breaks, and neither of us have the unlimited energy of a superhero!” Most people probably think that they are giving you a compliment, and of course it’s fine to just smile and say “Thank you,” but please don’t forget that while you are certainly working hard and doing an amazing job, you are a human, not a superhuman! Accept - celebrate even - your need for support and your desire to have a life outside of being a parent. Don’t let the Myth of the Superhero Parent force you into cycles of overwhelm, stress, and burnout. You - and your family - deserve for you to be happy, balanced, and well-rested!
Have you been called a “superhero?” Share your experiences in the comments below, and for more resources for HSP and Empath parents, consider subscribing to our weekly newsletter!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator
Panic attacks and High Sensitivity: My Story
Shortness of breath.
Heart palpitations.
Numbness in fingers.
Difficulty speaking.
Stomach & Chest pain.
Nausea.
Dizziness.
Sounds like a heart attack or a stroke, right? While it’s always a good idea to get checked out by a doctor if you are experiencing any of these symptoms, they also can be symptoms of an intense but ultimately physically harmless panic attack.
A major turning point in my journey as a Highly Sensitive (HSP) parent was when I had my first panic attack. I had definitely experienced episodes of intense anxiety before, but never anything so debilitating as what occurred a few weeks after the birth of my second child. My husband had gone out for a much-deserved outing with some friends, and I was on my own for the evening for the first time with my 3 year old and 5 week old sons. It started when I was sitting on the floor trying to nurse my crying baby, while my 3 year old was crawling on my back and talking to me incessantly (I love him, but he was a major chatterbox at that age)! In retrospect, it was incredibly physically overstimulating - too much noise, too many physical touches, too many demands on my body and attention.
I started feeling some pain in my solar plexus (where my ribs meet) and some shortness of breath. After a few minutes, this progressed into all of the symptoms listed above, to the point where my vision was blacking out, I couldn’t stand up, and could only say “it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay” over and over again. I thankfully had the wherewithal to call my sister, who then called my husband to come home. The experience was so intense and scary that I went to the ER, where they ran several tests and couldn’t find any physiological issues. My background in mental health ultimately led me to understand that I had experienced a very intense panic attack, and my journey from there led me to find a therapist specializing in postpartum anxiety and beginning to take anti-anxiety medication.
I experienced several more minor panic attacks in the months afterwards, and still experience mini versions of them from time to time. Understanding this experience through the lens of High Sensitivity and Overstimulation has empowered me to make impactful changes. Taking breaks, reducing sensory input (noises, touch, etc), and listening to my body when it is saying “too much” have all helped me to reduce overstimulation and subsequent anxiety and panic.
If you, too, have experienced intense anxiety and panic, please know that you are not alone. I encourage you to find a therapist who can support you.
If you don’t need mental health support or are already working with a therapist, but want to explore your experiences as a Highly Sensitive or Empath parent in more depth, please check out the Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course that I’ve created just for parents like you. It’s designed to teach you about the HSP trait, help you reflect on your experience, and empower you to see the gifts of your sensitivity while compassionately tending to the challenges of being an HSP parent. With two whole modules on the topic of overstimulation, and 15 different meditation & relaxation practices, you’ll learn many tools to manage overwhelm, reduce feelings of anxiety and panic, and just be a calmer, happier person and parent!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator
Rage and the HSP Parent
I am not a runner, but a couple of weeks ago I ran three times in one week - about 2.5 miles each time. Why, do you ask? To blow off my rage!
I am NOT an “angry person.” But since becoming a parent, I have begun to experience moments of anger that feel super intense, and which subsequently can produce feelings of guilt if I don’t take care of myself in the moment, and blow up at my kids or partner. In my work as a therapist with other Highly Sensitive (HSP) parents, I’ve noticed that many other HSP parents experienced this shift towards feeling “mom/dad rage” after becoming parents, and are baffled and ashamed by suddenly becoming “an angry person.”
Here’s my take on what is happening: HSP parents are easily overstimulated, and children can be very overstimulating! Don’t forget that parenthood shifts other responsibilities as well - more laundry, more cooking, less sleep, less time to relax and have fun, etc. Many of us Sensitive or Empath parents are consistently under-supported and overwhelmed, and this combination will make even the kindest, most peaceful person feel upset, trapped, and ultimately angry. Let’s ask ourselves: “Is it rage/anger, or is it overstimulation?”
So, back to my week of running. If I remember correctly, I was in the midst of a very busy workweek, managing concerns about COVID and other world news concerns, and the morning routine to get my two children off to school had been particularly difficult for a week or so. So, by the time I finished work for the day, I had some major pent up anxiety and overstimulation, which if I was not careful would come out as irritability or rage towards my family. While I definitely was irritable at times, choosing to go on a run and “blow off steam” was a great choice; I returned from each of these runs feeling more grounded and calm.
Maybe this pattern of overstimulation -> irritability -> rage also resonates with you. Remember back to the last time you felt irritable or angry while at home. What was it that you needed? I would imagine that the answer is often something like “peace and quiet” or “a break.” These answers point towards a root cause of overstimulation and overwhelm - but they also point us to solutions for your rage. Maybe, like me, you needed a break in the form of some intense physical activity. Or perhaps you needed a nap, a long shower, or to connect with a friend.
Next time you feel rage or irritability rising, take a pause and notice what it is you are needing. Then, without guilt or shame, do your best to give yourself that thing (a break, exercise, social connection, sleep, a snack), etc. as soon as you can. Your irritability and rage may just be a nudge to take care of yourself.
I would love to hear from you about your experiences with irritability and rage as an HSP parent - drop them in the comments section below! And if you’re looking for more resources on how to manage overstimulation, check out our Highly Sensitive Parenthood Toolkit and Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator
Finding your Village as Highly Sensitive Parent
Throughout human history, parents had support from extended family, older children, neighbors, and other community members. Community life was a given - humans needed one another to survive and thrive. As I write this, I am in a lovely little coffee shop (shout out to Pappalecco in San Diego) in what I imagine is not only an attempt to get my hands on an exceptional almond croissant, but also to be around other people in a way that is impossible when working from my office at home. Even for HSP introverts like me, it feels good to be around others - we thrive on a certain degree of interdependence and connection with other people!
HSP parents living in other developed or urban areas might especially resonate here, but I would imagine anyone going through parenthood in COVID/early post-COVID times has felt the burden of parenthood without adequate support from others. This includes both practical support - delivering a home-cooked meal or watching your child for a few hours so you can rest, and emotional support - a warm hug, words of encouragement, or inviting you for a dinner out so you can take a break from the role of parent and connect with an adult. If you take a moment and reflect on the last time you got a break from parenthood or connected with another adult in a meaningful way, you would probably also notice that you were happier, more rested, and a more present and peaceful parent afterwards!
So, how do we find this support “village” that seems almost extinct in our modern times? First of all, acknowledge that it may not look like a perfect small tight-knit group of people à la the TV show “Friends.” Your village may include your next door neighbor, who you know you can trust to care for your child an emergency, a colleague from work with whom you go on beach walks every few months, or an old friend who lives in another state. Perhaps it also includes a grandparent with whom you can FaceTime when you’re needing some human connection, or a couple of parents who you know from your child’s preschool. While your community may not feel cohesive and interconnected like we see on TV, it still counts - and it makes a meaningful difference in your life!
Lastly - and perhaps most importantly - give yourself permission to prioritize these relationships at times. Doing so isn’t “selfish,” but rather a way for you to enhance your well-being, sense of belonging, and find more support so that you can thrive as a family.
Take a few moments and write down who you see in your village - they don’t need to be super close emotionally or geographically. Maybe you also notice others who you could welcome into your village. How can you connect with them this week?
P.S. If you resonate with this topic, this is one of 15 areas that I offer a deep-dive into in the Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course. If you’re interested in learning more, visit this link.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator
Navigating HSP Fatherhood: 3 Strengths of Highly Sensitive Dads
Hey there, HSP and Empath dads! While I’m writing this post in honor of Father’s Day, which is upcoming here in the U.S., I want you to know that you’re welcome here on our blog/website anytime. Being a Highly Sensitive parent comes with its own gifts and challenges, but these can be particularly difficult to navigate for HSP dads.
Many HSP males have had societal expectations of “toughness,” emotional stability, and emotional suppression placed on them by society. In other words, depending on your culture, gender, and more, you may have been told “stop being so sensitive,” or “why are you so emotional?” as if these are flaws. You may have also been discouraged from seeking support (mental health or otherwise) or from engaging in activities that allow you to experience and process your emotions. If you have experienced these comments or been victimized for your sensitivity, please know that you are not alone, and that the “weaknesses” can actually be strengths that help support you and your family. Here’s how:
As an HSP dad, you are probably quite attuned to your child’s emotional and practical needs, making you an amazing caregiver to your child - and if partnered, a conscientious and compassionate partner.
Your emotional sensitivity and awareness helps to model a new version of masculinity to your child(ren): one in which it is not only acceptable, but healthy to be in touch with and express your emotions.
Your depth of processing - that is, your ability to reflect deeply on meaningful issues - likely helps you to be very intentional about how you are parenting your child. While some days might feel like a chaotic blur, you have probably given a great deal of thought to how you want to care for your child, help them with difficult emotions or behaviors, and support their own dreams and well-being as they get older.
I hope that this blog has helped you to see your sensitivity through fresh eyes, letting go of the false belief that your sensitivity is a flaw or weakness. This Father’s Day, I hope you proudly claim your HSP trait and celebrate it as the gift to your family that it truly is. And if your ideal Father’s Day doesn’t include a BBQ or a trip to a noisy bar, but rather a quiet nature hike or some time with a good book, soak it up! You deserve a celebration that truly replenishes you. Lastly, If you know an HSP dad, please share this blog with them! Our HSP community is stronger when we are made up of a diversity of people and experiences.
If you’re ready to feel more empowered in your HSP Fatherhood, please check out other blog posts that may be of interest to you, or check out our HSP Parenthood Toolkit or HSP Parenthood Course for more in-depth support.
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator
3 Tips to Carve Out Time for Yourself as an HSP Parent
One of the main challenges that HSP parents face is lack of time. We live in a busy, demanding world, and parenthood is relentless! It can be incredibly difficult to create time to take care of yourself, and hearing the media extol the values of self-care without recognizing how many barriers parents of young children face can feel incredibly frustrating.
So yes, it is hard to make time to attend to your wants and needs as a parent. That said, it is also incredibly important to do so - your energy and mood impacts not only yourself, but your family and children as well. Taking care of yourself is actually a way of caring for and loving your children, who deserve to have a healthy and happy parent whenever possible!
That said, I wanted to give you some practical tips to help you create more time for yourself:
1. Alarm Setting - This is so easy and effective! Basically, you use the alarm on your phone or watch to create a protected time for leisure or rest. As an example, while your child naps or watches a show, you can set your alarm for 30 minutes (or 15, or 60, etc), during which time you do whatever you want to do! This does not include household or work-related tasks like catching up on email or laundry. This does include activities such as reading a book, hanging out in your cozy corner, calling a friend, or just resting.
2. Scheduling - I know, it takes work and intentionality to schedule anything! For bigger commitments or periods of self-care, I often “batch” my scheduling time. For example, if I want to meet up with a friend, enjoy an online yoga class, and book a retreat day or day off of work, I’ll sit down with my calendar and register/plan all at once. This offers two benefits: it gives you something to look forward to, and it creates a protective boundary around the activity so that you can make sure it happens. Of course, scheduling childcare may be an additional challenge here, but it’s important to remember just how good it feels to protect and plan for both your leisure time and your rest.
3. Accountability - If you’re anything like me, you probably struggle with people-pleasing! This often goes hand-in-hand with the HSP trait, and while people love us for it, it can too often lead to overcommitment and burnout. Commit to protecting your time and your energy, and share these plans with someone who can keep you accountable, such as a partner, friend, or therapist. True story: I have, several times, added a day off to my calendar and then knowingly scheduled work meetings over the top of it. Please, don’t do this to yourself! It often helps me to share my intention and plan with an accountability buddy who can call me on my (unhelpful) people-pleasing tendencies and remind me of the importance of prioritizing my own needs first.
Do you have any other tips and tricks for how to create and protect time for self-care? Drop a note in the comments below so we can learn from each other!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator
Creating your HSP Cozy Corner
While part of creating your HSP Cozy Corner is about decluttering, you can also mindfully add items to your space to enhance your experience of relaxation. For HSPs, engaging in the five senses (sight, sound, taste, touch, smell) can be both pleasant and calming. Here are some ways to create a quiet, cozy space for yourself:
Sight
Most importantly, clear this room or corner of clutter. If you have items that you’d like to keep in your space, consider storing them in a cute box or basket that reduces visual clutter. If you enjoy certain colors, incorporate them into this space. Adding art, candles, small sculptures, or nature elements into this space can be relaxing and grounding. I keep some essential oils and other small items in these sweet & sturdy low baskets. If you’re prone to visual overstimulation, adding an eye mask to your basket can be helpful.
Sound
Pull up a favorite playlist or a recording of nature sounds! If you’re in the mood for quiet, or want to block ambient noise, I highly recommend these super comfy, high quality noise canceling headphones. If you prefer a less bulky option, Loop offers cute and effective noise reduction earplugs. Bonus: If your kids are loud like mine, noise reduction earwear is perfect for wearing around the house! Of course, make sure you can still hear them, but it’s okay to dampen the sound somewhat to reduce overstimulation.
Taste
This is the fun part! Did you know that you can use chocolate (or another candy of choice) to engage in a meditation? As you enjoy your chocolate, notice the bright colored wrapper, the smell, the sound of yourself biting into it, the texture of it melting on your tongue, and the bitter/sweet/creamy/salty taste. Really allow yourself to enjoy each sensory aspect of this experience. Also, too often parents forget to eat and are simply in need of a little snack. Feel free to grab a pouch or two of your favorite sweet or salty snack, but if you’re needing some inspiration, check out these award-winning small batch Sea Salt Caramels.
Touch
It’s time to get cozy - gather your favorite pillows and blankets! Including items like scented therapy dough or your fidget item of choice can also be helpful to release any pent-up energy when you’re looking to calm down. For me, there’s nothing better than a soft, sherpa-y weighted blanket when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Of course, a fluffy pet, favorite quilt, or even items just found around your home can work just as well!
Smell
If there are unpleasant odors in the area, consider giving it a clean, opening a window, or adding an air filter into the space. One of my favorite ways to create calm is through using essential oils. There are many reputable and wonderful essential oil companies out there, but my preference for high quality oils at a reasonable price is Eden’s Garden. If you’re new to essential oils, try lavender for relaxation or orange for a mood/energy boost. Of course, adding your favorite candle to the space can also create both a lovely smell and a beautiful source of calming light.
Are you inspired to create your own cozy corner yet? Let us know in the comments about what you’re planning to include in your space, and don’t forget to return after you’ve begun to enjoy your cozy corner so you can let us know how it feels for you!
Please note that the links in this post may be affiliate links, meaning that I earn a small commission if you purchase items through the link - no additional cost to you!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator
A Room of One’s Own
Early on in my experience as an HSP, I began to notice that my anxiety and stress levels increased when my home was cluttered or chaotic. At first, I wrote this desire off as “snobby” or “nitpicky,” but as I came across research that confirmed that cluttered spaces had a measurable impact on anxiety levels, I began taking my desire for a decluttered space more seriously.
Highly Sensitive people tend to be very attuned to their environment and are aware of subtle stimuli (unpleasant smells, dusty floors, piles of papers) that non-HSPs might not notice at all. While our awareness of subtle stimuli is also an HSP superpower - we deeply enjoy aesthetic beauty, delicious tastes and smells, etc - it can be very difficult to manage in a home with babies or young children.
When we are surrounded by “baby detritus” (bottles, diapers, toys, and other gear), our home can suddenly become cluttered and overstimulating. This is not just visual, either! We’re talking stinky diapers, loud and bulky baby toys, and cries or babble that can be overstimulating. Suddenly our home, that place that is supposed to be a fortress of calm and coziness, can become the very source of our overstimulation and stress. When we as parents are stressed, it becomes more difficult to attend to our own needs, as well as those of our children.
One simple and powerful way that HSP Parents can nourish themselves is to create a “room of one’s own,” or even just a “cozy corner” that is clutter-free, quiet, and calming. This space could look and feel different depending on your preferences and living situation, but it serves as a place to retreat to when you are feeling overwhelmed by a cluttered or chaotic environment. I’ll give specific pointers on how to create or refine this space in next week’s blog post, but for now, I just want to say to you: How your home feels to you is important. You deserve to have a space where you can curl up, relax, and recharge. Let’s make it happen!
Are you inspired to create your own cozy corner yet? Let us know in the comments about what you’re planning to include in your space, and don’t forget to return after you’ve begun to enjoy your cozy corner so you can let us know how it feels for you!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator
What is an HSP and how do I know if I am Highly Sensitive?
A Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is someone whose brain and body tends towards sensitivity to the environment and to emotions. HSP is not a diagnosis or a flaw, but rather a trait that describes about 15-20% of the population. Think of the HSP trait as a trait like height - it is not “good” or “bad,” but definitely impacts the way you experience the world around you, and may have both benefits and drawbacks depending on the situation. The HSP trait also overlaps with (but is different from) both Introversion and being an Empath, which I’ll explore in more depth in later blog posts!
One of the best ways to understand the HSP trait is through the acronym DOES, which was created by HSP researcher Elaine Aron, PhD:
If you’re not sure about whether or not the HSP trait defines your experience, check out the questionnaires at https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/ (the original questionnaire) or https://www.juliebjelland.com/sensitivity-scale (not official, but the questions are great). Keep in mind that you don’t need to have *all* of the traits of High Sensitivity to consider yourself an HSP! If it feels true for you, congratulations! You have learned something new about yourself, and this knowledge can help empower you to celebrate the strengths of your sensitivity, as well as make adjustments to your life to better accommodate the challenges that sensitivity can sometimes bring.
This blog (currently in its infancy) will be updated with weekly posts about High Sensitivity, particularly as it relates to being a parent. If this describes you, you are welcome to subscribe to our email list to be updated on new blog posts, live events, and offers at Highly Sensitive Parenthood. We also offer two in-depth resources to better understand your experience as an HSP Parent, the Highly Sensitive Parent Toolkit and the Highly Sensitive Parent Course.
Wherever you are on your journey as an HSP, you are most welcome here!
written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parenthood Coach and Educator
HSP Introvert Mother’s Day
Hey there, fellow introvert mamas! Mother’s Day is fast approaching, and if you’re anything like me, visions of sleeping in, breakfast in bed, and giant mugs of coffee enjoyed with a favorite book are dancing in your heads.
Too often, though, Mother’s Day can end up being just as busy and stressful as any other day, leaving you feeling celebrated but drained. For HSP’s (Highly Sensitive People) - many of whom are also introverts - the intensity of going out to a crowded brunch spot with your little ones, or trying to squeeze in celebrations for your mother and/or mother-in-law alongside your own can be stressful and counterproductive. If you’re looking for a more peaceful and restorative Mother’s Day, look no further than the ideas below:
1. Communicate your hopes and expectations of Mother’s Day to your partner and/or loved ones. While it would be convenient if they could just *know* what we would like our Mother’s Day to look like, we’re much more likely to have the day we want if we get specific about our hopes. This can be as simple as saying “I’m really looking forward to having a couple hours to myself to read alone in bed that afternoon” or “I’d like to go to a yoga class with my mom that morning!” Don’t forget that this could also be in reference for things you DON’T want to do, for example: “I don’t want to cook anything/wash dishes on Mother’s Day, so I would love for you to take over that responsibility!”
2. Gather some ideas for a fun & relaxing Mother’s Day:
Breakfast in Bed, sleeping in, flowers, and homemade cards - classics for a reason!
High Tea at a local resort or Tea Shop
Browse a local bookstore, then visit a coffee shop or brewery to enjoy your new book(s) with beverage of your choice
Yoga class on your own or with fellow mamas
Picnic with the family - making sure that you are not in charge of planning this! Some local restaurants may offer take-out picnic baskets to make this an easy option for your family to plan
Staycation or Retreat - If the best way to honor your Motherhood is to take a break from it, consider planning for a Staycation or Retreat. This could just be for a day, or (if you can swing it) could stretch to a weekend! Many resorts or retreat centers offer day passes for a relatively low price, so you can spend your day in a lounge chair by the pool, or walking in beautiful meditation gardens.
Play with your kids - I know, I know, we do this a lot and it can be draining! But often the reason that it is draining is because we are thinking of the million other items on our to-do list. It may feel deeply joyful to mindfully engage with your child(ren) in play or cuddles, giving one another your full attention, when others are (hopefully) taking care of anything else that needs to be done around the house.
Reflection and Journaling - This can be as simple as just writing down three things that you are grateful for, or as in-depth as reflecting on your identity as a mother. For example, you could journal about where you are shining with confidence, as well as where you feel your light has dimmed and you could use more support. And please, do this with plenty of self-compassion!
3. Lastly, if Mother’s Day is difficult for you for any reason, please factor this into your plans. You may choose to celebrate the happy aspects of Mother’s Day on one day, while honoring your grief and loss related to Mother’s Day or motherhood separately - perhaps the day or week prior. Most importantly, be gracious with yourself if any complicated emotions arise. Motherhood is intense, big, and complex, and your relationship with it might be too. Don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if you feel that it would be helpful.
What are your favorite things to do (or NOT to do?) on Mother’s Day? Drop your ideas in the comments below and help a sister out!
More fresh content coming soon…
Until then, please stay tuned!
Until then, please stay tuned!