4 Tips for the Extroverted Highly Sensitive (HSP) Parent

Do Extroverted HSPs Exist?  While many people inadvertently confuse being Highly Sensitive (HSP) with being Introverted, in fact, approximately 30 percent of HSPs are Extroverts!  Put simply, Extroverts derive energy from being around other people, and in fact need a fair amount of social stimulation to be mentally and emotionally healthy.  HSPs, meanwhile, tend to be emotionally attuned to others, as well as easily overstimulated, which leads to a generally lower threshold of ability to enjoy extended, intense, or chaotic social interactions.  In short, HSP Extroverts absolutely exist and -especially when they are also parents - often find themselves feeling the tension between a genuine need to engage with others (including their children) in meaningful ways, as well as a need for quiet, reflective time on their own.  In fact, Highly Sensitive Extroverts (HSEs) can find themselves both “Wired and Tired” following social interactions.

So what is a HSE parent to do?

1. Honor your Sensitivity and Extroversion - This may seem simple, but it’s so important!  As mentioned above, you may at times feel your extroversion and your sensitivity in tension with one another.  As best as you can, accept that your need for social interaction AND your overwhelm in some environments are both parts of who you are.  You are allowed to both crave and be drained by social interactions.

2. Recognize what triggers overwhelm and overstimulation - As an HSP, you are likely overstimulated by certain situations and environments.  As a parent, you may crave social connection with other parents, but also find certain social environments - let’s say, a school field trip, or a crowded library gathering for toddlers - overstimulating.  Conversely, consider which social situations are less overwhelming for you.  Do you enjoy meeting up with another parent for coffee and a walk?  Or do you prefer connecting with neighbor parents at your local park?  Once you know what works for you, you can engage in those interactions more frequently, and give yourself permission to do less of what overwhelms you.

3. Learn to check in with yourself about your level of overstimulation.  HSE Parents may find that what is exciting and nourishing one day, may actually be overwhelming the next.  I encourage you to practice pausing and checking in with your body and mind about how you are feeling throughout social interactions.  Maybe 30 minutes into a kids’ birthday party, you feel fantastic, but at the 90 minute mark you notice your heart racing and your shoulders tensing up.  That noticing of tension or fatigue is your invitation to either take a break, or to exit the situation.

4. Make sure you are getting enough social interaction for yourself.  Many HSP parents find themselves very busy taking wonderful care of their children, but neglect their own social needs.  Perhaps some of your need for human connection can be found through chatting with parents at school pickup or at a playgroup, but many times these interactions are limited to our role as parents.  You are more than just a parent, and you may find as an HSE parent that you crave to connect with other adults as a writer/artist/athlete/book lover/professor… or simply as yourself.  Consider prioritizing social interactions that have nothing to do with parenthood, if that sounds good to you.

I hope that these tips have been helpful to you!  If you’re interested in learning more about being Highly Sensitive (HSP) and how it shows up in your life as a parent, I encourage you to check out my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course.  It’s a self-paced video course that teaches you more about High Sensitivity, and helps you celebrate your strengths as well as make impactful shifts to reduce overwhelm and stress in your life as a parent (and person).

Lastly, if you’re interested to learn more about Extroverted HSPs, I encourage you to read Jacquelyn Strickland, LPC’s article “Introversion, Extroversion, and the Highly Sensitive Person.” Strickland goes into detail around both the popular understandings of HSP and Introversion/Extroversion, as well as dives into research around these traits.

Managing Holiday Stress for Highly Sensitive (HSP) Parents

If you close your eyes and think of the Holidays, what comes to mind?  Is it:

• Rushing around trying to purchase gifts for a long list of people?

• Enjoying (and/or feeling overwhelmed by) getting your home decorated?

• Making memories and carrying on family traditions with your own children?

• Stressing about Holiday travel & finances?

• Sadness, loneliness, grief, or other difficult emotions?

“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” oversimplifies the matter for many Highly Sensitive Parents.  Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Eid, Solstice, or really any Holiday at any time of the year, you most likely have a complex experience of your chosen Holidays.

While the Holidays can be stressful for many people, parents are often burdened with additional responsibilities.  For example, the past couple of weeks for me have included: planning and purchasing gifts for my kids’ teachers and coaches, volunteering for kids’ holiday parties, planning and cooking seasonal meals, purchasing gifts and stocking stuffers for my own kids, putting up holiday decorations, wrapping gifts to donate to families in need, making holiday travel plans, and much more.  I’m guessing you can resonate with at least some of this!

As parents, we also carry the extra weight of trying to make the holidays meaningful and magical for our children, while also taking into account our own needs and limitations.  Should we take our kids to see a Holiday Concert, even though tickets are a bit pricey and might stretch our budget?  Do we skip or go to the local Santa’s Village that we know our kids will love, but which may be overstimulating for us?  Do we agree to attend a boisterous family gathering on Christmas Eve to allow our kids to connect with cousins or grandparents, or do we stay at home for a more calm time with our immediate family, but risk creating tension with our extended family?  There are no easy answers here.

I think it’s important to name many of the above challenges so that we can be honest with ourselves about how challenging the Holidays can be.  We likely place unrealistic expectations on ourselves about being totally calm, organized, and joyfully present with our families.  If we can recognize the many tasks and expectations on our plates, perhaps we can more easily engage in self-compassion and make some simple changes to reduce our Holiday stress.

So, how do we go about reducing this Holiday Stress?

You may have several ideas on how to make this season easier - feel free to jot them down and make them happen!  I have one really easy idea - and it’s my gift to you!  This year, I’ve put together a completely free (for now, anyway!) 5 Days to a Stress-Free Holiday Anti-Challenge.  It’s a very simple, video-based challenge that you can do on your own time.  Over the course of 5 videos, I encourage you to reflect on what brings peace and joy (and what brings overwhelm) during the Holidays, then provide you with a clear, simple system to move towards a less chaotic season.  No commitments, no email address to put in, no cost (although I’d love for you to Subscribe to my YouTube Channel or email newsletter if you enjoy it!

Find the Stress-Free Holiday Anti-Challenge HERE. 

Wishing you a peaceful holiday season!

Highly Sensitive Parents and ADHD

As a therapist and coach for HSP parents, I often get the question “does HSP overlap with ADHD?” The short answer is yes, HSP does overlap with ADHD, but there are also some people who have ADHD but are not HSP, and vice versa. The main area of overlap between ADHD and HSP is in the area of sensory sensitivity. Ned Hallowell, M.D., author of Driven to Distraction, states that “[People with ADHD] often are hypersensitive in one of the sensory domains: sound, touch, or smell.” Many HSPs also experience this physical sensitivity. Both Highly Sensitive Parents and parents with ADHD tend to benefit from taking steps to reduce overstimulation, such as wearing earplugs, avoiding overstimulating environments, and avoiding multitasking.

While ADHD and the HSP trait have some overlap (and an individual can have both the HSP trait and ADHD) there are also some major differences between the two.

1. ADHD is a clinical diagnosis - that is, something that a physician or mental health provider can diagnose.  Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), the technical term for the HSP trait, is not a diagnosis, but rather a term to describe a cluster of traits.  This doesn’t make one more legitimate or serious than the other, but may impact how they are perceived by medical providers or the general population.

2. Per Elaine Aron, Ph.D., the researcher who recognized the HSP trait, “HSPs process things, especially social information, more carefully and accurately at a deep level (not just thinking about the task more, but when asked to do it quickly, doing it better automatically). This contrasts with those having schizophrenia, ADHD, or autism, who in other studies were found to have slower reaction times on these tasks.”  (this assertion is based on research in Hoffman et. al.’s 2022 study “Sensory processing sensitivity predicts performance in an emotional antisaccade paradigm.” )  

3. While those with ADHD typically have difficulty concentrating and maintaining focus, HSPs tend to be pretty conscientious and focused. However, when faced with a chaotic or overstimulating environment, both HSPs and those with ADHD can face overwhelm and loss of focus. This can create challenges for parents, as parenthood is rife with overstimulating situations (more on that in this blog post)

I want to clarify that the above are not to say that HSPs or those with ADHD are better or worse than one another, or than those without ADHD or HS! In fact, I believe that both HSPs and those with ADHD have many unique and powerful gifts to offer the world - and themselves - as a result of their neurodiversity. For example, many people I know with ADHD have powerfully curious minds and wonderfully complex ways of thinking. Likewise, those with High Sensitivity can understand a variety of perspectives and deeply analyze situations. It’s clear to see that both offer unique and important gifts to their families, workplaces, and communities.

If you’re looking for further resources about High Sensitivity and ADHD, the following articles may be helpful to you:

https://hsperson.com/faq/hs-or-adhd/

https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/how-being-an-hsp-and-having-adhd-collide/

If you are looking for mental health support for diagnosed or suspected ADHD, or to manage HSP traits, please seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about both High Sensitivity and ADHD. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results.

Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results. Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.

3 Ways to Cope with Depression as a Highly Sensitive Parent

Last week, I shared a bit about how Depression can feel for HSP Parents and where to find support. The bottom line is, please do not suffer alone! Having social and professional support is critical in finding healing from depression. If you are feeling down, off, or “not yourself,” please consider the three coping skills below to cope with depression:

1. Therapy

Having professional support is often necessary for those experiencing depression.  Here are some ways that therapy can support you as an HSP parent:

• Gives you a safe space to explore thoughts and feelings

• Helps you engage in self-compassion

• Teaches mindfulness skills

• Supports you toward making positive changes in your life

• Can help you explore other treatment options such as talking to a physician or psychiatrist about antidepressant medication

In my other career as a therapist, a wise supervisor once told me “Anxiety and Depression are just two sides of the same coin.” While it’s certainly possible for people - including HSPs - to experience depression on its own, I have seen many HSP parents come to a place of depression after being highly anxious or overwhelmed for a period of time. In this case, it can be important to address both anxiety and depression in your work with a therapist.

2. Peer/Social Support

Engaging in social interactions when feeling depressed is also very powerful.  While depression often causes people to isolate, it is important to push past this tendency and seek peer support, whether informally with friends or within a therapy or peer support group.  Gathering with others reduces your sense of isolation and increases meaningful connection, making you feel less alone in your difficult experiences.  Here are some ideas for accessing social support:

• Connect with a trusted friend or family member

• Find a moms or parents group in your community - these can be through therapy practices, Meetup.com, yoga studios, libraries, children’s museums, or at churches or community centers.

• Informally, you might connect with peers with similar interests through a non-parent-related group (see below for ideas)

3. Explore Identity and Activities outside of parenthood

Often, a factor in parents’ depression is a loss of identity outside of parenthood.  Even when parenthood is cherished and important to a parent, they can find themselves realizing “My life is so different now!  Who am I outside of being a parent?”  Returning to favorite activities or previous roles - or even discovering new ones - can be helpful to help parents find a new sense of purpose and excitement in their lives.  This could look like:

• Taking one day a month away from home to spend with friends, go on a day retreat, or walk somewhere beautiful

• Set aside time to engage in a hobby or sport: tennis, rock climbing, painting, playing music, etc

• If staying at home, consider returning to work part time or more if desired

It’s important to seek professional help to manage your depression. If you feel that you might be depressed, or even if you just feel “off” or “not yourself,” please seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about High Sensitivity and Depression. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results. If you’re in California, I would love to support you in my role as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy. Postpartum Support International also offers many resources for parents - even those outside of the postpartum period. Some people also benefit from medication to reduce symptoms of depression; if you feel that this might be the case for you, reach out to your primary care doctor or to a psychiatrist to discuss your options. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis and live in the United States, you can call 988 for support and resources.

Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results. Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

HSP Parents and Depression

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve shared about HSP Parents and Anxiety, but this week, I’m delving into a slightly heavier topic. Like anyone else, HSP Parents can at times experience low mood and depression. Parenthood is intense, relentless, and exhausting (and beautiful, joyful, and meaningful). When sensitive or empathic parents don’t have enough down time, or when daily life or circumstances are intense, they can be prone to experiencing depression.

So what does depression feel like for HSP parents?  It can include:

• Low or no enjoyment in daily life

• Feeling down, depressed or hopeless

• Changes or challenges in sleep or appetite

• Fatigue or low energy

• Poor self-esteem or feelings of worthlessness and guilt

• Suicidal thoughts

For HSP parents, having low energy and poor sleep can create challenges parenting their children, which often feeds back into feelings of guilt and lack of enjoyment in daily life. Some of the most significant factors in causing depression are poor sleep and lack of supportive social relationships, both of which can take a hit for parents. While I understand that it is much easier said than done, consider if you can take steps to improve your sleep quality and duration, or to connect with people or activities that bring you joy. Engaging in creative expression such as art, music, or physical movement can also bring healing and help you reconnect with your body when you’re feeling low.

One of the most challenging aspects of depression is that it often tricks people into believing that they will never get better - that they will feel this way forever. This is not true, and often prevents people from seeking the help that they need. You are not alone in this, and you can heal and find joy again. Next week, I’m sharing a few basic tips on how to cope with depression - after it’s published, you can find that blog linked here.

It’s important to seek professional help to manage your depression. If you feel that this might be the case, please seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about High Sensitivity. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results. If you’re in California, I would love to support you in my role as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy. Postpartum Support International also offers many resources for parents - even those outside of the postpartum period. Some people also benefit from medication to reduce symptoms of depression; if you feel that this might be the case for you, reach out to your primary care doctor or to a psychiatrist to discuss your options. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis and live in the United States, you can call 988 for support and resources.

Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results. Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

3 Ways to Cope as an Anxious Highly Sensitive Parent

In last week’s blog, I gave an introduction to how being an HSP can impact your experience of anxiety. This week, I’ll be sharing a few basic ways to cope with anxiety as an HSP parent.

1. Learn some Relaxation and Mindfulness Skills

This sounds simple, but learning ways to calm yourself when feeling anxious or overstimulated is a very powerful tool!  In fact, a 2015 study by Pluess & Boniwell found that High Sensitivity “only related to anxiety when mindfulness and acceptance were low, but the relationships were not significant when mindfulness and acceptance were high.” In short, the following factors reduce HSP’s experience of anxiety to the level of non-HSPs:

• Practicing mindfulness skills such as deep breathing and meditation

• Gaining awareness of your physical body and noticing those warning signs of overstimulation

• Learning specific ways to calm your body (ex. Yoga, going outdoors, listening to music, etc)

• Intentional emotional and physical boundary setting - for parents, this can look like taking time alone when “over-touched” or asking to be touched in a less intense way

2. Reduce exposure to situations and environments that lead to overstimulation

You may already know that certain environments create greater stress for you.  For me (and many HSP parents), these environments can include:

• Childrens’ birthday parties

• Amusement parks or Zoos

• Rooms cluttered with toys or kid gear

• Multitasking, for example trying to cook dinner while the TV is on and your child is talking to you

Once you know that these environments are overstimulating to you, you might choose to make some changes.  For example, you might only visit the zoo early in the morning, when it is less likely to be crowded.  Or, if the dinnertime scenario resonates, perhaps turn the TV off and provide a toy or activity to occupy your child so that you can focus solely on cooking.

3. Challenge negative or unrealistic ways of thinking

One of the proven types of therapy for anxiety is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps people to understand how their emotions and behaviors are impacted by negative thoughts, and helps to tweak those negative thoughts to be more positive and/or realistic.  If you find that your anxiety includes nervous or upsetting thoughts, CBT can help you recognize negative thought patterns and correct them.  For example, if you are nervous about your child starting at a new school, you might be having thoughts such as “they won’t make any friends” and “they will cry all day.”  These thoughts can feel very real and very upsetting, but if you look at them logically, they are also not very realistic.  Even changing your thoughts to be more moderate can be really helpful to reduce anxiety.  For example, “They might cry for a while after I drop them off, and that makes me upset, but I know they will also smile and have a good time at other points in the day,” feels a LOT better than “they will cry all day.”  While there are some great CBT workbooks out there, it can often be difficult for people to even recognize when their thoughts are unrealistic or distorted, which is where a therapist can help!

It can often be supportive - even necessary - to seek professional help to manage your anxiety. If you feel that this might be the case, please seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about High Sensitivity. You can find a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, but even simply googling “HSP Therapist in [your state, province, or country]” can yield helpful results. If you’re in California, I would love to support you in my role as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy.

Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results.  Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.  

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

Understanding HSP Parents and Anxiety

In my work as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy (for clients in the state of California), I support many Highly Sensitive (HSP) Parents who are also experiencing anxiety of various types. For the purpose of this article, I’ll focus on Generalized Anxiety, but other types of anxiety, such as Social Anxiety and Panic (see blog on Panic here), can also afflict HSPs.

While I can’t go into detail here about diagnostic criteria or clinical treatment, I want to share some important considerations for HSP parents with anxiety.  

Put very simply, anxiety tends to include an overactive nervous system. Anxiety can feel like your heart beating quickly, shaky hands, quickened breathing, and feeling jittery and worried. Unfortunately, one of the main challenges for HSPs is that they tend to be easily overstimulated, which can lead to a more intense experience of anxiety or panic than for a non-HSP. When the HSP is in a busy or intense environment, or has many thoughts or tasks racing through their head, they are even more overstimulated than the typical person.

Parenthood is, for many people, pretty darn overstimulating. There is a constant list of tasks to accomplish: buy more diapers, research preschools, prepare meals, etc. In addition, children tend to have a lot of attentional needs. When they want to get your attention, they may tug at your hand or call your name repeatedly, or may interrupt household or work tasks over and over. While this is totally normal behavior for young kids, it can also be quite overstimulating for many Highly Sensitive Moms, Dads, and Caregivers! This can lead to feelings of guilt or helplessness, but I promise you, you are not deficient as a parent if you find yourself overstimulated by your children at times! There are solutions to reduce overstimulation, even when it comes from your own children. You are not alone in your experience of this, and it has nothing to do with how much you love or how well you care for your child.

So what are we to do about this? If you think you might have an Anxiety disorder, or are just feeling like something is off, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health provider for support. And when you do, be sure to mention that you are an HSP so that you know your provider is knowledgeable about the HSP trait. Dr. Elaine Aron, the researcher who first coined the term HSP, maintains a list of HSP-knowledgeable therapists on her website. If you’re in California, I can support you as a therapist at Inner Nature Therapy.

Once you begin working with your therapist - or even if you have one already but have not yet broached the topic of High Sensitivity - one of the most important topics to bring up is how your anxiety may be tied to being overstimulated. You and your therapist might choose to track what situations or stimuli feel intense for you, or perhaps brainstorm ways to reduce sensory overstimulation. For example, noise-reducing earplugs or dimming lights/tech screens can be easy ways to reduce sensory input for HSPs. My Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course also has two video modules on how to reduce and cope with overstimulation, and can serve as a wonderful supplement to therapy!

I’m just scratching the surface on HSPs and anxiety here - it’s a huge topic, and there is lots more to say! In next week’s blog, I’ll be sharing 3 ways to cope as an anxious Highly Sensitive Parent. To make sure you don’t miss out, subscribe to our newsletter for a quick weekly update from Highly Sensitive Parenthood.

Disclaimer: This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any illness, medical, or mental health condition. Although Amy Lajiness is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, licensed in the state of California, she is not acting in that capacity here. Amy Lajiness is acting as an HSP Parenting Coach and Educator, not as a licensed medical health professional, mental health professional, or in her professional capacity as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Working with us is not a guarantee of any results. Inner Nature Therapy, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

Rainy Day Clichés and HSPs

As we settle into Autumn, many of us HSPs enjoy some rainy, cool days where we are invited to cozy up at home! When it rains here in San Diego, most everybody grumbles about getting wet, or how terribly San Diegans drive in the rain, but they also acknowledge, “It’s good for us to get rain.” Rain is a mixed blessing for our environment and lifestyle, but what is less talked about is how weather affects our thoughts, feelings, and activities.

I remember an episode of “The Office” in which the staff members bet on how many “Rainy Day clichés” Phyllis would use in one day. 

Here’s the list of phrases that Phyllis uses on her rainy day:

1. It's raining cats & dogs out there. Holy Moly.

2. Nobody knows how to drive in the rain

3. The roads are actually slickest in the first half hour

4. The plants are going to love this

5. I actually sleep better when its raining

6. This weather makes me want to stay at home curled up with a good book

I am admittedly guilty of using many of these rainy day clichés (and I bet you are too). At one point, Phyllis notices: “I actually sleep better when it’s raining.” Weather, as well as our environment, has a profound effect on our state of mind and mental health. The sensory experience of rain is all-encompassing. We see dark clouds roll in, droplets form on our windows and on plants, and the landscape changes color as it gets saturated with water. We smell wet pavement, the scent of the earth, and wet plant matter. We feel water drip down our bodies, cooling us off. Finally, we hear the calming sound of rain on the roof or the ground, and even perhaps the occasional sound of thunder. For me - and I suspect, for many HSPs - the rain encourages us to be mindfully present in our environments. We return to bodily awareness as we notice and experience the rain falling outside or on our bodies. This can feel really lovely, and return us to a state of connection with our bodies and with the world around us.

Phyllis’s sixth phrase is “This weather makes me want to stay at home curled up with a good book.” I feel you, Phyllis - both my tea and book consumption increase significantly in cold, rainy weather!! As HSPs, we know that our environments can profoundly impact our mood, bodily sensations, and choice of activity. Perhaps you prefer sunny days to rainy, or love cloudy or snowy days. Every person’s preferences are unique, but I do encourage you to notice how the weather impacts your mood, energy levels, and how you spend your time. As a Highly Sensitive Parent, you might also notice how your child(ren) are impacted by different seasons or environmental factors. Can you celebrate the changing seasons with them? Does a change in weather encourage you to try new activities, or return to old favorites?

Whatever “Rainy Day Clichés” resonate with you, I hope you are encouraged to simply notice and be mindful of how you (and your child) are impacted by your environment, and even the weather!

This post is adapted from a blog I wrote for my other website, Inner Nature Therapy. You can view the original here. For more resources and support for Highly Sensitive and Empath parents, visit Highly Sensitive Parenthood’s Resources page.

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

How to recover from a bad start to the day as an HSP parent

Let me paint you a picture of a recent day in my household. It was my kids’ first week back to school, and my two boys were fresh off their summer “routine” of playing and reading in the morning until it was time to leave for preschool and summer camps - usually around 9 am. Suddenly, we had to be at school at 7:30 am, dressed, breakfasted, and with lunches and backpacks prepped. Yes, I did follow *some* of my own advice in my “Back to School Seasons for Sensitive Parents” blog post, but we were all still having trouble adjusting to an earlier wake-up time, and the fast-paced mornings required during the school year.

The day did not start well. I woke up feeling tired and stressed about the day ahead, and my kids had forgotten about their morning responsibilities (at ages 8 and 5, they are finally capable of dressing themselves and fixing themselves cereal). There were also, understandably, some complicated feelings around being back at school again. I made multiple requests for them to eat their breakfast, put on socks and shoes, etc. We were all becoming grumpier by the minute. By the time we headed out the door to school, it was clear that we all needed a reset from the rocky start to our day.

So: how did we recover?  

First off, we got outside. Thankfully, my kids’ elementary school is about a 7 minute walk away. Even at a brisk pace, we were able to stop and notice the beautiful clouds, the spider in her newly spun web, and the warmth of the sun already shining on our skin. This moment of mindfulness in nature did wonders for our mindset and mood.

Secondly, we talked about our tough morning a little bit. My older son uses the phrase “I’m going to try to turn my day around.” I absolutely love this phrase, because it acknowledges both that the day has not been going well, and that we are capable of changing the trajectory of our day/mood. We noticed what had not worked well and identified how to make the next morning smoother - “tomorrow, I’m going to make sure I get dressed and brush my teeth before coming downstairs and playing.”

Lastly, we forgave each other –and I forgave myself – for being grumpy. We acknowledged that it is a tough transition from our looser summer routine to our more rigid fall schedule. We laughed at ourselves a little bit.

With younger kids, “turning your day around” might look a bit different. That said, the trifecta of getting some fresh air, acknowledging the challenges/stressors, and engaging in self-compassion and forgiveness works for HSP parents across the board.

Have you had a tough start to your day recently? What worked for you to “turn your day around?” I’d love to hear your thoughts & ideas in the comments below! If this blog was helpful to you, consider subscribing to our weekly newsletter, so you don’t miss out on future blog posts to support you as an HSP Parent!

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

Gifts and Challenges of being an HSP Parent of an HSP Child

Fun fact: High Sensitivity (aka “Sensory Processing Sensitivity”) is an inherited trait!  That means that the biological children of HSP parents are slightly more likely to be Highly Sensitive Children (HSC’s).

While in the future I plan to offer a course on how to support your Highly Sensitive Child (sign up for my newsletter here to be the first to know when that is released!), for now, I’m sharing about the gifts and challenges of being an HSP parent of an HSP child.

First, the good stuff:

• You likely are very emotionally attuned to your child, and vice versa!  When they are struggling, you notice and are able to respond to their emotional dysregulation quickly and effectively.  

• As a fellow HSP, you are able to recognize and support your child when they are feeling overstimulated.  Along the same lines, you are able to advocate for them when their sensitivity is misunderstood, or when their environment is overwhelming for them.  As an example, I provided my HSP son with noise-canceling headphones as a Kindergartener for when the classroom noise was causing him to become overstimulated.

• You are able to model healthy and effective ways of managing overstimulation - for example, helping your child understand when they need some quiet time rather than becoming angry when they are dysregulated.

• You probably enjoy a deep and lovely connection with your child - perhaps you share a love of art or music, or simply appreciate the finer things in life together. 

Now for some challenges:

• You likely are very emotionally attuned to your child, and vice versa!  Yes, this is also listed in the positives section, but it is easy to see how this can also be a challenge for HSP parents with HSP children.  Many HSPs are deeply empathic, and can automatically “sponge” up the emotions of others, leaving them feeling emotionally flooded.  When your child is upset and you take on their feelings of upset, it can make it difficult to respond to them or manage the situation calmly and with a clear head.

• Some cultural ideas about what parents and children “should” be doing may not be ideal for you.  For example, I’ve noticed that for many HSP parents & children, traditional playdates can be pretty stressful (see my blog post on that here).  It can be challenging to sort through, or to say “no” to societal pressures of being super-scheduled and social.

• Teaching them about their sensitivity is both a challenge and an opportunity.  It’s possible that they will be teased by peers, or that their overstimulation will lead to behaviors that are tough for you (and them) to deal with.  While you are well equipped to teach them as a fellow HSP, it can be hard to take this on when you are, yourself, overwhelmed and exhausted.

For now, I simply encourage you to learn more about yourself as an HSP and Highly Sensitive Parent - my TOOLKIT and COURSE for Highly Sensitive Parents are great places to start.  As you understand your sensitivity better, and find new ways to celebrate the gifts and manage the challenges of being and HSP, you can pass that knowledge on to your children.  If they are old enough, you can put language to the HSP trait, but even for little ones, you can model taking quiet time, or simply set healthy boundaries for them (e.g. noticing if they are overstimulated and leaving the chaotic environment).

Are you an HSP parent of an HSP child?  I’d love for you to share your experience in the comments below!

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

How do I know if I am a Highly Sensitive (HSP) Parent?

Have you ever been told “you’re so sensitive” or “you’re so emotional!” Or have you found yourself overwhelmed and overstimulated by chaotic environments, or by the many competing demands of life and parenthood? First of all, if you are curious or uncertain about what the term “Highly Sensitive Person” (HSP) means, start with this blog post.

Are you just beginning to realize that you are an HSP? Congratulations! Understanding your sensitivity is a critical first step in learning how to not just survive, but truly thrive as an HSP parent. There is much to be proud of, and many gifts you can offer the world (and your child) because of your sensitivity. Additionally, by learning a bit about potential challenges of being an HSP parent, you can find more calm throughout the ups and downs of parenthood. My own personal experience was that becoming a parent brought out certain aspects of my High Sensitivity in new ways, and I’ve found that this is the case for many of my HSP parent clients, as well.

So – how do you know if you are a Highly Sensitive Parent?  Here are some things to look for:

• Feeling overwhelmed by noise, clutter, or being overtouched 

• Desire for alone time away from your child(ren) - and sometimes, feeling guilty about wanting this

• Challenges with meeting competing demands and expectations around how you “should” parent

• Understanding your child’s emotions, and perhaps even feeling them in your own body

• When calm, a deep enjoyment of your child’s beauty and unique spirit, and motivation to support them towards a peaceful & meaningful life

• And one more time for good measure: feeling overstimulated or anxious when there are intense or numerous sensory inputs - children talking/crying, tugging at you, loud/cluttered environments, hungry, hot, sleepy, etc!

If some of the above resonate with you, please know that you are in good company!  My approach with the resources I’ve created at Highly Sensitive Parenthood is to:

1. Help you understand that you are not alone in your journey as an HSP parent

2. To recognize the gifts of your sensitivity, and 

3. To teach you to compassionately support yourself through the challenges associated with being an HSP parent.

Are you hoping to understand more deeply how your sensitivity intersects with your experience as a parent? While my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course is a fantastic deep dive, the Highly Sensitive Parenthood Toolkit offers a low cost introduction to how the HSP trait shows up in your life as a parent, and gives actionable tips and tools to make your parenting life easier and calmer.

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

Why Playdates can be Exhausting for HSP Parents

Any other HSP parents out there hate playdates? I’m right there with you! While spending time with other parents can feel life-giving, playdates can often be exhausting for highly sensitive moms and dads. I’ve given some thought to why playdates are uniquely draining, and I’ve realized that there are simply too many things to juggle:

1.) Watching your child - If you are at a park, playground, or someone else’s home, you are almost certainly expending a great deal of energy keeping an eye on your child.  You don’t want them to hurt themselves, break something, or otherwise put themselves in a difficult situation.  Additionally, they may have several needs that arise during the course of the playdate - hunger, toilet, tired, thirst, etc!

2.) Child/Child Dynamics - Depending on how comfortable your child is with their playmate, there may be some difficult or conflictual dynamics which arise.  Not only are you required to navigate these with your child, but you are also needing to navigate respecting the other family’s parenting choices and an awareness of how your parenting might be perceived by the other parent.

3.) Getting to know the other parent(s) - While not all HSPs are Introverts, many of us are! In this case, it can be intense getting to know someone for the first time. We are flooded with visual and verbal information about this new person, and are trying to make a good impression while also ensuring that they feel comfortable and listened to. This alone can be exhausting, but when the above two factors are layered on top, playdates can really take a toll.

So, if playdates are exhausting, what is an HSP parent to do?  We still often feel a responsibility to socialize our children and connect them with friends.  

Preschool – even just a day or two per week –can be a fantastic opportunity for children to socialize in a way that doesn’t tax the energy of HSP parents too heavily.  

Additionally, finding a more calm or structured activity can be a helpful way for you and your child to connect with other children and parents. For example, my neighborhood has a kid’s gardening club led by a volunteer, who provides an activity for the children. This can take the pressure off parents to entertain their children, or to come up with topics of conversation with other parents - the shared activity takes care of both of those.  You may find music classes, parent-child yoga classes, library programs, or athletic activities in your community that can serve a similar purpose. 

Lastly, don’t count playdates out completely! If you are honest with yourself about when they feel overwhelming for you, you can feel empowered to make changes in how you approach them. Perhaps only scheduling them once or twice per month, or limiting them to mornings rather than afternoons when both you and your child are tired, could help make playdates fun and worthwhile rather than draining. Be honest with yourself about your limitations and preferences! Doing so will make you a more functional and happy parent, which is pretty darn important.

If you’re interested in learning more about the nitty-gritty of thriving (not just surviving) as a Highly Sensitive Parent, check out my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course!

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

4 Ways to say "No" as an Empath or Highly Sensitive Person

(and how to manage upsetting people)

Have you ever found yourself wanting to say “no” or set a boundary with someone, but have really struggled to do so?  You’re not alone!  Many HSPs and Empaths have a really hard time saying “no” or setting boundaries.  The last couple of blogs have focused on WHY it is difficult for HSPs to set boundaries and provided supportive affirmations around boundary-setting.

Boundary-setting is such an important skill for HSP and Empath parents (and people) to learn, as it helps protect our valuable time and energy. If we don’t set boundaries, we can inadvertently find ourselves flooded with activities or spending too much time around people who take advantage of our kindness. This has an immense impact on us, and when we are fatigued and frazzled, our parenthood journey is often affected as well.

Even when we know we want to say “no,” we can struggle with verbalizing it, particularly when we are concerned that the person hearing “no” will be upset. The people-pleaser in us may find it very difficult to set healthy boundaries, simply because we want to avoid displeasing people! One helpful strategy is to practice saying (or texting/emailing) boundary-setting responses, so that we can feel confident in our communication and not backtrack or stumble over words. Here are a few ways to say “no” that may feel comfortable for you as an HSP:

When someone asks for your time/energy/money:

1. “Let me think on that and let you know.” 

This response is an easy way to put off a response until you have time to think about it.  In fact, you may already know that the answer is “no” at the time you hear the request!  In that case, responding with a “let me think on that” or “let me check my schedule” in the moment, then following it up with a more definitive “no” via text or email, can be easier than saying “no” to someone’s face!

2. “I’m so sorry, I’m not able to commit to that right now.”

In most cases, this is a valid and complete response.  Occasionally, you might choose to qualify this response with “but I’d love to contribute/participate next year” or “but I’m happy to help in X way.”  A word of caution, though: if you know that you would NOT like to participate in the future, simply leave it at “I’m so sorry, I’m not able to commit to that right now.”  No need to pretend to be interested in or open to future involvement!

When someone has done/is doing something that you don’t like:

3. Simply ignore the person, or create physical distance between yourself and the person.

This is a simple response that creates a buffer between you and the person bothering you.  It is totally okay to just try to not be around someone who bothers you, or to keep interactions brief and make your excuses early on.  If the person upsetting you is someone you are required to be around for a work or family function, however, you may need to proceed to the next idea! 

4. “When you say/do ____, I feel uncomfortable/upset.  Please stop.”

This response can feel really intense for us HSPs, because most of us would be mortified if someone said this to us.  Because of our ability to pick up on subtle cues, however, it almost never gets to the point where we are making other people uncomfortable or upset.  Non-HSPs may need a more firm statement, like the one above, to really get the message!

How to manage when people are upset by your boundary-setting

Once we get the “no” out, we may be faced with someone else’s disappointment or upset.  More often than not, the response we anxiously imagine is MUCH worse than the reality.  Still, it can be hard to see disappointment or frustration show up when we say “no” or “I’m sorry, but I’m not able to do that.”  When you feel guilty over letting someone down, it can be helpful to remind yourself that your intent with setting the boundary was to protect yourself and your family, not to upset someone else.  Additionally, you might remind yourself that the disappointment or frustration that the other person might experience will likely be short-lived.  For example, if you can’t make it to a coworker’s birthday party because your week is already too busy, they likely will miss your presence but not be truly upset at you.  

Above all, the more you practice setting boundaries and saying “no” when needed, the more comfortable it will become over time.  Perhaps choose to start small by saying no to additional responsibilities at work or turning down social invitations that are crowding your schedule.  See how it feels to have more control of how you spend your time and energy.  Let that feeling motivate you to continue setting healthy boundaries in work, parenthood, and your personal life!

Looking for more support in setting boundaries?  Visit our Highly Sensitive Parenthood Resources page to check out our Toolkit and Course just for HSP and Empath parents.

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

3 Affirmations to Support Healthy Boundaries for Empaths and Highly Sensitive People

This week’s blog is short but sweet. In last week’s blog, I explored WHY it is so difficult for HSPs and Empaths to set healthy boundaries. Understanding the WHY can help us deepen our self-knowledge and self-compassion, and get us ready to take active steps toward setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.

The boundaries that HSP and Empath parents tend to struggle with are energetic and emotional. For example, many of us struggle with burning ourselves out in order to care for others, including our children! We also may find ourselves saying “yes” to commitments (kids sports, PTA/PTO, additional work responsibilities) when we truly don’t have the time, energy, or desire to say yes. Finally, we may struggle setting boundaries with the expectations of society or those in our inner circle. I hear from many HSP parents that it is really difficult to hold boundaries with their own parents or family members, who may have very different expectations about parenting and life choices.

All that said, I’d like to offer three powerful affirmations that support healthy boundary setting and maintenance for Highly Sensitive parents:

It is not my responsibility to manage other people's emotional responses - my duty is to take good care of myself and my family. 

Even when I feel guilty about "rocking the boat," I can trust that I have the right to make healthy choices. 

When other people don't accept my decisions/boundaries, I am able to hold firm rather than giving in to help them feel more comfortable.

Do any of these resonate with you?  I encourage you to pick one or two affirmations and write them down in a place where you will see them regularly.  Let the truth of these affirmations sink in, and let them support you towards healthier boundaries. 

Looking for more support with boundary-setting and other challenging aspects of HSP Parenthood?  Check out our Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course, which offers expert guidance and support just for HSP and Empath parents.

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

Why is it so difficult to set boundaries as an HSP or Empath?

So many of us HSP parents have a difficult time setting boundaries with our time, energy, and the people around us. As parents, we already put a great deal of our time and energy into caring for our children, leaving precious little left over for other people.

Many HSPs struggle with poor boundaries with their time and energy.  We often say “yes” when we want to say “no,” and then end up with packed schedules or situations that don’t feel right to us.  Additionally, many of us “let things slide” in suboptimal relationships, since it is uncomfortable for us to potentially upset or disappoint others.  

Unfortunately, when we have poor boundaries, we end up being sucked dry by the needs and emotions of others, with no time or energy left to tend to ourselves.  As parents, we are particularly susceptible to this overload and subsequent exhaustion.  Parenthood is relentless, and requires us to give much of ourselves each and every day.

Why do we do this? A few reasons:

• Almost all HSPs are Empaths: we notice and feel the emotions of others deeply.  We are likely to see when those around us are suffering or needing something, and we are tempted to fill those needs ourselves.  Too easily, we forget that we are just one person, and that we cannot take away the pain of everyone around us.

• We want to avoid the discomfort of disappointing others.  In the short term, avoiding setting boundaries or saying no feels more comfortable!  It is hard to say “No, thanks” or “Not right now” to a person or cause that we care about. We don’t want to be perceived as cold or unfeeling—which is truly the opposite of who we are!

• We may inadvertently believe that setting boundaries or saying “no” is unkind or wrong.  Perhaps our upbringing or belief system taught us to “go go go” at all costs, leading us to believe that resting is “lazy” or “bad.”  Or perhaps we have had an experience in which we set a boundary in a personal relationship–say, canceling a hangout with a friend because we were tired–and were made to feel bad about doing so.  Perhaps it is time to examine if you hold either of these false beliefs, and take steps to let them go.

Above all, know you are not alone in having a hard time setting boundaries.  This isn’t something to feel bad about; in fact, it reflects that you are a caring and empathetic person!  But, if you’re anything like me, you could probably redirect some of your empathy and energy back to yourself, so that your beautiful way of being–caring, being fully present–is sustainable.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts!  Drop a line in the comments below if you’d like, and don’t forget to read the next couple of blogs in this series!  I’ll be sharing affirmations and specific how-tos around boundary-setting, especially for Highly Sensitive and Empath parents.

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

Embracing Parenthood - and Releasing “Parenting” - as an HSP

There are few words more loaded (at least to a parent) than “parenting.”  Parenting books, parenting advice, parenting styles, parenting fails… there is so much information to absorb, and so many expectations to balance!  As a result of these often competing pressures and expectations, many Highly Sensitive parents experience guilt around “poor parenting” or being a “bad mom.”  By contrast, “Parenthood” is a stage of life in which being a parent is part of your identity.  Parenthood is simply a state of being, rather than something that we can “fail” at.

Certainly many of us have benefited from learning about parenting from books, experts, and others. Particularly when we’ve grown up in a family that had unhealthy dynamics, we may rightly prioritize educating ourselves around how to parent our children in healthy ways. On the other hand, it is important to recognize that the values and objectives of parenting vary widely across cultures and belief systems. Unfortunately, many parents - particularly those in marginalized communities - have been harmed by narrow views of “acceptable” parenting in much of the Western world. The important factor here is to take “parenting” advice for what it is - simply information that we can choose to incorporate (or not) into how we approach caring for our children, based on what works best for them and for us.

So how can we move away from a fixation on “parenting” and towards an ethos of parenthood, in which we are caring for our children and also tending to ourselves outside of our identity as parents?  As HSPs, many of us struggle with people-pleasing, or in the case of parenting, allow our children’s needs to consistently eclipse our own until we are depleted and lost.  We deserve to embrace the imperfect journey of parenthood - including its ups and downs - rather than feeling shame around not adhering to the often competing, rigid standards of “parenting.”  

We might begin by rediscovering parts of our identity that have been squashed or hidden away since becoming parents.  This can look like recovering an old hobby, attending therapy, or taking steps towards a new dream or goal.  We might also take a few moments and identify the expectations we place on ourselves as parents.  Do you put pressure on yourself to enjoy being a parent 24/7?  Release that - I don’t know any parents for whom that is true!  Do you feel guilty turning down invitations to events or extracurriculars that you know will be a strain on you and/or your child?  Recognize that this is not you failing at parenting, but rather you honoring the needs and limitations of you and your child.

My goal with Highly Sensitive Parenthood is to support you as a whole person, not just in the ways that you parent your children.  In fact, the resources that I have created HSP Parent Resources, are almost completely focused on you, the parent, rather than any “parenting skills” or “parenting advice.” 

In your parenthood journey, YOU and your well-being matter - much, much more than getting parenting “right.”  

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

5 Affirmations for HSP and Empath Parents

Too often, the self-talk I hear from Highly Sensitive or Empathic parents is negative and guilt ridden.

It’s selfish to take time for myself away from my child - I feel so guilty about wanting a break because I love my kid!

I feel like the worst mom when I become frustrated and lose it.

Other parents seem to be able to manage their kids and our busy lives much better than I can - there must be something wrong with me.

It breaks my heart to hear these statements - many of which are based in society’s unreasonable expectations on parents and a culture of perfectionism and “one right way” around parenting and parenthood.  While guilt or frustration can, at times, point us to areas where we may need a bit more support or where we can make lifestyle changes, they often do nothing but make us feel ashamed of who we are, and stuck in challenging situations and patterns.  

In today’s blog, I’d love to share with you five affirmations that I’ve created specifically for Highly Sensitive parents and caregivers.  While I can’t promise that these will eliminate those negative thoughts or make parenthood a total breeze, it is absolutely true that our self-talk affects our mindset and perspective.  When our mindset shifts to be more positive and self-compassionate, our emotions and experiences also become more calm and buoyant.  I suggest reading these through in your head, or if you feel comfortable, out loud.

I’m also happy to share the above affirmations as a free download.  Feel free to print them off or screenshot them as a reminder to speak to yourself with love! Simply click the button below to download the image.

I hope that these affirmations support you in your journey as a Highly Sensitive Parent. If you’re interested in more of our resources, check out our Highly Sensitive Parenthood Resource Page. Moving forward, we are also offering weekly YouTube videos and a podcast on the same theme as the blog, so if you are looking for further exploration, or simply to access these topics through your favorite media, click below!

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

Balancing Awareness, Activism, and News Overwhelm

Consider the last time that you felt refreshed and optimistic after reading the news. My guess is that many of you cannot remember ever feeling this way after scrolling through a news site. I fully acknowledge that there are many challenges and tragedies that are ongoing in the world, and that being aware of them can help spur us towards positive changes. At the same time, it’s fair to say that most news media are skewed significantly toward the negative, the sensationalized, and the tragic. There are so many beautiful moments, and myriad stories to celebrate, which are not represented in the news media, and which are also part of the reality of our world.

Highly Sensitive People tend to process deeply, and feel the emotions of others acutely, which is a ripe combination for both ruminating on negative news stories and also feeling depressed or anxious after reading an upsetting news story. I believe that, for many HSPs, reading most news media sends our nervous systems into a fight/flight/freeze that can have a significant impact on our mood, energy levels, and parenting. I have personally experienced feeling deeply upset, anxious, or even emotionally flattened by reading upsetting news. When this happens, it tends to lead to emotionally checking out from my role as a parent, and to lower patience for the challenging moments of parenthood. This is not ideal for my kids, and it’s certainly not ideal for me!

You might think I would advocate for HSP moms, dads, and caregivers to completely avoid news media, however, many of us deeply value being conscious citizens and advocates for peace and justice in the world, which necessitates some level of engagement with current events. Therefore, for many HSP parents, a balanced and boundaried approach to news consumption is ideal. Here’s what that can looks like:

• Intentionally follow “good news” sites such as Upworthy, The Optimist Daily, or Good News Network.  Think of this as balancing out the (mostly) negative news highlighted by major media outlets.

• Limit daily exposure to news sites.  If you have a news app or widget on your phone, or any avenue through which news can “pop up” without you seeking it out, consider deleting it. You might also set time parameters - such as reading the news for 10 minutes - so you don’t accidentally find yourself “doomscrolling.”

• Thoughtfully engage with news that matters to you.  Instead of reading 15 different headlines, consider subscribing to a newsletter or podcast that features news on a topic you care about, such as Animal Rights, Education, or Racial Equity.

• Identify specific ways that you can respond to news issues that you care about.  For example, if you are concerned about educational disparities, you might join an organization that donates books or resources to underprivileged areas.  If you care about Climate Change, you might write letters to your government representatives on the topic.  This allows you to remain aware of issues that matter to you, and to advocate for changes in those areas.

In 2022, the News Media is part of our lives whether we like it or not.  Let’s not forget that we have a choice in how we consume it, though.  If you have noticed yourself “doomscrolling” and then feeling anxious or down afterwards, it may be time to make a change.

Choose one (or several) of the above tips, try it for a week or so, and notice what difference it makes in your mood and well-being.  Do you have more time for self-care or to engage meaningfully with your child(ren)?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas - comment below!

P.S. If you’re interested in more resources for Highly Sensitive Parents, check out our Resources page at https://www.highlysensitiveparenthood.com/hspparentresources.

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

Back to School Season for Sensitive Parents

When you hear the words “Back to School,” what does this conjure up for you? For HSP parents of school-aged children, this time can bring up a whole slew of emotions - and even for those of us parenting babies or young children, the end of summer often reminds us that another year has passed, and that our little ones are growing up!

We may feel the excitement associated with fresh school supplies, new beginnings, and cooler weather. At the same time, the changes in routine, pressure to purchase fresh school supplies and outfits, and our own children’s emotions about going back to school can feel overwhelming for HSP parents. Let’s look at some common challenges and how to manage them with ease and confidence!

Challenge #1: Changes in Routine

Going back to school often necessitates some changes in routine from the summer - for my family, school starts at 7:30 am (terrible - I know!), so our morning routine suddenly needs to start much earlier, usually around 6 am.  If this is true for you too, consider some ways to make the morning routine easier, such as:

• Adjusting wake-up times incrementally earlier in the couple of weeks leading up to the first day of school

• Assist your child in managing their own morning routines/to-dos at an age-appropriate level.  This will help them gain confidence in caring for themselves, while reducing the pressure on you to do it all in the morning!  I’m sharing a free template I’ve created for kids’ morning routines - feel free to personalize it, print it, and if you’re so inclined, laminate it so your kids can re-use it daily

Challenge #2: Preparing School Supplies

One of my kids is starting Kindergarten this year, and I just realized a couple of days ago that I’ll need to buy a new backpack, lunchbox, and assorted school supplies for him to be ready for the school year!  If you are a Highly Sensitive parent like me, the traditional trip to a chaotic store like Target or Walmart for back-to-school supplies might be fairly overstimulating for you.  I’m planning on ordering online or doing a curbside pickup to minimize the overwhelm, and ideally taking care of this a couple of weeks in advance so it’s not hanging over my head!

Challenge #3: Managing Children’s Emotions

For you, and for your child, back-to-school season may bring a mix of excitement, nervousness, and overwhelm.  The changes in routine alone can cause emotional upset for HSP parents and children, but add in homework responsibilities, interactions with peers, and a new classroom environment, and there are bound to be some emotional ups and downs.  Here are some ways to make the emotional transition back to school a bit smoother:

• Begin talking about the return to school a few weeks in advance.  If possible, drive by and/or visit your child’s school, find a photo of their teacher, and discuss the new things they will be learning this year!

• See if they know any of their new classmates, and consider scheduling a playdate for your child to connect with their classmate in the week or two leading up to school, so that they have a friendly face when they walk into class that first day.

• If possible, plan on a slow week/weekend with minimal extracurricular activities for the first week or two of school.  It may feel nice to have some quiet time at home (for all of you!) as you adjust to the new school year.

• If your child has homework, consider setting up a homework routine during the first week or two of school.  This could look like setting aside some time just before or after dinner, or on the weekend, to get those assignments done. Homework can be overwhelming for parents and kids alike, so be gentle and flexible with yourselves as you adjust to the new routine.

I’d love to hear some of your back-to-school challenges, wins, or tips for a smoother transition! Feel free to drop a comment below to share.

P.S. For more on the topic of managing your own emotions when your child is upset, check out my blog on the Top 3 Challenges for Highly Sensitive Parents (and how to manage them).

written by Amy Lajiness, HSP Parent Coach and Educator

Why I Started Highly Sensitive Parenthood

Hey there, HSP Parent! Today, I thought I’d share a little bit about myself and why I chose to start the Highly Sensitive Parenthood website and blog. I’m Amy Lajiness, a Psychotherapist turned Coach & Educator for HSP and Empath parents. As a therapist and coach, I have seen firsthand many times how being highly sensitive leads to challenges for parents, and that these challenges are often misunderstood or diminished, leading to guilt and feeding back into further challenges. Of course, sensitivity also offers many gifts to both HSP parents and their children - such as increased emotional attunement and awareness - and these positives are largely ignored or unseen.

On a personal level, I am an HSP myself and really struggled early in parenthood with being overstimulated, overtouched, and generally just overwhelmed with the many tasks and expectations of being a mom! Over years of personal and professional work, I have journeyed toward a way of life that is sustainable, present, and joy-filled. Those difficult moments of overwhelm and overstimulation are certainly still present, but I am now able to recognize them, honor them, and respond to them quickly with boundaries/self-care/breaks/etc, rather than ignoring them out of guilt or shame. I see the intersection between High Sensitivity and parenthood show up every day in my personal and professional life, and as I started to look into the topic more, realized that was a major gap in the area of supporting HSP parents in managing the day to day tasks and demands of parenthood (and life!)

As I was pondering the connection between sensitivity and parenthood, I realized that although 15-20% of parents are HSPs, there was only a single published book about this topic, and pretty much no other resources! I’ve seen many resources for Highly Sensitive children, and how parents can support the HSP trait for their child, which is fantastic! Understanding our children’s unique traits and supporting them is so very important. However, this can come at the expense of ignoring our own traits, preferences, and needs as parents. This pattern of focusing only on children is often upheld by society’s focus on children’s well-being while not having structural supports in place for parents (for example, babies often have several medical appointments after being born, a mother typically has ONE, six weeks after birth, and any other parents have ZERO!)

We deserve better for ourselves, parents!  And a big part of being the best parent we can be to our beloved children is taking care of ourselves.  A little tough love: a parent who is neglecting themselves will have difficulty fully being present for or supporting their children.  I have been there (and still am there, some days!)  By supporting yourself and your needs as a Highly Sensitive parent, you are ultimately helping support your child, whether or not they are an HSP.

So how can Highly Sensitive Parenthood support you as a HSP parent?  Here are a few offerings:

• Subscribe to our weekly newsletter to stay up to date on blogs.

• Follow us on Instagram for video and written content for HSP parents.

• Find deeper transformation through our Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course and Toolkit.

• Join us for future offerings, which will include a podcast, group coaching, and retreats for HSP parents (again, subscribe to the newsletter to stay informed on these offerings!)

Wherever you are at in your journey as an HSP mom, dad, caregiver, or parent, you are most welcome here!